6.21.24 Come on, Aileen

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it invested its life savings in Trump Media.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, for the past several years, we have assumed that literally no one on the planet could exceed Donald Trump’s ability to be both terrifying and utterly laughably ridiculous at the same time. And while we still believe that, we are ready to give the silver medal to one of the dumbest craziest sonsofbitches to ever run a shit presidential campaign…

LOLOL! Watch out, Jake and Dana! The fucked up thing is we don’t even want to defend those two. But seeing Brain Worm Bobby’s immediate response to being kept out of a debate is to jail the moderators just really drives home what an unbelievably deranged fucknut this idiot really is.

In fact, we are now ready to project that RFK Jr. is the new Doodie Pooliani. That’s right. You know we don’t make that proclamation lightly. But when you see someone this fucking dumb and this fucking insistent on being a national punchline, then you know it’s only a matter of time before he’s handing out at Four Seasons Lanscaping and shitting out of his face.

So now, the brain worm guy ain’t gonna be a president. But congrats on being the new Rudy. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: It’s hard to describe how much we hate this openly corrupt Supreme Court. Fuckers.

Note three: Y’all, Trump’s billionaire buddies and his conviction have helped him take the fundraising lead over Biden-Harris. Maybe we shouldn’t be surprised, but we sure are disgusted. One thing to watch though — for some reason the Trump campaign is refusing to release its cash-on-hand numbers. Hmmmm. More: CNN

Note four: One of the super crooked assholes who was getting ready to ruin the Washington Post has decided to skip it. Yay! More: CNN

Note five: This might be our most important post of the day. Please take a few minutes to listen to Mr. October Reggie Jackson talk about the racism he endured as a young baseball player.

Note six: Goddamnit. RIP to Donald Sutherland. Our personal favorites? Animal House and Backdraft. More: LA Mag

Note seven: Republicans are really fucked up people. Have you seen this crazy story about the Michigan state Rep. who was arrested for chasing a stripper with a gun?! More: AP

Note eight: Trump is now calling Biden “a worthy debater.” Orangey seems scared shitless. More: ABC

Note nine: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Steve Bannon’s appeal was denied yesterday. He’s supposed to report to jail on July 1. Now we just wait to see if our broken SCOTUS bails him out. More: NBC

Note 10: Want to throw up while laughing? Of course you do. Well here goes — George Santos is doing an Only Fans page. Yiiiiiiiiikes.

Note 11: Economists are now predicting that if Trump wins, he will make inflation worse. But let’s be honest — he’ll make everything worse. More: Yahoo Finance

Note 12: Trump says he loves the 10 Commandments. So that’s another thing he clearly ain’t ever read. More: Mediaite

Note 13: Nicole Shanahan is the new Palin. And honestly, she might have work to do to get to Palin levels of competency. More: Daily Beast

Note 14: We want to take a second to say a big thank you to Michael Bloomberg for doing what he can to help Biden win. He might be the only non-fuckhead billionaire there is. More: CNN

Note 15: It’s gonna be so funny if Trump picks a running mate who is a totally made up rich white dude.

Note 16: Remember the piece of shit consultant who did those fake robocalls telling New Hampshire voters to stay home? Well he then went on to work for Jill Stein. Makes you wonder who he’s really working for. More: Business Insider

Note 17: Sam saw the new Beverly Hills Cop movie last night, and it is freaking awesome. Coming soon to Netflix!

Note 18: Lauren Boebert thinks we need better morals. We know you probably stopped reading after “Lauren Boeber thinks.” But still, give her a hand. No! Not like that! More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we go to Melina French Gates who just endorsed Biden, her first endorsement ever. As Kathy Griffin said yesterday, don’t be a Bill. Be a Melinda. More: CNBC

Note 20: And on that encouraging note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great week, and we just know you’re going to have an awesome weekend. But please stay cool out there. Love y’all!

LOL

It’s a good thing the billionaires are bailing out Trump’s presidential campaign because his latest business venture is sucking ass. Just like all his old business ventures. Yeah, Trump Media stock has dropped 50 percent since dipshit’s conviction, and it’s not like it was setting the world on fire before that. So what have we learned here? Well, for starters, don’t hire Devin Nunes for a goddamn thing.

More: QZ

Come on, Aileen

Judge Cannon is a fucking joke. And also probably a national security threat. Today she is holding a lengthy hearing about whether Jack Smith was lawfully appointed. So she’s clearly taking the stealing of our national secrets very seriously. But we learned yesterday from the New York Times that when Cannon got the case, two senior judges told her she should probably give it up. She refused. It’s not hard to see why.

More: NY Times

Seriously?

Speaking of hacky corrupt piece of shit judges, the Supreme Court once again did not issue a ruling on Trump’s bullshit immunity claims today. They added a decision release date to next Wednesday, but at this point it’s pretty fucking obvious to everyone that they have delayed this as long as possible to help their buddy Trump. There was some good news from the court this morning as the court upheld the Biden administration’s move to keep guns out of the hands of domestic abusers. It was an 8-1 decision. Clarence Thomas dissented. Shocking, right?

Today’s clips

A key U.S. ally fired warning shots Friday — live ones to repel North Korean soldiers and a diplomatic volley to counter Russian President Vladimir Putin, as tensions rise after his new mutual defense pact with Kim Jong Un. More: NBC

The Democratic National Committee plans to target former President Donald Trump with billboards and posters in Philadelphia this weekend, including around and potentially inside the arena where he is set to rally supporters. More: NBC