Today's Big Stuff 6.8.22

6.8.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 153 days until the midterm elections. DeSantis has a traitor for a spokeswoman, Trump wanted to join the insurrection and the House moves on guns.

Be advised: This newsletter is a lot like Politico Playbook. Except we don’t kiss Republican ass and we cuss like some motherfuckers. Also, we don’t usually do birthdays.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! And a happy humping Hump Day to you. As per usual, everything is all humped up, so we’ve got plenty to cuss about. Wait a minute. What’s that? Is it something trying to melt our cynicism and make us believe in the humanity of the U.S.? It better fucking not be because we are totally not in the mood oh what the hell why not…

Well damn. We know you’ve probably seen that by now, but we wanted to show it again. Why? Because fucking Wooderson from fucking Dazed and Confused made us cry yesterday, and we need to talk about it. (For the record, he also made us cry in Dallas Buyers Club, which is an awesome movie.) Yeah, the guy from those commercials for Lincolns and shrooms delivered some truth that sounded like thunder sent direct from heaven and god’s private stash and it was fucking beautiful. And moving. And important. And thank you, Mr. McConaughey.

Now we’ll admit, we haven’t always thought much of this fella’s flirtations with politics, and we’re sorry if we got this wrong. But it’s a great reminder that in this fight, there are unlikely heroes at every turn. One day it’s a woman riding her bike and giving Trump the finger. The next day it’s an actor reminding Americans of their basic humanity. Maybe it’s a cussing newsletter. Maybe it’s you. There are dark clouds everywhere, and we’re all doing what we can to bring out the sun. Yesterday Matthew McConaughey was the sun. Shit. Now we sound like the ones on shrooms. Y’all wanna buy a Lincoln?

Note two: McConaughey’s moment was crucial yesterday. So were moments like this one…

Note three: We need to apologize. We’re totally backed up on returning emails, and we feel like real dicks about it. It’s Sam’s fault. Blame Sam. This is all on Sam.

Note four: SCOTUS didn’t take away anyone’s rights today, but be sure to check back tomorrow and see what new rules the Taliban has for us all.

Note five: The East Coast media is convinced that the election results from California last night mean that Democrats are doomed. But they think that every time Tom Brady wins a football game. The important thing to remember is that Karen Bass is now in a run-off with a billionaire Republican, and this is one we need to win.

Note six: Are y’all doing anything special for the Jan. 6 hearing? We’re thinking chips and dip and maybe a pizza. We probably won’t beat any cops with the American flag. That’s really more the other side. More: The Guardian

Note seven: They told us Andrew Yang was smart. Fucking liars.

Note eight: This is the opposite of breaking news, but Ron Johnson is a scumbag.

Note nine: That racist asshole that Elise Stefanik endorsed said he has no idea how posts claiming Buffalo and Uvalde were false flags got on his Facebook page. More: Buffalo News

Note 10: A dude with a gun was arrested near Brett Kavanaugh’s house today. So today is the day when Republicans show us they care way more about their Supreme Court pet than an 11-year-old in Texas. More: CNN

Note 11: Is the crazy starting to thaw? Probably not, but we’ll take it. More: USA Today

Note 12: The New York Times really embarrassed itself again, telling us how Jared Kushner “washed his hands” of Trump long before Jan. 6. Dear NYT, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WRITE EVERY FUCKING LIE THEY TELL YOU! NO LINK

Note 13: What are you doing this weekend? Well March For Our Lives has more than 450 gun reform marches planned around the nation this Saturday. You in?

Note 14: Did you see that miserable piece of shit from Newsmax ask McConaughey if he was “grandstanding?” Fuck that scumbag. More: Salon

Note 15: Goddamn. We lost Jim Seals. Summer Breeze is a certified banger.

Note 16: We were gonna share with you either the Politico or the CNN story about how Mitch McConnell is secretly in favor of raising age to buy a semi-automatic rifle, but then we remembered we’re not gullible kiss-asses who buy McConnell’s bullshit. NO LINKS

Note 17: It’s pretty fucking scary that so many of these dudes being charged with sedition are former military. More: Axios

Note 18: It’s super chill that Trump judges are openly talking about how they want to stick it to their fellow Americans. More: Reuters

Note 19: The White House has started rationing COVID funds. How the hell have we dropped the ball on this so fucking badly? More: Washington Post

Note 20: Ok, you gorgeous freedom fighters, let’s get to the news. We hope y’all are having an awesome week, and we can’t wait to see you back here tomorrow.

The new adventures of old Christine

We are way too proud of ourselves for that one. But yeah, Christine Pushaw, the horrible thing that Ron DeSantis shat out and a gave a taxpayer-paid salary to is not loyal to America despite all the time she spends on Twitter attacking Americans. But Christine has now had to register as a foreign agent after being contacted by DOJ because she used to work for the country of Georgia. So not only is she a terrible terrible human being, she’s also a fucking traitor. Eat shit, Christine. More: Washington Post

No way he walks that far

So Trump’s Secret Service agents have been talking to the Jan. 6 committee, and they said that Trump really wanted to walk up 1600 Pennsylvania with the terrorists he ultimately sent to overthrow the government. C’mon, Jan. 6 committee. Nail this fucker. More: Washington Post

Let’s go

This morning as we’ve been writing, we’ve also been listening to heart-wrenching testimony from parents and survivors from Uvalde. While the nation was hearing recorded testimony from an 11 year old girl who smeared blood on herself to appear dead, Republicans were demanding to know why more isn’t being done to protect Brett Kavanaugh. Fortunately, Democrats are trying to do something, and the House will bring up the Protecting Our Kids Act, a package of eight gun reform measures, today. More: NBC News, CBS News

Today’s clips

U.S. House Rep. Steven Palazzo, a Republican who has served Mississippi’s 4th Congressional District since 2011, will fight to save his seat in a runoff later this month after failing to secure at least 50% of the vote in Tuesday night’s Republican Party primary. More: Mississippi Free Press

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