Today's Big Stuff 6.1.21

6.1.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 160 days until the midterm elections. Trump gave Iran the bomb, Hillary ain’t getting locked up and SCOTUS has some issues.

Be advised: You know how some newsletters don’t cuss, are sponsored by big shady defense companies and spell everything right? Well we don’t play that shite.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How are your fine asses this fine day? That fine?! Wow! Good for you! Us? Our asses are also fine and we are in a great fucking mood. Why? Well, because IT’S PRIDE MONTH, BABY!!! That’s right. It’s June, which means it’s time to celebrate people having the freedom to truly be themselves in a country that’s supposed to be all about that shit.

To commemorate the start of this joyous occasion, we’d like to announce the launch of the TBS Trading Places Campaign. No, this doesn’t have anything to do with the supremely hilarious 1983 Eddie Murphy-Dan Akroyd movie. Basically the way this works is we find every mouth-breathing bigoted pig-fucking homophobe shiteater out there, and we shove their punk asses in a closet. Yeah, our friends and family members have fought really goddamn hard for a really long goddamn time to be able to be themselves, and they ain’t going back. So the miserable skidmarks who want them to can have their place instead.

So please tell your Uncle Jim Bob or that super creepy preacher or that PTA member with the big mouth and the ugly family that they can try banning books and calling teachers groomers and passing anti-LGBTQ+ laws, but we’re going to keep calling them out on their bullshit and standing up for the people we love and the people they love.

Don’t like it? Well, just step right up and step right in. Someone will be along to help you out in about never. Because around here, we don’t just say gay. We shout that shit from the motherfucking rooftops. Have a Happy Pride Month, everyone!

Note two: Y’all know we don’t link to Politico. Today that is difficult because they have an important story. So we’ll just show you this tweet from Marc Elias, and then we won’t look at what you do with it. That work?

Note three: What the effing hell is going on with Texas cops? We didn’t expect them to be honest or competent, but this is nuts. More: CNN

Note four: Also, um, what the fuck kind of shithole country requires shit like this?

Note five: LOL. Trump got absolutely creamed in Georgia, so of course he found a journalist who thought the vaccine contained satanic DNA to explain it to us. Also, how was Satanic DNA not a band in the 80s? More: Washington Post

Note six: Wow. We’re shocked Elon treats his workers like shit. He seems to be such a dick to everyone else. More: Reuters

Note seven: It is flat out fucking insane the way Wisconsin Republicans lost control of the guy they put in charge of finding voter fraud that doesn’t exist. It’s almost like they’re all dangerous fucking idiots. More: Madison.com

Note eight: Oh shit. We got our first poll in the Ohio Senate race, and Tim Ryan is within the MOE on JD Vance. What do y’all think? Can we win this? More: The Hill

Note nine: Remember how Trump told the country that American traitor Mike Flynn was improperly “unmasked” by the Obama administration. Yeah, that was a lie. We know you’re stunned. More: Buzzfeed News

Note 10: Hey, this isn’t news, but we wanted to say a quick thank you. When we see tweets like this…

Or this…

… we almost start happy crying instead of oh-holy-shit-look-at-the-state-of-things crying. Y’all are just the best, and we are so damn grateful to you for joining us, sending us notes, keeping us going and fighting the good fight. From the bottoms of our hearts, thank you:)

Note 11: Next week the Senate Judiciary Committee is holding a hearing on domestic terrorism and replacement theory. We’re gonna need Dick Durbin to be tougher than he’s ever been. It won’t be hard to do. More: The Hill

Note 12: Want to know what the president is thinking about Russia and Ukraine? Well he laid it out in this NYT op-ed. Do we think it’s stupid and outdated thinking to keep propping up editorial pages for shitty newspapers? Yes we do. More: New York Times

Note 13: This was pretty great.

Note 14: If you’re like us, you’ve been horrified about the Brittney Griner situation. We thought this is a good explainer on what’s going on. More: Defector

Note 15: Alrighty, SPs, we’ve gotta get our hot asses on over to the news section. We hope this short week is treating you right. And we hope today is even better. Love y’all!

Good job, asshole

Remember how the Obama administration brought together the whole free world to come up with a treaty that would keep Iran from getting a nuclear weapon? And remember how Donald Trump’s dumb ass tore it up because a Black guy did it? Well, it turns out that making decisions based on stupid fucking racism is really fucking stupid. Yeah, Iran now has enough material for a bomb. Great job, dipshit. More: NBC News

LOL

Well, you won’t believe it but the Russian conspiracy story wasn’t a hoax. And John Durham didn’t prove Trump right. And Hillary ain’t going to jail. And an American president really did work with Russia to steal an American election. Yesterday, John Durham’s first big trial ended in fast and embarrassing defeat for him as former Hillary lawyer Michael Sussman was acquitted in like two seconds. Hey, Merrick, you think it’s time to put an end to this dumb shit? More: CNN

YIKES-US

That’s supposed to be SCOTUS but with Yikes instead. But if we have to explain it, we probably should’ve gone with a different subhed. Yesterday the court ruled 5-4, with a weird configuration, to stay the Texas ruling that said social media companies weren’t allowed to moderate hate speech and shit like that. It was the right decision, but it came with some fucked up shit. Oh and the court has a 54 percent disapproval rating now. Good work, Mitch! More: CNN, STL Today

Today’s clips

A Denver-based federal appeals court has agreed with a lower court’s dismissal of a lawsuit that claimed the 2020 presidential election was stolen from President Donald Trump and had been rigged by Dominion Voting Systems, Facebook (now Meta) and others. More: Huff Post

Today’s clips

NO CLIPS HAVE A GREAT WEEK!!!

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.