Today's Big Stuff 6.9.22

6.9.22

It’s Thursday. There are 152 days until the midterm elections. The House moves on guns, the Trumps are getting deposed and hell yeah it’s finally hearing day. 

Be advised: This is a cussin’ newsletter, and it’s about to do some serious fuckin’ cussin’. 

Note: Someone tell Giuliani that says “fuckin’ cussin” and not “fucking cousins.” How are you today, Sexy Patriots? Ready to hold some treasonous motherfuckers accountable? Us too. But today is important for a lot of reasons. And near the top of the list is a sanity check. 

We, the Sexy Patriots, remember clear as a bell that horrible fucked up day even when others have forgotten. We have read the details of Trump’s coup plotting while others have read about Johnny Depp. We have listened to the widows and the Capitol police tell their shocking stories while others have listened to lies. Well, tonight is where we’re reminded that we’re not crazy, and we are 100 percent correct to be fucking furious, fucking disgusted and fucking ready to make sure that fucking shit never happens again. 

So whatever else these hearings are — a chance for Liz Cheney to redeem her demon father, a chance for the NYT to kiss insurrectionist ass and both sides a coup, a chance for Trump to shit so much blood he becomes a paler shade of orange — it’s also a chance for us to reset and remember why we care so much and why that horrible day had such a profound and lasting effect on us. 

So tonight just remember that you’re not crazy. The motherfuckers who attacked our government are. And if you need any further convincing, just remember you’re on the opposite side as this deranged pig-fucking piece of shit…

Note two: We know that with all the violence in the air that you’re probably a little worried about your kids. But don’t worry. Washington is moving at light speed to protect… Ginni Thomas. 

Maybe we’re just dicks, but we don’t get why the hell we’re supposed to care more about Brett Kavanaugh’s fucking safety than America’s schoolchildren and we sure as hell don’t understand why we asked how high when Mitch McConnell said jump.  

Note three: We do want to note that Chuck Schumer has been bashing the shit out of Fox News for trying to ignore the Jan. 6 hearings, and it’s the kind of thing we want to see more of. 

Note four: So has this awesome badass American…

Note five: Washington is getting ready for a summer of violence. We don’t know about y’all, but that scares the shit out of us. More: CNN

Note six: Trump’s Senate candidate in Arizona appears to be a racist. Sorry. He is definitely a racist. He appears to be a douchebag. More: NBC News

Note seven: Oh and he’s also a Jan. 6 conspiracy theorist. More: CNN

Note eight: Y’all, everything is so shitty right now so please take a moment to wallow in Peter Navarro’s pain. Watching him beg for money to pay his legal fees while crying that me might soon be eating dog food is what we imagine it sounds like when angels sing. Enjoy your dog food, Peter. More: CNN

Note nine: So House Democrats passed a resolution condemning replacement theory, which is something Republicans have refused to do and the press just moved on. Here’s our question — why did two Democrats (Jared Golden of Maine and Elissa Slotkin of Michigan) vote against it? More: The Hill

Note 10: You might have seen the NYT’s Peter Baker doing a Javanka image rehab tour assuring us that the two had nothing to do with the coup attempt despite Ivanka calling the terrorists patriots. So why is he doing it? Well first he and his wife have a book coming out, and they want people to buy it. Second, we found out yesterday that Biden hasn’t given Peter an interview, and he is very upset about it. So yeah, take these fuckers with a grain of salt. Most of them are corrupt self-serving assholes. POLITICO STORY SO NO LINK

Note 11: The Washington football team is basically the Trump of football teams. Every time you think they can’t get worse, they get so much fucking worse. More: ESPN

Note 12: It looks like the Georgia GOP officials are gonna publicly testify for the Jan. 6 hearings. We’re not big fans, but it’s probably a wise move. More: Axios

Note 13: Un-fucking-believable. Texas hates its children. And their parents. More: Rolling Stone

Note 14: Ok so here’s some happy judicial news, which we know is in short supply. Yesterday the Senate confirmed Nina Morrison as a district judge. What has she done? Well, she’s freed a shitload of innocent people. Congrats! More: Reuters

Note 15: Wow. “Dr.” Oz beat that other asshole by only 951 votes. As if we didn’t know already, every vote is important. 

Note 16: So Schumer and Manchin met yesterday to talk about a new BBB, and these are literally the only words we’re going to write about it because we are not fucking falling for that shit again. NO LINK

Note 17: Sounds like the Supreme Court is a really shitty place to work these days. Good. More: NPR

Note 18: DOJ is actually a real place, and Merrick Garland is apparently a real person. It’s understandable if you’ve doubted either of those things. But yesterday they announced a nine-person team to investigate the police response to Uvalde, which is probably good news for the coward cops of Uvalde. More: CNN

Note 19: Trump thought the kids he separated from their parents were being reunited too fast. Time is allowing people to forget how evil he is. It’s our job to remind them. More: Washington Post

Note 20: Ok, you gorgeous SPs, to the news! We hope y’all are tuning in to the hearings. We also hope you’re having an awesome week. Love y’all!

Let’s go!

Yesterday the House passed the Protecting Our Kids Act, a series of bills that would raise the age to buy a military-style weapon to 21, ban high capacity magazines, ban bump stocks and ghost guns and a host of other common-sense regulations that Americans want to see. Two Democrats (Golden, Schrader) voted against it. Five Republicans voted for it. The Senate will never vote on it. Today Chris Murphy and John Cornyn said they hope to have their package ready for a vote before the July Fourth recess. We believe Cornyn is full of shit and just stalling. We hope we’re wrong. More: CNN

LOL

The Trumps are getting deposed! That’s right on July 15, Don, Ivanka and Junior will have to sit for depositions in the New York AG’s investigation into the Trump org. They really should be in jail right now and it’s probably kinda sad that we’re this happy that they’re facing the bare minimum of legal accountability, but we’ll take it! More: ABC News

It’s time

Ok so it’s hearing day. Y’all ready? Trump sent an army of scum to attack our Capitol and overturn our election. He hates our country, he hates democracy and he tried to end them both. Tonight begins our last shot at holding him accountable. Godspeed to the committee members and the heroes of that awful day. Oh and we sure hope Kevin enjoys eating shit sandwiches. More: New York Times

Today’s clips

The FBI raided the home of Michigan Republican gubernatorial candidate Ryan Kelley on Thursday morning. More: Bridge MI

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