7.1.24 Family meeting

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It has really come in handy the last few days.

Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? Filled with arguments and freaking the fuck out? Yeah, we hear that. Shit is pretty fucked up. And if you’re turning to us for wisdom, well, you’re gonna be pretty disappointed. We’ve thought about it and we came up with this — we’re rockin’ with the Democratic nominee. If that’s Biden, then that’s how we’re ridin’. If it’s someone else, then we’ll back them too. Because we want to beat Trump, and that’s our focus. Plus, we like Joe. He’s been an awesome president. Like super duper awesome.

But we get that there are about a billion different opinions right now. And we’d like to humbly ask y’all to not turn on each other and to instead respect what each other are saying and then remember to turn on Trump voters. They’re the real scumbags here. Not us. And really, we’re all coming to this from a similar place. If people are freaked out because they don’t think Joe is up for this, then they’re freaked out because they love American democracy and they don’t want Trump trashing it. And if people are freaked out because people are criticizing Biden instead of backing him, then those people are freaked out because they love American democracy and they don’t want Trump trashing it. Our sexy hearts are all in the right place.

So take a deep breath, SPs. Be nice to each other. Remember that the person you’re arguing with is scared shitless, hates Trump and loves America. Our unity is our strength. That and not being total fuckheads. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: This SCOTUS decision is bad, y’all. Real bad.

Note three: We’re so fucking excited to get to the part about Steve Bannon. LOLOL!!!!!!

Note four: The New York Times editorial board called for Biden to drop out. Fucking assholes. NO LINK

Note five: The Philadelphia Inquirer called for Trump to drop out. Now that’s some journalism!

Note six: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution called for Biden to drop out too. It’s not ideal. But seriously where the hell were these people when a judge declared Trump a rapist, when he was convicted of 34 felony counts and when he did all the other awful shit he does every damn day?

Note seven: Trump, Lindsey Graham and Elon Musk have all praised CNN’s debate moderators. So great job, Jake and Dana.

Note eight: Most days we forget that Ron DeShithead exists. Those are good days. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Lindsey is now in favor of Trump going after his political opponents. Remember when that little shit tried to throw out thousands of Black votes in Georgia and got a pass for it? More: New Republic

Note 10: The Biden camp dropped this new ad today. If you’re nervous about his debate performance, does this make you feel better?

Note 11: The extreme right had a great weekend in France. So that ain’t good. More: HuffPost

Note 12: Here is some much-needed good news — abortion will be on the ballot in Nevada this November. But remember, abortion will be on the ballot everywhere this November. More: NBC

Note 13: While we were waiting for the SCOTUS scum to rule on immunity this morning, they went ahead and finished off the federal government. So that sucks. More: CNN

Note 14: Hey btw, we’re taking off the Fourth of July. We figure it might be the last one, so we really want to celebrate.

Note 15: A GIANT thank you to actor Taraji P. Henson for warning Americans about what’s coming. Also, congrats to all the winners at last night’s BET awards.

Note 16: Marjorie Taylor Greene was outside Bannon’s prison this morning. And we think that’s just hilarious.

Note 17: If you missed it, Dark Brandon teamed up with Elton John on Friday. More: HuffPost

Note 18: Hurricane Beryl is pretty scary. We should probably take climate change more seriously. Or we should if our corrupt and broken SCOTUS would let us. More: CNN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we use the word Fox and not in a bad way. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael J. Fox. (Getting real dusty in here)

Note 20: And here’s a bonus Happy Ending because we all need it. Simone Biles, y’all. More: Yahoo

Note 21: And on those inspirational notes, let’s go do some news! We know everything is scary and fucked up and horrible right now. But at least we’ve got each other. And cuss words. Sweet, sweet cuss words. Hang in there, everybody. Love y’all!

Family meeting

So while America was discussing the debate this weekend, the Biden family was too. Biden and his fam met at Camp David and came away blaming the president’s advisers for the disastrous debate performance and determined to forge ahead. Biden’s team was doing an heavy PR push over the weekend to reassure nervous Democrats and donors. Will it work? Only time will tell.

More: CNN

So fucked up

Well it was worse than we thought. Today the Supreme Court ruled that Trump has “absolute immunity” for official acts he committed while he was president. And then they said the lower courts have to have more hearings about what an official act is. Oh and they said that any conversations Trump had with his staff and advisers are off-limits. So yeah, they just gave that sick fuck everything he asked for and ensured that he will be totally above the law if he wins in November. This is so fucked up. We can’t think of anything good to say. We’re horrified.

More: HuffPost

On a lighter note

We saved this one for last because goddamnit we really need it. Steve Bannon is going to prison today. His inmate number is 05635-509. You know who doesn’t have an inmate number? Joe Biden. Anyway, we hope Bannon has a miserable time rotting in jail. And then we hope he fucks off, eats shit and goes to hell.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

The monthlong celebration of LGBTQ Pride reaches its exuberant grand finale on Sunday, bringing rainbow-laden revelers to the streets for marquee parades in New York, Chicago, San Francisco and elsewhere across the globe. More: NBC