The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.
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It’s Tuesday. There are 133 days until the general election. A cussing farewell to Alex Jones, a Republican’s stolen valor and the horrifying consequences of Texas’ hatred of women.
It’s Monday. There are 134 days until the general election. SCOTUS is gonna hurt trans kids for freedom, waiting for an immunity decision and it’s debate week, y’all.
Happy Friday! There are 137 days until the general election. Truth Social ain’t doing so hot, Aileen Cannon is a joke and the broke SCOTUS delays justice some more.
It’s Thursday. There are 138 days until the general election. Elon gets Ted Cruz’s back, more SCOTUS love for Trump and check out this Fox News poll no seriously.
It’s Wednesday. Happy Juneteenth! There are 139 days until the general election.
It’s Tuesday. There are 140 days until the general election. Speaker Buttlick goes to Florida, Biden shows the world what American compassion looks like and some delicious news about Steve Bannon.
It’s Monday. There are 141 days until the general election. Biden shines among the stars, the debate rules are set and the blue campaign is hitting hard.
Happy Friday. There are 144 days until the general election. Trump endorses Larry Hogan for Senate, Capitol Hill Republicans somehow get more pathetic and SCOTUS just killed more Americans.
It’s Thursday. There are 145 days until the general election. Big yawns as Republicans go after Merrick, Republicans are coming for IVF and holy crap SCOTUS did something not horrible.
It’s Wednesday. There are 146 days until the general election. Inflation is down again, Biden makes us proud and a reason to cheer in Ohio.
It’s Tuesday. There are 147 days until the general election. Sam Alito is freaking terrifying, crime is down (outside of the GOP) and Dark Brandon gets it done in Baltimore.
It’s Monday. There are 148 days until the general election. Orangey meets with his probation officer, Joe Biden makes us proud and belatedly celebrating a dirtbag going to the clink.