6.25.24 Take it off!

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. Today it’s cussing about the gullible assheads in the media.

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! Did you hear the news about Ronny Jackson? Oh right. We should probably be more specific. No, we don’t mean the news about him handing out pills while he was the White House physician. No, we don’t mean the news about him being demoted from admiral to captain after the Navy found that he drank on the job, screamed at people who worked for him and “acted inappropriately.” No, we don’t mean the ethics investigation into Jackson we learned about yesterday. And no, we don’t mean the thing about him having to change his name to Ronny Johnson because that’s what Trump thinks it is.

We’re talking about this stupid fucking shit…

You first, Johnson. Goddamn that’s infuriating, ain’t it? Look, we’re used to stupid, offensive and anti-American horseshit streaming out of this fuck up’s mouth. But we simply cannot believe the several mainstream news outlets who were happy to repeat this stupid shit. If you’re still willing to quote a fraud, a quack and a nutjob like Ronny J., then who is off limits? Anyone? Anyway, fuck Ronny, fuck anyone who repeated his garbage and motherfuck his daddy Trump. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Here’s some journalism that doesn’t suck and it came from Axios. Yeah, we’re shocked too. But it’s about how Trump ran up twice the debt Biden has. More: Axios

Note three: It’s honestly terrifying how open Trump and his friends are about what they’re planning for a second term. We’re freaked out about it. Why the hell isn’t everyone else? More: HuffPost

Note four: We wanted to share this encouraging interview with Biden campaign chair Jen O’Malley Dillon. It’s behind a paywall, but there is a way to unlock one article for free. More: Puck

Note five: We don’t even know why we’re sharing this. Melania is trash, and no one should buy the bullshit that she’s some kind of hostage. She ain’t going back to the White House? Cool. Donnie ain’t either.

Note six: So we let Assange go. Ok. Good thing we did it just in time for him to fuck with our next election. Argh!!!!!!! More: NBC

Note seven: Did y’all see Alanis Morisette rock two different national anthems last night before Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals? You oughta know she crushed them both.

Note eight: We won’t talk about who actually won the Stanley Cup.

Note nine: The Supreme Court is still fucking with us. We were anticipating the immunity ruling on Wednesday, and then they added decision days on Thursday and Friday. Fucking assholes.

Note 10: So things continue to be totes normal and cool with Trump’s supporters in Maricopa County…

Note 11: Economists are warning that Trump’s policies will set off an inflation bomb. We just won’t notice because he’s going to blow up everything else too. More: Axios

Note 12: And this is wild but Trump’s economic policies are so fucking insane that even the Fortune 100 CEOs aren’t backing him. More: Axios

Note 13: If there’s a primary in your state today, please go vote. That includes you, New York!

Note 14: We don’t have the words to describe how much we hate corrupt “Judge” Aileen Cannon. More: NBC

Note 15: LOL! No wonder he’s so afraid of Jake Tapper…

Note 16: Apparently the Kremlin’s nickname for Trump is “American Gorbachev.” They don’t mean it as a compliment. More: Vanity Fair

Note 17: It looks like one of the Freedom Caucus assholes lost his primary, and his colleagues are mad he won’t accept the results. Sucks, don’t it? More: Axios

Note 18: Yesterday, on the two-year anniversary of Dobbs, Sam talked to the head of Planned Parenthood L.A. about just how much worse things can get. More: LA Mag

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to wish a Happy Birthday to Justice Sonia Sotomayor! We have a few ideas for things she can wish for when she blows out the candles.

Note 20: And on that celebratory note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. And we hope even more that reporters stop mindlessly repeating Ronny Johnson’s stupid shit. Love y’all!

Bye-bye, dickhead

Alex Jones’ Infowars is no more. It’s being liquidated and sold off for parts because Jones is the scum of the Earth who got sued and lost to the families of Sandy Hook victims. It couldn’t have happened to a bigger piece of shit. We talk a lot about how Republicans have lost their way, but really there is no bigger proof of their scumfuckery than this asshole. Seriously how deranged and broken does someone have to be to torture the parents of school shooting victims? Anway, fuck you, Alex. We hope this hurts.

More: AP

Take it off!

U.S. Rep. Troy Nehls is one of the biggest Trump kiss-asses in the House. He’s also a fucking liar who’s been pretending to be a hero. Nehls wears a pin on his suit jacket that says he’s an Army infantryman who came under fire. Except none of that is the case. The Army confirmed it yesterday. What a despicable piece of shit. The exact kind of person you’d expect to be hanging around Trump’s ass.

More: HuffPost

Trigger warning

We’re putting the jokes aside for a second. Yesterday we found out that the infant mortality rate in Texas is up 8 percent since the state banned abortion. 8 fucking percent. So basically mothers are being forced to carry to term pregnancies with abnormalities and then the babies die. It’s so fucked up and so fucking evil it makes us want to break something. Surely this is a bigger goddamn story than Joe Biden’s age, right?

More: AP

Today’s clips

Rivers will continue to surge and more storms could be on the way across the Midwest on Tuesday, as well as dangerously high temperatures, as the region reels from severe flood damage and widespread disruption. More: NBC

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) shared a searing assessment of what she thinks is in the cards for Donald Trump this election year, saying he will be an “indicted, impeached, convicted loser again.” More: HuffPost