Today’s Big Stuff 6.7.22

June 07, 2022

Today’s Big Stuff 6.7.22

It’s Tuesday. There are 154 days until the midterm elections. DHS warns of violence, the White House does something really dumb and Fox ain’t even pretending to be news anymore.

Be advised: We cuss like sailors. But not Popeye. Because then you wouldn’t be able to understand a goddamn word we said. Also, he’s a cartoon.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We finally did it! We finally came up with an idea for an opening note that was so fucked up and twisted that even we were like nope better not. Basically the idea was a script for a raunchy college movie where Kyle Rittenhouse goes to Texas A&M and everytime he tries to do something college-y people run screaming because they don’t want him to murder them.

Yeah, it was a little too dark. So instead we’re gonna do something totally out of character and start today with some great fucking news. Y’all, this week we added up the numbers, and we discovered that TBS is less than 1,500 subscribers away from 100,000. 100,000!!!!!! Can y’all fucking believe it? This fucked up foul-mouthed newsletter that started out as a clip service for six people has just about grown all the way up. We are so goddamn grateful to your sexy ass for helping us build this we could kiss you. We won’t though because nobody wants a newsletter that tries to kiss them, and we get that.

If we’ve learned anything these last few years, it’s that there is strength and comfort in numbers. From the darkest days of Trump to the best days of Biden, y’all have lifted us up and kept us fighting even on days when we would’ve liked to have slept in or moved to Panama. You have no idea how much you mean to us. We’re about to start cuss-crying.

We don’t know what we’re gonna do for the big number when we hit it. Probably some kind of fucked up dance party or some shit. But we do know we love you. Thank you, Sexy Patriots. Whatever this fucked up world throws at us, we can face it together, sexy as all hell.

Note two: Dusty in here. Should we go back to cussing rage mode? Ok cool. Y’all see this backwards dumb pig-fucking shithead who wants to ban drag shows in Texas? Hey, fuckstick, drag shows didn’t shoot those kids and they damn sure didn’t make the cops stand outside pissing themselves.

Note three: Today is Prince’s birthday. RIP. We miss you.

Note four: Hmmm. The Proud Boys just saw their charges get upgraded to seditious conspiracy. Remember when these fuckers were invited to the White House? More: CNN

Note five: Btw, fuck Kyle Rittenhouse. Did he not get the memo that schools are trying to prevent shooters and not give them a dorm room? More: Texas Tribune

Note six: Did y’all see that Marjorie Taylor Groomer hired an actual goddamn groomer? This is when it sucks to be in a party that thinks politics is beneath them. Because we could really make some noise with this shit. More: Business Insider

Note seven: IT’S ELECTION DAY!!! Do you live somewhere people are voting (CA, IA, MS, MT, NJ, NM, SD)? Are you one of them? If you’re in Los Angeles, vote anyone but Caruso. He’s a Republican endorsed by Elon Musk.

Note eight: This isn’t all that important, but can we just say how disappointed we are in Snoop Dogg. We’ve been super fans of the D-O-G-G since he got his start, and it sucks to watch him become a goddamn Republicans. Do better, Snoop.

Note nine: Here’s today’s reminder that the New York Times is an absolute shit paper that works hard to elect more Republicans because it’s good for their business.

Note 11:“Hide the Pride?” Fuck these assholes. We ain’t hiding shit. More: Bookriot

Note 12: In Texas, Jessica Cisneros has asked for a recount. A brutal reminder that our party leadership went to the mat for a pro-NRA anti-choice Democrat. Ugh. More: CNN

Note 13: So we are trying SO hard not to be our usual cynical dickhead selves about the ongoing gun violence negotiations. But it ain’t easy. More: NY Times

Note 14: Even a broken corrupt Supreme Court filled with deranged cult members didn’t want to help these two scumbags. More: Axios

Note 15: Michigan is getting serious about the people who tried to overturn an election. Goddamn good to see it. More: Reuters

Note 16: Man, Phil Mickelson sure turned out to be a real piece of shit. Enjoy that blood money, asshole. More: CNBC

Note 17: Ok so this is either really cool or really awesome. If you’d asked us a few years ago if we’d like to see the planets align, we’d say sure that sounds kick ass. But now it seems like it’s almost definitely going to usher in some kind of inter-dimensional shit-breathing lava monster. More: NPR

Note 18: Hey, so y’all brace yourselves because it looks like we’re probably getting SCOTUS decisions tomorrow and Thursday. And yes, it will be really fucked up if they overturn Roe to overshadow the Jan. 6 hearing.

Note 19: Good on New York for passing some stronger gun laws. More: AP News

Note 20: Ok, you beautiful beautiful freedom fighters, let’s get to the news before Sam gets all choked up again. This week is going to get intense, so please make sure you’re practicing self-care and unplugging from time to time. We love y’all, and we’re damn glad you joined us today.

Scary summer

DHS is warning that with an increase in lies about the election and looming SCOTUS decisions that are going to send an earthquake through American society, more violence is probably in the forecast. Honestly, we’ve been thinking about it the last couple weeks and this really does feel like it’s setting up to be an ugly violent summer. We are going to make our voices heard, but y’all please be careful out there.

C’mon, man

We are Biden fans. We are especially big DOCTOR Biden fans. But we just can’t figure out for the fucking life of us who the fuck thought it was a good idea to bring Louis DeJoy to the White House to honor Nancy goddamn Reagan with a fucking stamp. That lady told an entire generation of gay men to fuck off and die. It’s Pride Month goddamnit! And Louis DeJoy fucking sucks! If you’re at the White House and you’re reading this, we love you but you need to stop doing really stupid shit like this.

Fair and balanced

While literally every other network will be broadcasting the Jan. 6 hearing Thursday, Fox has decided to air Tucker Carlson’s Klan meeting instead. Yeah, they’re only showing the hearing on Fox Business with super real journalist Bret Baer. We were gonna hit these fuckers pretty hard and then someone did it for us…

Today’s clips

Donald Trump and the White House were “at the center” of events triggering last year’s violent Capitol insurrection, and the House Jan. 6 select committee has uncovered evidence against the former president “about a lot more than incitement,” panel member Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md.) said on Monday.

More: HuffPost

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