Today’s Big Stuff 9.15.22

Today’s Big Stuff 9.15.22

It’s Thursday. There are 54 days until the midterm elections. Biden solves another big problem, Republicans get in the human-trafficking business and Dark Brandon(‘s approval rating) rises.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. But you can’t spell cuss without us. Goddamn that’s dumb.

Note: Sexy Patriots! Holy shit are you glad this week is almost over? Yeah, us too. But before we get there, we’ve got something big and kinda shocking for you. We were so mad after watching Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott traffic human beings to make a political point that we fell to our knees and screamed to the Heavnes “HOW THE FUCK CAN THESE SOULLESS SCUMFUCKING MONSTERS PRETEND TO FOLLOW JESUS?!” We admit it was a bit melodramatic. But then a light appeared in the sky, and next thing we know, we’ve got an exclusive interview with the dude himself. So here is a TBS exclusive interview with Jesus Henry Christ…

TBS: So this is a big get for us.

JHC: I thought the thing you did with Bannon’s shirts was pretty good.

TBS: You saw that?

JHC: Dudes.

TBS: Oh right. Anyway, we wanted to ask you if you think people like Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott are really followers of yours.

JHC: So look, I’m the son of God so I try not to cuss. But what the fuck do you think? You think I talked about peace and love to inspire those daddamn dirtbags to treat their fellow man like this? Shit no!

TBS: We like it when you cuss.

JHC: Well then you should hang around whenever Trump pretends to know me.

TBS: Y’all don’t talk?

JHC: We met at a party once, he hit on Mary and then tried to sell me some nuclear secrets.

TBS: Yikes.

JHC: Yeah, he’s a piece of shit but he didn’t come from our factory.

TBS: Oh. Well is there anything you want to say to the scumbags who praise your name and then treat human beings like pieces of trash?

JHC: Yeah, fuck you and I won’t be seeing you soon. Assholes.

TBS: Well, let’s hope they get the message.

Note two: Hey, nothing like a little Thursday blasphemy right? That was out there even for us, but we are just so fucking mad about this evil shit. To even things out, we’ll stick an extra dollar in the #TBSwearJar. Speaking of which, today we’re unveiling our races where we’ll be donating the money from our September swearing. Sam has decided to give his money to help U.S. Sen. Catherine Cortez Masto in Nevada and Mandela Barnes in Wisconsin. Adam, who has been cursing non-stop, is contributing to Tim Ryan in Ohio, Val Demings in Florida and Stacey Abrams in Georgia. We want to hear from you. Where is your cussin’ money going?

Note three: So this is by far the most interesting story that’s not dominating headlines right now. In anything approximating a normal world, this would be a Holy Fucking Shit headline. More: Business Insider

Note four: Y’all see that President Joe “Cool” Biden was introduced in Michigan yesterday as “kicking ass for the working class?” So true. Also, we like this side-by-side…

Note five: This doesn’t seem good for Gym Jordan. He’s damn lucky he’s got a mainstream media willing to ignore this heinous shit. More: The Lantern

Note six: Democrats have taken the lead in Fox News’s generic ballot poll and they’re doing everything they can to pretend we didn’t. More: Fox News

Note seven: We’re beginning to think this guy isn’t a very good journalist and that kissing orange ass causes brain damage.

Note eight: So there are a bunch of new Trump-wanted-to-fly-to-space-and-fuck-the-moon stories coming out of yet more new books from reporters who did shitty jobs covering him in real time, and we won’t be linking to any of them.

Note nine: How badly did Lindsey Graham fuck up with his national abortion ban? Even the shit-smelling lunatics on his side are mad about it. Not because they disagree, but because they know it’s going to get them crushed. More: Media Matters

Note 10: It’s moving slower than fucking molasses, but discipline cases against Rudy and Jeff Clark are moving along. More: Bloomberg

Note 11: Remember when Mr. Rogers said if there are pieces of pig shit trafficking human beings and you’re so disgusted you just want to hurl your own turds at them instead look for the helpers? We might be paraphrasing.

Note 12: LOLOL. Mark Meadows complied with the subpoena!!!!!! More: CNN

Note 13: Rand Paul told Sean Hannity that he’s not vaccinated. Pro tip — don’t get your medical advice from an eye doctor with no undergraduate degree and a fake licensing board. NO LINK

Note 14: So even for Texas, this is extremely fucked up. The state is delaying the release of maternal death data until after the midterms. Evil. Pure goat-fucking evil. More: Houston Chronicle

Note 15: House Republicans went even further than Lindsey Graham yesterday. They introduced a bill that would give pharmacists the power to deny medication to women if they think it might be used to cause an abortion. Keep doubling down, you sick fucks. More: HHS

Note 16: Marco Rubio is on board with Lindsey’s bullshit too. More: Orlando Sentinel

Note 17: Remember that piece of shit who voted against gay marriage and then went to his gay son’s wedding? Well he thinks that was just fine. More: HuffPost

Note 18: Alrighty, SPs, let’s go do some news. We love y’all and we hope you’re having an awesome week. We also hope there are still readers left after that opening note. See y’all tomorrow!

Note 19: Also, just because it’s September, here’s Earth, Wind and Fire again.

Go Joe!

So the US economy was on the brink of disaster if the railroads shut down over a labor dispute. And then came Joey Badass and Labor Secretary Marty Walsh and 20 hours of negotiations. Now the strike is averted and railworkers are getting some basic shit like a paid sick day here or there. So add that to the list behind supply chains, baby formula, high gas prices and all the other shit Biden has faced and beaten. This is huge, and we’re damn proud of our president.

More: CNN

So fucking gross

Yeah, we’ve talked about it a lot, but let’s talk about it some more. The Dirtbag Party sent planeloads of immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard and outside the VP’s residence in Washington, D.C. They’ve run out of shit to try and run on, so they’re just going back to being the heartless racist scum they’ve always been. Fuck them.

More: CNN

Oh hell yeah

Another reason Republicans are freaking out and being racist dicks? Dark Brandon is rising. That’s right, Joe Biden’s approval number is going up across the board. The most recent poll to show it? The Associated Press has Biden at 45 percent, which is up from 36 percent the last time they asked. Keep kicking ass, Joe!

More: AP News

Today’s clips

The sight of a 10-year-old Uvalde school shooting victim allegedly won’t change Sen. Ted Cruz’s (R-Texas) stance on an assault weapons ban. More: HuffPost 

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.