Today's Big Stuff 9.23.22

9.23.22

Happy Friday. There are 46 days until the midterm elections. Republicans pull out of an Ohio House race, Project Veritas has a very bad day and Biden says he’ll keep fighting for an assault weapons ban.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like a motherfucker — for America.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we made it to the weekend, and we are really damn happy about it. Of course for the next six weeks, our weekends belong to the fight for democracy (and a little football). And honestly we couldn’t be happier about it. Why?

Well this morning the House Republicans unveiled their “Commitment for America” and we really gotta stop this fucking thing. Did you see what’s in it?

— a national abortion ban

— Marjorie Taylor Green gets $1 billion in taxpayer money to combat Jewish space lasers

— drug companies get to charge whatever they want

— the Capitol police have to beat themselves with the American flag

— everyone has to stop calling Louie Gohmert a dumbfuck

— Lauren Boebert gets to shoot and food-poison as many people as she wants

— there is no penalty for threatening or attacking teachers

— everyone has to wrestle Gym Jordan and then never talk about it

Yikes! And we only made up like half of those! These are some seriously sick and twisted fucks, and we have seriously got to do everything we can to stop them. Did you see that shit in Pennsylvania this morning? They were arguing about who really started COVID. America can’t afford to get any dumber than we already are. So let’s make those calls and knock on those doors this weekend. Otherwise shit is gonna get too stupid to handle.

Note two: We’re sorry we’re running late today. Sam got his new booster, and we wanted to take a second to ask you to get yours too. We know there hasn’t been as much publicity around these, but they’re awesome. Sam’s not even buffering anymore. Make an appointment to get your shot. They somehow make you even sexier.

Note three: Next week is the last week of the TBS Motherfucking Swear Jar and Linda G., who came up with the idea, has damn near broken us. Our jars are full, but our pockets are empty. And we’re ok with that.

Note four: Wanna see something awesome?

Note five: LOL. In a debate, one of the Arizona scumbag candidates admitted he’s been interviewed by DOJ and the Jan. 6 committee over his role in an attempted coup. Probably a cool guy otherwise though. More: ABC News

Note six: So the new Fletch movie is freaking fantastic. We were skeptical because the originals were so good, but Jon Hamm really does a great job. Also, Abbott Elementary started back this week, and it’s just so damn heartwarming and funny. And we’re not the only ones who think so…

Note seven: A federal judge said Mike Lindell can’t have his phone back. Guess he’ll have to get two dixie cups and a piece of string if he wants to buy some crack. More: CNN

Note eight: The brave woman who came forward about how gutless the company had been with Trump revealed herself this week. We all owe her a debt of gratitude. And we all owe twitter a middle finger or two. More: Washington Post

Note nine: Kyrsten Sinema’s plan of being corrupt and awful so everyone hates her is working perfectly.

Note 10: Sidney Powell didn’t show up for the grand jury in Georgia. She’s probably doing something totally normal and not at all illegal. Or she and Mike Flynn are whistling and making pipe bombs. More: WSBTV

Note 11: So the funniest fucking thing happened yesterday — Trump demanded and got a special master. And now that special master is telling Trump to either put up or shut up when it comes to accusing the FBI of planting evidence. We’re guessing he’ll opt for shut up. More: NBC News

Note 12: The Florida company helping Ron DeSantis traffic immigrants has ties to Matt Gaetz. We are not at all shocked that he has friends who can help him traffic some humans.

UPDATE: Apparently our chickenshit AG and his chickenshit DOJ are gonna give Gaetz a free pass. Un-fucking-real. More: NBC News

Note 13: The White House is screaming from the top of its lungs that a national abortion ban, which Republicans keep calling for, would plunge the nation into chaos while stripping millions and millions of women of their basic human rights. Elise Stefanik says she’s fine with that. More: Associated Press

Note 14: Alex Jones has completely lost whatever shit he had left, and it is fun watching him slowly destroyed. He says he’s done being sorry. We’re betting he’s just getting started. More: NBC News

Note 15: The sheriff investigating DeSantis’s human-trafficking is getting a lot of threats. You know, because the right backs the blue and shit. More: Vice

Note 16: Even Republican senators can’t defend Trump claiming to declassify shit with his mind. And those fuckers let him attack the U.S. Capitol. More: CNN

Note 17: We honestly hate how much we quote Liz Cheney these days…

Note 18: Yesterday a Nazi who attacked the United States was sentenced to four years in prison. It should’ve been more, but the judge is a Trumper and they like Nazis and attacks on the United States. More: NBC News

Note 19: Don’t forget y’all — this is what’s coming if they win…

Note 20: And on that horrifying note, let’s go do some news! We hope this has been a great week for you, and we just know this weekend is gonna be awesome. We love you, SPs, and we’ll see you next week.

Bye

You know how that QAnon supporting candidate in Ohio lied about serving in Afghanistan? Well yesterday the NRCC gave up on him and canceled the ad buy it had reserved. In other words, they’re cutting him loose in a district that Trump won and was redrawn to be even redder. Kevin McCarthy was campaigning for this fucking loser like a month ago, so yeah things are going great for them. More: CNN

Sad face

Project Veritas lost in court yesterday as a jury found they were lying pieces of shit. That’s not the technical decision, but it’s the long and short of it. Never forget that this is the same organization that had a woman pretend to be a rape victim in an effort to trick the Washington Post and clear Roy Moore’s name. So yeah, they are pieces of shit. More: Axios

This man does not throw in the towel

We wanted to make sure we highlighted for anyone that missed it Biden is not giving up and pushing full steam ahead on the assault weapons ban. President Biden called for a new ban on assault weapons and said he was dedicated to countering "hate-filled violence" at the White House. More: RCP

Today’s clips

Donald Trump on Thursday told New York Attorney General Letitia James how to do her job after she sued the ex-president and his three eldest children for allegedly wrongly valuing assets to cheat lenders and tax officials. James called the scope of fraud “astounding.” More: Huff Post

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