6.27.24 We see them

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Trump needs to stop fucking talking about Tay-Tay.

Note: Hello, Sexy Patriots, and welcome to crazy insane shit-pants day. How are we feeling? Yeah, us too. We should just sit on a giant sponge our asses are sweating so much. But hey, at least we’re cheering for the good guy, right? Like tonight on that debate stage, we’ll be rooting for the guy who likes America and democracy and not the guy who attacked the Capitol and farted his way to 34 felony convictions.

Speaking of the orange wind, we realized we haven’t done a fake interview in quite some time. And since this is the only debate prep story we haven’t seen anywhere, here now is an interview with Stanko the Trump Fart…

Ok, so the president’s got his work cut out for him tonight. But you know what? We believe in Joe. Go git ‘em, Mr. President! And watch out for Stanko the Trump Fart! Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Ugh. This is so fucking gross. Can we get a gag order on him talking about Tay-Tay?

Note three: We didn’t really go into this yesterday but the bribed assholes on the Supreme Court said it’s ok to bribe assholes. More: AP

Note four: Republican Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp went on CNN last night before the debate in Atlanta and said he didn’t vote for Trump. Hilarious. More: CNN

Note five: Ahead of tonight’s debate, the Biden camp is trying to remind Americans that Trump attacked the US Capitol. What kind of dumbshit country needs to be reminded of that? More: HuffPost

Note six: God this is brutal. She sold out her country and her self-respect to kiss his ass, and this is how she gets repaid. This is why it doesn’t pay to be human garbage, Elise.

Note seven: Our broken and corrupt Supreme Court ruled today that government agencies like the SEC, the FCC, the FTC and the NLRB can’t really enforce government regulations against companies that break the law. So congrats to Elon and the other billionaires on never being held accountable again. Justice Sotomayor is so pissed she’s reading her dissent from the bench this morning. More: AP

Note eight: The Supreme Court ruled that the opioid-peddling Sackler family can’t escape by declaring bankruptcy. Good. More: AP

Note nine: The court did rule in favor of air pollution. No, seriously. Good news for Stanko. More: NBC

Note 10: Those assholes once again delayed Trump’s bullshit immunity decision. It looks like they could even push it to next week. Fucking absurd.

Note 11: Goddamn this is embarrassing. RFK Jr. is the human form of what the kids are calling cringe.

Note 12: Steve Bannon should be going to prison in the next few days. But we’re all waiting to see if the traitors in the House and the traitors on the Supreme Court will do him a solid. More: Axios

Note 13: Shohei Ohtani is just ridiculous. Best baseball player ever? More: LA Mag

Note 14: Yesterday, the New York Times dropped a poll showing Biden losing. But Marquette released a poll showing Biden winning Wisconsin. We’re going with the latter. NO LINK BECAUSE WE SHOULD IGNORE POLLS

Note 15: Marjorie Taylor Greene went on Australian television. She did not make us proud. More: HuffPost

Note 16: In all the post-primary excitement, we forgot to tell y’all that this deranged piece of shit lost.

Note 17: That stolen valor asshole appears to have stopped stealing valor. All it took was a shitload of shaming. More: The Hill

Note 18: So what are y’all doing for the debate tonight? Aside from totally not freaking out.

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, PANDAS!!! More: NBC

Note 20: And on that fucking adorable note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are ready for tonight. We sure hope Joe kicks some ass. And we sure hope Trump is Trump. Regardless, we’ll be back here with you to cuss about it tomorrow. Love y’all!

Yay?

So SCOTUS doesn’t want us to think of them as the assholes who kill women. So they’re taking a little break. In a decision that leaked yesterday, the court ruled that it should not have gotten involved in Idaho’s total abortion ban, punting a real decision until after the election. But the silver lining is that for now the court says that Idaho has to perform an abortion if it will save the life of the mother. We’re sure Idaho is pretty pissed off about that. Fucking psychos.

More: NBC

We see them

It turns out that we’re not the only ones who see what a corrupt partisan bullshit court there is. A new AP poll out this morning found that seven in 10 Americans believe the court makes its ruling based on ideology and not impartiality. Yeah no shit. It really is astonishing how much this SCOTUS has just shat all over its legitimacy. And it’s truly chilling how little they seem to care.

More: ABC

LET’S FUCKING GO

Tonight. It is on in Atlanta, y’all. We’ll be watching and we know you will be too. Let’s hope Trump doesn’t show up with a deadly virus and try to kill Biden. Again. And let’s hope Biden tells Trump to shut up. Again. And let’s hope Jake Tapper and Dana Bash are up for this shit.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Unprecedented ocean heat has triggered the world’s worst mass coral bleaching event on record – a coral massacre so severe, reef experts are looking to one of nature’s most dangerous and destructive forces to provide relief: hurricanes. More: CNN

Alex Morgan, who won two World Cups and an Olympic gold medal as an iconic member of the U.S. women’s soccer team dynasty, was left off the Paris Olympics roster announced Wednesday. More: HuffPost