Today's Big Stuff 8.25.22

8.25.22

It’s Thursday. There are 75 days until the midterm elections. The right once again loses it over regular Americans getting help, we were right about everything Mueller and Bill Barr and Trump’s war on McConnell gets hot and hilarious.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. We could try and bleep it out, but fuck that.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you? Well whatever you’re doing, it’s working. You’re finding us in an unusually good mood today, and we realized this morning that’s a far cry from the origins of this newsletter. For years, we’ve had nothing but bad news to cuss about. TBS was created to cuss and laugh away the crazy and horrors of Trumpland. But lately, we’ve had a lot of good news to cuss about too.

Today’s good news is that student loan relief will help a lot of people who need it and boost our economy. But that’s not the only good news we’re celebrating here at TBS.

WOO-FUCKING-HOO!!!!!! Holy fucking shit! Did you ever think anyone associated with this insane newsletter would actually get married?! We didn’t either.

A few years ago, Adam told Sam to turn the funny little notes he was doing for six people into a newsletter. He’s distributed it every morning and somehow found the resources to keep this motherfucker going. There is no TBS without Adam. So seeing him this happy, brings tears of joy to our goddamn eyes. Congratulations to Adam and Ally. We love y’all and wish you a lifetime of happiness and non-Trumpism.

Note two: Sam is still single. It might be his personality.

Note three: Alright, that’s about as sweet and sentimental as we get around here. So let’s talk dirty. For a good cause! Yesterday we told you about our dear TBSer Linda G.’s idea to have a swear jar. So on Sept. 1, The Motherfucking TBS Swear Jar is on. Get you a jar, decorate it and for the month of September, every time you cuss, stick some money in the jar. Then at the end of September, donate that money to a candidate you want to help. We’re getting jars too, and we’re pretty fucking excited about this brilliant fucking idea.

Note four: We’re gonna talk more about student loans in the news section, but how much do we love it when Joe goes Joey Badass? He should just never take the aviators off. Wear them indoors. Wear them at night.

Note five: Also, Biden is moving on DACA. Don’t look now, y’all, but Democrats are in crazy array. More: CNN

Note six: We need to be talking more about how Republicans have declared war on gay kids. Were suicide rates just getting too low? More: KLKNTV

Note seven: Just a reminder that on Tuesday night we won a special election we weren’t supposed to because American women are fucking livid that a corrupt Supreme Court stripped them of basic human rights. Bring on November, motherfuckers.

Note eight: Uh-oh. Y’all thought we were rolling before? Well now 44 is getting in the fundraising game to help us keep the Senate and grow our majority. More: Axios

Note nine: So we’ve been talking about good news today, but obviously shit is still scary out there. This week four more states’ trigger laws kicked in outlawing abortion and endangering women’s health. Anyone want to make them eat shit at the polls? Yeah, us too. More: CNN

Note 10: So it’s funny that Lil’ Dick DeSantis is calling someone who is only two inches shorter than him an elf. But it sure as fuck isn’t funny that he’s calling for physical violence against a dedicated public servant. So where was all the fucking pearl-clutching on cable news yesterday?

Note 11: So the federal government has moved to curb ghost guns. Did y’all ever think you’d see as much movement on guns out of Washington as we’ve seen this year? Yeah, we didn’t either. More: CNBC

Note 12: Remember that Florida judge who told a teenage girl she was mature enough to have a baby but not mature enough to have an abortion? Well voters made her unemployed. More: Independent

Note 13: It’s not all good news out of Florida. But really, when is it ever? Lil’ Dick DeSantis’s school board picks did scary well. Guess those students will be learning about how Superman and White Jesus teamed up to start America and that 2 + 2 = Orange. More: Washington Post

Note 14: Why the hell is Georgia having to carry the burden of calling Lindsey Graham on his crimes? Fani Willis sure makes a lot of DC folks look gutless. More: Yahoo News

Note 15: Want to know why there’s a worker shortage? A million of your fellow Americans died in a pandemic and another 2 million have long COVID. But sure, lock Fauci up. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 16: Some of us here at TBS have battled substance abuse issues in the past, so we try to be careful when we make light of shit like that. But someone really needs to ask this motherfucker if he’s smoking crack again.

Note 17: Yesterday the NYT’s new investigative reporter wrote an extensive hit piece accusing Joe Biden of lying about being the first in his family to go to college. His proof? An 80-year-old application to night school from Joe’s dad. WHAT THE EFFING FUCK IS HAPPENING AT THAT SHITTY FUCKING NEWSPAPER?! NO GODDAMN LINK

Note 18: Gosh. We can’t believe one of Trump’s cabinet members is a lying and corrupt piece of shit. They’re usually so cool. More: CNN

Note 19: We don’t know wrestling all that well anymore, but we know when popular politics shit breaks through.

Note 20: And on that weird ass note, let’s go do some news, Sexy Patriots. Thanks for indulging our personal announcements this morning about Adam’s happy news and Sam dying alone. We hope y’all are having a great week, and we’ll see you tomorrow. Love y’all!

Fascist tears

Joe Biden helped a bunch of Amerians and the economy yesterday, and Republicans are fucking furious about it. But here’s the the thing — they’re always fucking mad. It’s gotten kind of old. Oh you’re mad? Are you Disney is making your kid gay mad or are you To Kill a Mockinbird is making my kid not-racist mad? We didn’t poll test or focus group this response to Republicans but we still like it — fuck off.

Goddamnit

So we finally got a look at Bill Barr’s bullshit reasons for not charging Trump with obstruction, and it’s somehow worse than we thought. Basically Barr said Trump could obstruct an investigation if he felt like it. Ok so there’s a little more to it than that but honestly not much. Remember a few weeks ago when Barr did a mainstream media tour and got nothing but softball questions? More: CNN

LOLOL

It’s the tortoise vs. the very bad hair. Trump has really been losing his shit on something called truth social these last few days, and yesterday’s target was everyone’s favorite demon turtle Mitch McConnell. Yeah, Trump is really ratcheting up the attacks on Mitch and his wife. And Mitch seems to just be taking it. We sure do hate Trump. But we’d be lying if we said we weren’t enjoying this part. More: CBS News

Today’s clips

The US carried out additional airstrikes targeting enemy positions and rocket launchers near Deir ez-Zor in northeast Syria following a rocket attack on coalition bases in the region that injured three US troops on Wednesday, according to a US official. More: CNN

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