The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.
Connect
It’s Thursday. There are 194 days until the general election. Aid is headed to Ukraine, Trump argues he is actually a king and Arizona indictments, baby!
It’s Wednesday. There are 195 days until the general election. Biden takes the abortion fight to Florida, Tennessee Republicans lose their minds and the Secret Service tries to figure out how to do jail duty.
It’s Tuesday. There are 196 days until the general election. SCOTUS takes up a scary case, Trump flip-flops on TikTok and wondering if a gag order means anything anymore.
It’s Monday. There are 197 days until the general election. The Proud Boys ride for Trump again, America finally gets back in the freedom business in Ukraine and an American ex-president goes on trial.
Happy Friday. There are 199 days until the general election. House Republicans lose their crap, Nevada will vote on abortion and Bibi really wants WWIII.
It’s Thursday. There are 200 days until the general election. Trump wants a kickback, Arizona Republicans love them some 1864 and the Senate says eff a dumb impeachment.
It’s Wednesday. There are 201 days until the general election. SCOTUS loves Jan. 6 scum, the U.S. economy is on fire and House Republicans are having a hard time like always.
It’s Tuesday. There are 202 days until the general election. Trump snoozes through justice, Clarence Thomas goes missing and Dark Brandon pays his taxes.
It’s Monday. There are 203 days until the general election. Joementum is real, a tense weekend that doesn’t end with WWIII and a president goes on trial.
Happy Friday. There are 206 days until the general election. MAGA Mike kisses orange ass, a super important race in Wisconsin and Trump loves RFK.
It’s Thursday. There are 207 days until the general election. Arizona Republicans stay on their 1864 bullcrap, Trump wants states to punish doctors and MAGA Mike Johnson gets back to his insurrection act.
It’s Wednesday. There are 208 days until the general election. Lunatic RFK works with some lunatics, Trump is fine with what Arizona a-holes did and Biden identifies the biggest (orangest) threat to democracy.
