Today's Big Stuff 9.22.22

9.22.22

It’s Thursday. There are 47 days until the midterm elections. Ginni Thomas has some treason to explain, New York sues Trump and Judge Cannon gets wedgied on appeal.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses a lot because you can’t spell freedum without F and U.

Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots. How are you holding up down the stretch? Are you ready to teach these deranged fuckers a lesson? Or have they worn you down and Trump’s silly shit on Fox last night won you over? LOL. We’re just kidding. We know better. But also, how fucking dumb was that shit last night? He can declassify things with his mind? Motherfucker can barely tie his shoes with that thing, but we’re supposed to believe it can declassify stuff?

Un-fucking-real. It’s endlessly infuriating that American democracy is being brought down by the dumbest dumbshit in the history of dumbshittery. And it led us to the realization last night that Trump is just Dumbfuck Nixon. Like remember how Superman had a Bizarro Superman? Well Trump is Dumbfuck Nixon, and this is the dumbfuck version of “when the president does it, it’s not illegal.” Yep, Dumbfuck Nixon. Just stupider than a sack of sloth shit. And way oranger. Instead of “I am not a crook” it’s yeah I’m totally a fucking crook I love being a crook being a crook rocks. And instead of waving two peace signs as he boarded the chopper, Trump just stuck a thumb up his ass and launched an attack on the Capitol and got some cops killed.

Anyway, Dumfuck Nixon had a really bad day yesterday, and we’re back to hoping his moron ass ends up in the clink. Let’s see if we can make it happen with our minds.

Note two: So this swear jar shit is getting obscene. Sam has started donating plasma to keep up. We know everyone and their brother is asking you for money right now, and we always feel icky asking for the same. So we wanted to pass along this idea with superstar TBSer Cat, who writes to tell us that she is a broke college student and instead of putting money in her swear jar, she is “putting in required hours to donate my time either making calls or writing letters to voters for particular campaigns.” We think this is so freaking awesome. Or we do until it’s the year 2063 and we’re still making calls for a long retired John Fetterman and we still owe another 72 years of volunteering. Thanks for the great idea, Cat!

Note three: Yesterday the House voted on legislation to prevent another coup attempt. The assholes behind the last coup attempt voted against it. More: Huff Post

Note four: Want to lose your shit? This assbreath Trump backed for Congress doesn’t think women should be allowed to vote or work. More: CNN

Note five: There are few things in the world we enjoy as much as Dark Brandon’s social media game and Ted Cruz’s constant humiliation. Like peanut butter and chocolate and cookies and cream.

Note six: Republicans are unveiling their new Contract for America tomorrow. It will be a national abortion ban and attacks on social security and medicare, but expect an ass-kissing press corps to act like they just discovered the goddamn holy grail. More: Huff Post

Note seven: QAnon nutjobs are very happy their nutjob-in-chief is endorsing their nutjobery. More: CNN

Note eight: Remember when that dude slapped Rudy on the back and Rudy said he almost died? Well that dude is getting his case dismissed and Rudy is a fucking joke. More: CNN

Note nine: Biden needs to replace the head of the World Bank. We can’t have a Trump-humping climate change denier in that spot. Also, Louis DeJoy and the corrupt DHS IG still have jobs and we’d love to know why. More: Bloomberg

Note 10: LA rich guy Rick Caruso has been trying to fool Angelenos into thinking he’s a Democrat. Karen Bass isn’t having it.

Note 11: We really appreciated Biden taking Putin to the woodshed while at the UN yesterday. Things are going really bad for Putey, and we’re both curious and horrified to see how he responds to being a failure. More: Reuters

Note 12: LOLOL. Mike Lindell is under investigation for identity theft. We get it, dude. We wouldn’t want to be Mike Lindell either. More: Law and Crime

Note 13: This note was written purely as a Jamie Raskin appreciation post.

Note 14: Oh btw, when McCarthy rolls out his agenda tomorrow, he’s gonna have Marjorie Taylor Gross with him. And really, that explains the whole agenda — be dumb, gross and own the libs.

Note 15: The Marquette poll has a majority of Americans calling for the expansion of the Supreme Court for the first time. Guess we’re all too smart to believe John Roberts’s bullshit. More: TMJ4

Note 16: If you want to know what the battle for the House looks like right now, we think these two taken together are a pretty good assessment. We’re gonna have to give this everything we’ve got.

Note 17: You know that QAnon hip-hop d-bag who’s running for Congress in Ohio. Well he lied about serving in Afghanistan. Weird. He seemed so normal. More: Associated Press

Note 18: Well this is exciting…

Note 19: The Fed sharply raised interest rates yesterday as they made clear they are fine causing a recession to control inflation. Hey it ain’t like they’re the ones who will get laid off, right? What’s the point of Biden saving the economy if these rich assholes are just gonna wreck it? More: CNN

Note 20: Alrighty, SPs, let’s do some news and then go back to being all sexy. We hope y’all are having a kick ass week. We know you’re out there fighting the good fight, but please remember to rest, hydrate and stay the fuck away from Matt Gaetz. Love y’all!

Come on down, Ginni

Coup plotter and wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, Ginni Thomas, has agreed to be interviewed by the Jan. 6 committee as long as she can bring her musket and tin-foil hat. We’re kidding about the last part. We hope. But yeah, the fucking moron who tried to use her husband’s position to convince state legislators to overturn the will of the American people sure has some explaining to do, and we’re damn grateful to the committee for staying on this. More: CNN

It’s up to you, New York

New York AG Letitia James is not fucking around. And that’s really bad news for all the Trumps except probably Tiffany. Yesterday James announced she is suing Trump and his idiot kids for $250 million for constantly overvaluing his assets and property and just all-around worth. But we all knew that piece of shit ain’t worth much. She also referred what she’s found to SDNY for a criminal investigation because Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg is too much of a chickenshit to do anything. More: CNN

LOLOL

So we all knew Judge Aileen Cannon’s treatment of Trump was stupid, made-up and corrupt. And shockingly, even the ghouls on the 11th Circuit agreed. Yeah, yesterday the same court that said it was fine for Ron DeShitbreath to institute a goddamn poll tax actually took Trump to hell and back by shitting all over every single idiotic thing Cannon said while she was protecting Trump. And maybe most importantly, they ruled that DOJ can continue with its criminal investigation. Trump had a very bad day yesterday. It helps explain why we’re in such a good mood today. More: Huff Post

Today’s clips

An Indiana judge on Thursday blocked the state’s abortion ban from being enforced, putting the new law on hold as abortion clinic operators argue that it violates the state constitution. More: Huff Post

The Iranian President canceled an interview with CNN's Christiane Amanpour after she declined his team's attempt at requiring her to wear a head scarf. Amanpour breaks down what happened. More: CNN

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