Today's Big Stuff 5.26.22

5.26.22

It’s Thursday. There are 166 days until the midterm elections. Trump wanted Pence hung, Biden takes action two years after George Floyd was murdered and cussing out everyone who got those kids in Texas killed.

Be advised: This newsletter uses dirty language to express its displeasure with cowards, killers and kiss-asses in politics. Fuck them all. May they rot in hell covered in shit.

Note: Sexy Patriots, we have written and deleted about a dozen opening notes today because the shit we really want to say about chickenshit scumbag politicians with kid blood on their dirty fucking hands would get us arrested. Most of them were about Ted Cruz.

Yeah, we’ve basically figured out that Cruz is actually a mass shooter with the vision to think big and become a U.S. Senator so he could enable other mass shooters. Did you see this sick craven motherfucker offering the genius solution that schools should only have one door?!

Why stop there, Cancun Craplick? Let’s go even further. We suggest something called the Cruz-hole. Yes, it’s just as gross and unpleasant as it sounds. Basically it looks like an oversized anus of a diseased hound from the depths of hell, and it smells like one too. All you have to do is throw away your self-respect and climb right in. Oh wait. That’s how you get into Mar-a-Lago.

But not everyone is going through the Cruz-hole. No, yesterday the world saw one man stand up.

Thank you, Beto. Maybe Washington Democrats will learn that we need more people standing up and fewer people getting on their knees.

You too, Sexy Patriots. Don’t ever stop. Every time we realize we’re so mad we’re about to fart blood out of our ears or so sad we want to cry blood farts, we remember that you exist and that you’re out there sad and angry and outraged and pissed off and doing something to change this awful fucking shit. When we need hope, we think of you. Thank you for that.

Note two: The blood farts thing was weird. Sorry. We’re just in a blood farty mood.

Note three: Did you listen to Skid Row back in the day? Well here’s Sebastian Bach making you as proud as you felt the first you heard Youth Gone Wild.

Note four: We just want to take a quick second to say FUCK YOU to every cheap boot-licking reporter out there trying to help Kellyanne sell books. We won’t be linking to any of that shit here.

Note five: Finally, a piece of good news. BTS is joining Joe Biden at the White House to talk about Asian representation and inclusion and the rise in hate crimes. What? We can cuss and like K-pop. More: CNN

Note six: This nation is a soulless shooting gallery. The Supreme Court is about to make it worse. More: CNN

Note seven: The Biden administration says it’s moving to make COVID drugs more available. What a novel idea. Because right now they’re not doing a damn thing. Seriously. Having COVID is when you find out just how shitty and inadequate the response is. More: CNN

Note eight: Washington is such a disaster it’s about to fuck up health coverage WHILE A PANDEMIC IS STILL HAPPENING. More: The Guardian

Note nine: Is anybody else as excited about the new Top Gun as we are? Sam has been wearing aviators since the first one came out while he was in fifth grade.

Note 10: Think the U.S. Senate can’t get any dumber? Put this stupid fuck in there and watch.

Note 11: And it’s not like the Senate doesn’t already have enough corrupt trashy morons.

Note 12: Oklahoma has now gone further in eliminating women’s rights than Texas. So fuck Oklahoma. More: CNN

Note 13: LOL. CNN is reporting that Trump might run with Elise Stefanik as his running mate. And honestly, that’s exactly the kind of cruel punishment we’d like to see them both go through. More: Daily Mail

Note 14: Three Trump judges are now blocking Congress from getting the RNC’s Jan. 6 fundraising records. Folks, we might not actually be a real country anymore. More: Washington Post

Note 15: Right-wing nutjobs immediately and falsely accused this trans person of being the Texas shooter. We hope and pray she sues them to hell and back. More: Huff Post

Note 16: Did you see the tweet yesterday from the state Rep. in Florida who said he would show President Biden how the second amendment works? Well it’s still up. Because whether Elon buys twitter or not, it’s a disgusting heartless greed company with the blood of innocent people on its hands. More: Miami Herald

Note 17: Colin Kaepernick is supposed to be getting a tryout with the Raiders this week. Hell yeah! Get it, man! More: ESPN

Note 18: This sick monster was like best friends with every Republican. Do we even have reporters anymore or is that just for Democrats? More: CNN

Note 19: We’re seeing a federal grand jury is looking into the slate of fake electors Team Trump was putting up. We expect nothing but weakness and caution from Merrick Garland’s Department of Kinda Justice. We’ll be more than happy to admit it if we’re wrong. More: Business Insider

Note 20: Ok, SPs, that’s a decent amount of cussing for a day that needs to be cussed. We hope y’all are holding up ok. You’re living through way more bullshit than any one person ought to, and we know you’re tough but please make sure you’re unplugging from time to time. Take care of yourselves. Love y’all.

It’s funny to us

Yeah, we’re laughing that Trump was mad that Secret Service moved Mike Pence and yeah we’re laughing because Trump apparently agreed with lunatics chanting “Hang Mike Pence.” We probably should be appalled or upset, but mostly we just say fuck these people. We would love nothing more than for them all to destroy each other. More: New York Times

EO

So yesterday marked two years since police murdered George Floyd, and Joe Biden signed an executive order to do some police reform. Because Tim Scott sabotaged real reform, this is probably the best we can do. And while we’re happy to see the president taking action, it’s not nearly enough. Especially when you read what those fuckers did (or didn’t) do in Texas. More: CBS News

Fuck them all

Republicans are making excuses and saying it’s not about guns. The fucking cops didn’t even go in the school for 45 fucking minutes. Are we the only ones who are just at our fucking wits end over this shit? All we see is cowardice and corruption and we’re fucking sick of both. Our kids deserve way better than the fucked up world we’re giving them. So who’s gonna step up? More: Yahoo News

Today’s clips

Here’s what it looks like when reporters actually ask scumbag politicians hard questions…

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