Today's Big Stuff 5.27.22

5.27.22

It’s Friday. There are 165 days until the midterm elections. The White House comes up with a very not good student loan plan, lawmakers go on vacation and Republicans are gonna ban doors.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. How the fuck could we not?

Note: Well goddamn, Sexy Patriots. Y’all already know. It’s been the week from hell. No, it’s been the week that the week from hell shit out. And it ain’t like this fucking weekend is setting up to be something out of a goddamn beer commercial. So we’re gonna offer a couple of suggested weekend options for the next couple days.

The first is to rage. Hit the streets. Join the marches. Interrupt a press conference. Make calls. Make a donation. Have a contest with your friends to see who can come up with the best posters making fun of Ted Cruz for being a pig-fucking piece of shit. Write a letter to the editor. Write just to write. Write to us. Scream at the sky. Scream at a street sign. March. Be loud. It might not feel like it, but this is still your fucking country. So let ‘em know. But please, if you’re gonna do this shit, please please please be careful. We love you, and we know how fucked up shit can get these days during protests.

The other suggestion is to non-rage and chill. Watch a movie, work in the garden, call an old friend from when you were younger, smoke a dumbtruck of weed, crochet us some cool ass new sweaters, learn to juggle, play with a dog, make a delicious sandwich, stare at the fucking wall, braid your ass hair and put fucking sunflowers in it, do anything other than contemplate just how royally fucked up shit is and will probably get. The world was crazy. Now it’s sitting in the corner eating its own poop. So if you can take this weekend and focus on yourself and your mental health, then do it and embrace it.

We really do love y’all. And if you’re at a loss right now, you’re not alone. But we’ve got each other. We’ve got cussin’. And we’ve got some ass hair to braid. See y’all next week!

Note two: We’re gonna take Memorial Day off because, well, the whole ass hair thing tells us we need a mental health day too.

Note three: Oh look, it’s the dumbest and most corrupt elephant ball sweat drinker in the Senate.

Note four: Lee Greenwood has pulled out of the Texas NRA convention. If only his mama had done the same. Hey-o! More: NBC News

Note five: We don’t want to get your or our hopes up, but the Fulton County DA is actually issuing some subpoenas. More: AJC

Note six: Trump’s EPA chief endangered people by telling his drivers to go really fast. And by poisoning the environment. More: New York Times

Note seven: We’re seriously pretty upset about that Ray Liotta news. From Sam — “My senior year of high school, I had two movies on VHS that I watched every night when I got home. One was Dazed and Confused, and the other was Goodfellas. That guy was so brilliant.” Think we just learned why Sam is the way he is. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note eight: Beto is planning to attend a protest outside Trump’s NRA speech. How the hell is he the only person who has figured out how to do this? More: NBC News

Note nine: Also, we’re really hoping that the surprise of the convention is when Trump sticks an AR-15 up his orange ass.

Note 10: This shit in Michigan is crazy. All the GOP frontrunners submitted forged signatures and can’t be on the ballot. We don’t know what’s more insane — that they thought they could get away with it or that they didn’t. More: CNN

Note 11: Fellow Star Wars nerds, we only saw one of the new Obi-Wan episodes last night, but it was freaking awesome.

Note 12: Twitter shareholders are suing Elon. How can someone have that much money and still be such a pathetic loser? More: CNBC

Note 13: Mark Meadows was burning documents in the White House? They have fucking burn bags. So he just really wanted to commit a crime? More: MSNBC

Note 14: Holy shit. A federal judge who believes in ethics. Why is this so rare? More: Reuters

Note 15: LOL. Trump and his ugly ass kids have to sit for depositions. Wait. Haven’t we reported this here like a million times? More: CNN

Note 16: We don’t even know what to say about those goddamn cops in Texas. They handcuffed the parents?!!! Thank goodness Merrick Garland is oh fucking nevermind. More: CNN

Note 17: A tiny sliver of good news from an utterly corrupt Supreme Court — Biden can keep fighting climate change. Well, as much as he has been. More: CNN

Note 18: Let’s close today with this. Something to make us all smile. It’s been a hard week, SPs. Please be good to yourselves.

Oof

It’s like the White House put their heads together and said “how can we come up with a student loan plan that pisses off everyone?” It looks like they’re going to forgive up to $10,000 and they’re going to means test it. So yeah, sorry Democratic base, but we’ve got white people in rural Pennsylvania who hate us to try and win over. More: CNN

Jet fumes

The Senate left Washington yesterday, and yeah that’s a bad fucking look. But don’t worry, y’all. Mitch McConnell has instructed John Cornyn to come up with a plan with Kyrsten fucking Sinema, and Chris Murphy is trying really hard (he really is; we don’t mean to make fun of him but he should know better than anyone that those assholes aren’t gonna deal on guns). We tend to believe Liz Warren and other Democrats who thought that McConnell just wanted a delay until the news cycle moved on. But that’s only because this isn’t our first day. More: Huff Post

The Doors

Republicans have really been getting creative as they look for reasons why we should blame anything but guns. But this door thing is especially stupid. It’s also, however, a great experiment. If you’re like us, you believe that a Republican talking point, no matter how stupid, will eventually find its way into the mainstream bloodstream because MSM reporters carry it there. So let’s watch the Sunday shows (no don’t) and see if this time next week we’re talking about single-door schools. More: Huff Post

Today’s clips

NO CLIPS HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

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