Today's Big Stuff 5.31.22

5.31.22

It’s Tuesday. There are 161 days until the midterm elections. A long sad weekend for Joe Biden, Merrick Garland thoroughly pisses us off and Canadian kids get to live.

Be advised: This is a cussing newsletter. If you don’t like cussing or news or letters, this might not be the read for you.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How was your long weekend?! Did you honor those who sacrificed everything so that we might have freedom that is hanging on by a thread? Did you grill? Did you get rested up for a summer of organizing and speaking out? Did you absolutely lose your shit when you saw Joe Biden once again praising Mitch McConnell?!

ACK! That’s right, the president has made us go full-on Cathy comic strip. Dude! Stop! Come the fuck on, man! We love you, Mr. President, but how the hell did you make it to adulthood without blindly jumping into the windowless van of some blood-stained party clown handing out candy?

Look, we’ve never wanted to be wrong about anything more than our lives. We hope like hell that Chris Murphy can actually get a deal and that McConnell and Cornyn aren’t lying pieces of shit who sold their souls to the gun lobby years ago. But guess what — they fucking are and they fucking did. So instead of giving them cover to be awful while more kids die, maybe we should be on offense against the fuckers trying to finish off our democracy in a river of blood and stupidity.

Or an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal on inflation is almost as good. Goddamnit, Joe! Guess it’s up to us to do the fighting this year if we want to win. More: Yahoo News

Note two: This is really short notice, but today at noon eastern, some folks are doing a moment of silence for 21 minutes.

Note three: If you missed our friends The Good Liars trolling the absolute shit out of the NRA, you’re in for a treat.

Note four: Also, Sam saw the new Top Gun this weekend, and it is fucking awesome.

Note five: You want to hear something interesting about Paul Pelosi? He was not a part of an effort to overthrow the government in 2021. If we’re gonna talk about Washington spouses, maybe we start with the dirty motherfuckers who were.

Note six: In case you missed it Friday, Republicans are refusing subpoenas from the Jan. 6 committee. So they are continuing to cover up an attack on the U.S. Capitol. Doesn’t sound so goddamn rational to us. More: CNN

Note seven: Peter Navarro is a goddamn lunatic. If there’s a member of the Trump administration who drinks his own pee to live longer, it’s this dude. More: New York Times

Note eight: It really is stunning to see what an out-of-control dumpster fire McConnell and John Roberts have turned the Supreme Court into. Also, it was Alito. More: CNN

Note nine: This morning CBS has Kellyanne on to plug her new book and kiss Trump’s ass. If you’re still watching CBS, you’re a Republican so what are you doing here?! NO LINK FUCK CBS

Note 10: The president is meeting with Fed Chair Powell today. They’re going to keep raising interest rates to fight inflation and probably start a recession in the process. Buckle up, y’all. More: Associated Press

Note 11: The president is also meeting with BTS today. And we’re pretend to not be some jealous assholes about it. More: NBC News

Note 12: One of Trump’s conspiracy lawyers who was never disbarred or faced any consequences for her role in a coup attempt is building a network of lawyers for her next coup attempt. More: New York Times

Note 13: Republican leadership still has not condemned replacement theory. They apparently think the Buffalo shooter was onto something. More: USA Today

Note 14: JD Vance wants to outlaw porn. Which is him announcing that he’s going celibate. More: Huff Post

Note 15: DOJ is going to review the cowardly gutless police response down in Texas. The good news for those cops is that Merrick Garland is going to wait outside for over an hour too. More: CNN

Note 16: That last one had some bite to it so here’s two hilarious pictures of Rudy Poopliani to laugh at.

And this one…

Note 17: And on that note, let’s get to the news section. It’s a short week so let’s make it count. We love you, Sexy Patriots, and we’re happy as hell to be back in the saddle with you.

Mourner-in-chief

Joe Biden spent the weekend doing what he does best — helping a dying nation grieve. Biden spent the weekend going down to Texas to meet with the families and school officials. He followed that up with a Memorial Day tribute and a visit to Beau’s grave (Monday was the anniversary of his death). We’re grateful to have such a compassionate and sober president to help us mourn. We’re just really fucking tired of having so much to mourn about. More: Texas Tribune, Reuters

More Merrick bashing

We really fucking can’t stand Merrick Garland. While we have tried like hell to not rush to conclusions about what a goddamn wimp he is, we have our suspicions. Those suspicions got some more fuel this weekend as the human glass of warm milk gave the graduation speech at Harvard and basically said “yeah somebody should do something about democracy.” Yeah, Merrick, that’s what we keep saying too. JFC. More: Washington Post, Axios

So jealous

While the U.S. makes excuses and coffins for children, Canada is actually making change. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced yesterday that parliament is taking up new gun control legislation that would outlaw the buying, selling and import of handguns in the country. And if that doesn’t make you want to start looking at real estate in Toronto, the fact that the legislation will almost definitely pass might. Any of our Canadian readers have some suggestions for cussing newsletters that might be looking to make a move? More: CNN

Today’s clips

The European Union has agreed on a partial ban on Russian oil imports, according to European Council chief Charles Michel. More: CNN

Representatives of a group of nations working together to investigate war crimes in Russia’s invasion of Ukraine are meeting in The Hague amid ongoing calls for those responsible for atrocities to be brought to justice. More: Huff Post

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