Today's Big Stuff 9.2.22

9.2.22

Happy Friday! There are 67 days until the midterm elections. Ginni Thomas is (still) a traitor, Trump goes to bat for domestic terrorists and another stellar jobs report.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses for democracy and shit.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are you today? Well you smell fantastic. Us? Oh just throwing ketchup at the wall. Last night, President Joey Badass did what this country desperately needs him to do — he stepped up and defended our dying democracy. And the press absolutely lost their shit.

GOD-FUCKING-DAMNIT! Oof. The Mothefucking TBS Swear Jar is getting a workout this morning. But seriously, what the effing fuck?! Not only do we have to run against insurrectionists and gerrymandering, but now we have to run against fucking CNN too?! So our plan for this morning was to just start calling these shitheads out by name and cussing them to hell and back. But then we had some caffeine and went for a little walk and thought we’d try a different approach — begging.

Please, beltway media, for the love of god take your heads out of your corporate overlords’ asses and realize that the MAGA monster is coming for you too. You can kiss its behind, you can take it out to drinks and you can try to cultivate it as a source, but the end game is you falling off a balcony. This is your moment. This is when you slide down the fucking poll and save the people trapped inside the burning house. Or just stand there moaning about optics and watch the whole goddamn neighborhood burn to the fucking ground. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: So fuck CNN, right?

Note three: Speaking of fuck, The Motherfucking TBS Swear Jar (#TBSwearJar) campaign got underway yesterday, and we fucking love some of the jars y’all sent us. Ours already runneth over, and we’re realizing this little stunt might fucking bankrupt us. But it’s for a good cause. Today’s swear jar comes to us from the originator of this brilliant idea, TBSer Linda G. Thanks, Linda!

Note four: While we were writing, the inventory of what Trump had at Mar-a-Lago was released and there are a shitload of empty folders marked classified. So um where the hell did the shit inside go and how much did they sell it to Saudi Arabia for?

Note five: Seriously is this bad? Because it looks REALLY fucking bad.

Note six: The Jan. 6 committee wants to talk to Newt Gingrich because apparently that piece of shit was behind a lot of what happened. We are not even a little surprised. More: CNN

Note seven: This is the shit we want to see. Republicans want to come for our friends and family. Well fuck that. More: NBC News

Note eight: Monday is Labor Day, so we’re gonna do a three-day weekend and get back with y’all on Tuesday. And then it’s a sprint to the finish line, which is apropos here because if we don’t win America is finished and Don Jr. will do lines to celebrate.

Note nine: President Biden is meeting with civil rights leaders today. Let’s hope like hell that doesn’t piss CNN off too.

Note 10: So we’ve got an idea where this insurrectionist trash can stick that fist he put up in the air.

Note 11: Blake Masters hired two fake electors to work on his campaign. We’re beginning to think the guy who loves quoting Nazis is a fucking traitor. More: AZ Mirror

Note 12: Oh look a group with support from Mike Flynn and that Overstock crackhead are trying to get thousands of Georgia voters thrown off the rolls. Remember when white reporters told us the new Georgia laws were no big deal? More: Bloomberg

Note 13: Abortion has been illegal in Texas for about a year. And now about 60 percent of Texans support abortion being “available in all or most cases.” More: NPR

Note 14: Here’s Marco Rubio saying unborn children are more important than women living. What a miserable little scumbag. More: Local10

Note 15: Oh hell yeah! The CDC has signed off on the new Omicron vaccine boosters. Hook it to our veins! Literally! More: CNBC

Note 16: We’re so excited for this that we’re not gonna go off about how it should’ve fucking happened a long time ago.

Note 17: Yesterday a Jan. 6er was sentenced to 10 years in prison. He’s a former NYPD cop. But he didn’t give a speech with a red background so he’s probably totally cool. More: NBC News

Note 18: LOL. It’s probably not good when your lawyer gets arrested too. More: NPR

Note 19: Happy birthday to Keanu Reeves. This isn’t political. We’re just big fans.

Note 20: And on that note, let’s do some news before we just fucking lose it and rename this newsletter CNN Fucking Sucks Newsletter. We hope y’all have an awesome long weekend. On Tuesday, we start leaving it all out on the field. We love y’all!

This is insane

Adding to the lunacy of the mainstream media’s meltdown last night is that yesterday we found out that Ginni Thomas also tried her coup bullshit in Wisconsin. We already knew she pulled that crap in Arizona, but now we have an actual fucking email from a Supreme Court justice’s wife pressuring a state lawmaker to participate in an effort to overturn an election. But sure, let’s focus on the red lights behind Biden’s speech. More: CNBC

Say what?

Trump wants to pardon the scum who attacked our Capitol, smeared shit on the walls and beat cops until some of them killed themselves. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GODDAMN OPTICS OF BIDEN’S SPEECH?! If you can’t tell, we are more than a little pissed off. This is pure insanity. A former president wants to pardon domestic terrorists. He’s bragging about it. And the press is choosing to instead boss up on Joe Biden.

Hell yeah

Here’s something else our beloved media is downplaying today — another awesome fucking jobs report. The economy added another 315,000 jobs and the participation rate went up moving the unemployment rate up a tick to 3.7 percent. This is great news for the American economy, and if Joe Biden was orange that’s all we’d be hearing today. More: Axios

Today’s clips

Pennsylvania’s Republican nominee for governor on Thursday sued the congressional committee investigating the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol, contesting its legal ability to force him to answer questions about it. More: Huff Post

A federal grand jury investigating the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection and former President Donald Trump’s efforts to steal the 2020 presidential election will hear from former White House lawyer Pat Cipollone and his then-deputy Patrick Philbin on Friday, according to news reports. More: Huff Post

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