6.20.24 WTF

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it woke up thinking it was Saturday.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We hope y’all had a Happy Juneteenth. We had a nice barbeque. And then we did all the drugs that Fox News says Joe Biden is on and we partied like some real fucking rock stars. We’re kidding of course. We are way too old and boring for that shit. But we’re serious that Fox and the other dumbshits are claiming Biden will be on drugs at next week’s debate. Some are even saying Trump shouldn’t show because of it.

Y’all, we’re pretty used to mindblowingly idiotic assheadery from Fox News and their friends. But even for them this is pretty fucking stupid. Joe Biden is taking performance enhancing drugs? LOLOL!!! Ok let’s imagine what that looks like. Imagine this sped up times 10…

Hey folks, how are ya? Yeah, well God love ya’! That’s what my mom would say1 And that’s not hyperbole! No, I’m serious! No, I’m serious! I really mean it! These guys are crazy, folks! I’m dead serious! And that’s not hyperbole! It’s not! It’s not fucking hyperbole goddamnit!!!

Ok that’s pretty funny, right? Well we think so, so we’re introducing a new character in the long line of Joe Biden action figures — Dark Sugar. Dark Sugar is a lot like Dark Brandon except he’s totally rocked out of his everloving gourd on magic drugs that only exist in Sean Hannity’s imagination. Dark Sugar was who showed up at the State of the Union. And Dark Sugar is the guy who’s gonna kick Trump’s orange ass all over the place in this debate.

Or maybe that’s stupid. Maybe the guy’s just 81 and sometimes he’s tired and sometimes he’s not. Nah. Couldn’t be that. That would make way too much goddamn sense. Gotta be Dark Sugar. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: RFK Jr. will not be on the debate stage next week. Neither will his brain worm. More: CNN

Note three: We’ve been saying this for way too damn long, but it looks like Matt Gaetz might be in trouble. More: AP

Note four: If you want to read something powerful, read this from Gabby Giffords and Sen. Mark Kelly. Get some tissues ready. More: People

Note five: LOL. What a dunce. Sucks we used up our brain worm joke on the second note.

Note six: UGH! LA Sparks rookie Cameron Brink is out for the rest of the season with a torn ACL. Get well soon, Cam! More: LA Mag

Note seven: The ACLU is suing Louisiana after the state started forcing classrooms to display the 10 Commandments. Frankly we’re surprised Republicans want to talk about the shit they don’t obey. More: ACLU

Note eight: Jane Fonda says she’s older than Joe Biden and he’s “just fine.” Listen to Jane, America. More: Daily Beast

Note nine: It is really really really really bad that the Washington Post is now being run by a Rupert scumbag who told Boris Johnson to destroy evidence. More: Guardian

Note 10: This is so insanely fucked up and corrupt it makes our blood boil…

Note 11: Mike Lindell lost his last lawyer in this hilarious lawsuit. If you need a laugh today, just read this. More: Law & Crime

Note 12: Trump is demanding Paul Ryan be removed from Fox’s board of directors. We hope the other media outlets see this and are ready for him to do the same to him. Maybe they should stop kissing his ass and start treating him like the fascist monster he is. More: HuffPost

Note 13: Trump’s spiritual adviser just stepped down from Gateway Church because he’s an alleged child rapist. The folks who hated Jeremiah Wright are surely upset about this. Right? More: CNN

Note 14: Biden brought in $8 million doing a fundraiser with Terry McAuliffe and the Clintons. You love to see it. More: AP

Note 15: He was bragging that a dead Joan Rivers voted for him?!

Note 16: HUGE congrats are in order for our friend Eugene Vindman who just won his primary. Let’s go!!! More: Independent

Note 17: Roger Stone appears to be in contact with one of Trump’s judges. Yes, that is insanely fucked up. More: Yahoo

Note 18: This is an important story about the rapper Quavo, VP Kamala Harris and gun violence in America. More: AP

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re being selfish. They’re making a sequel to Spaceballs with Josh Gad, and we are so freaking happy. More: Variety

Note 20: And on that immature note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all took some time to celebrate Juneteenth. And now that it’s over, we hope you’ll take some time to save this country’s ass and ensure freedom endures. Love y’all!

WTF

So some of Ted Cruz’s donor documents were left behind and someone posted them on twitter. And then Elon came along and made them disappear. Remember when he pretended to hate censorship? And he does this crap all the time. Just recently he made a Community Note about Trump and Epstein disappear. We’re guessing this won’t be in the next Twitter Files.

More: Mediaite

This is some bullshit

The Supreme Court put out more decisions today and Trump’s garbage immunity claim wasn’t one of them. So a broken and corrupt court continues to run interference for Trump and his attack on the U.S. Capitol. At this point, it almost doesn’t matter what they rule because they’ve delayed this shit for so long Trump could be in a position to make it all go away. The American people have been cheated of justice by their Supreme Court. And we are fucking furious.

More: Salon

Wow

So here’s something we don’t say every day — hey check out that Fox News poll. Yeah, we’re shocked too. But it is the most recent poll to show Biden surging ahead of Trump in a national survey. Biden has gained three points in the poll since their last one, and he is now leading 50 percent to 48 percent. This is like the fifth national poll to show momentum swinging after Trump’s conviction. This shit ain’t over. It’s just getting started.

More: Fox

Today’s clips

Donald Trump harbored a crush on Debra Messing when they both worked for NBC, and the “Will & Grace” star remains an “obsession” for the former president, according to a new book. More: HuffPost