6.28.24 Go, Mary

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. You know why. 

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! We’ll talk about that fucked up shitshow in a minute. But first we want to talk about this…

Uh-oh! Trouble in Trumpville? Is it possible that the totally bullshit marriage that he has repeatedly cheated on is in jeopardy? Who woulda thunk it? Oh right. Everybody. Anyway, we wanted to know what was going on so we interviewed Melania…

Sorry, y’all. We just couldn’t resist. Can you imagine the media firestorm if either Jill Biden or Michelle Obama skipped a debate? Exactly. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Y’all doing ok? We know people are stressing. We are too. Take a deep breath. We love you, and no matter what happens, we’re in this fight together. 

Note three: True story — RFK Jr. did a thing last night on twitter where he pretended to be a part of the debate. We assume the brain worm was there too. More: AP

Note four: It was pretty satisfying seeing Biden call out Trump for E. Jean Carroll and Stormy Daniels. 

Note five: Yeah, we think the moderators suck…

Note six: Iowa’s Supreme Court just upheld the state’s six-week abortion ban. Trump said last night that’s a great thing. Maybe that’s what we should all focus on. More: KCCI

Note seven: The U.S. Supreme Court said it’s ok to make it illegal to be homeless. The decision is so sick and so cruel that Justice Sotomayor again read her dissent from the bench. More: AP

Note eight: What the fuck is a “black job?” More: HuffPost

Note nine: We thought VP Harris nailed it last night. Anderson Cooper not so much. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Just gonna put this right here…

Note 11: This a shameless self plug, but Sam did a story on the L.A. Sparks’ Cameron Brink and here it is… More: LA Mag

Note 12: There’s a report going around that Michelle Obama isn’t campaigning for Biden because she’s pissed about how they treated her friend who got divorced from Hunter. Does that sound plausible to y’all? More: Axios

Note 13: Aileen Cannon is really the fucking worst. It’s gonna suck so bad when she’s on the Supreme Court. More: CNN

Note 14: Oklahoma is going to require the bible be taught in schools. Something to think about the next time you’re considering hiring someone from Oklahoma. More: CNN

Note 15: We’re just gonna put this right here too…

Note 16: It’s Elon’s birthday. We hope he eats a big bowl of shit.

Note 17: Speaking of Elon, he almost killed Aaron Rogers’ favorite receiver. More: Independent

Note 18: North Carolina is keeping RFK and Cornel West off the ballot for now. We think this is a good call. More: NBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we got nuthin’. Sorry. 

Note 20: And on that bleak note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are keeping your heads up today. We are. Mostly because we’re super pissed off and determined to save this fucked up country. Everybody be cool this weekend. Love y’all!

Go, Mary

First, the good news out of Atlanta. Our dear friend and fellow freedom fighter Mary Trump was announced as one of four surrogates for the Biden campaign last night in the spin room. Mary stepped up big time, doing interviews and enduring the insanity of the media spin room, and we just wanted to give her a big special shout out today for putting herself out there so that every American knows just exactly what a piece of shit her uncle is. Thanks, Mary!

More: Axios

As bad as we feared

Our corrupt and broken SCOTUS added injury to injury today. First, they make it illegal to be homeless. Then they gutted the federal executive branch to put themselves in charge of policy by overturning the landmark Chevron ruling. And then those dirty fuckers sided with a piece of shit Jan. 6 scumbag and said the DOJ went too far in charging him with obstructing an official proceeding. And yeah, Trump has been charged with that too. So our broken and corrupt and cruel and twisted fucking court is exactly who we thought they were. Fuck.

More: NBC, CNN

So…

Ya know, one of the things that makes us different than Trump voters is we’re not in a fucking cult. Also, we probably smell better on average. But because we’re not in a cult, we tend to favor the truth over self-soothing bullshit. So here’s the truth — Donald Trump is a dirty fucking liar, and just about everything he said last night was bullshit. Also, it was not a good night for Joe Biden, Democrats or democracy. We needed Dark Brandon’s fast ball and we didn’t get it. Trump lied all goddamn night long but he was on the attack while he did. We’re not panicking. We’re not losing our shit. We’re not suggesting anything. We’re just saying it was not a great night. We don’t know what happens next, but we do know as long as Biden is our nominee, then that’s who we’re supporting. Period. 

Today’s clips

American retailer Tractor Supply Company has eliminated its diversity, equity and inclusion roles and goals following weeks of conservative criticism online. More: NBC