Today's Big Stuff 5.25.22

5.25.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 167 days until the midterm elections. Trump has another bad night in Georgia, don’t expect quick (or any) action on guns and even murderers think Putin is a scumbag.

Be advised: Today’s cussing comes from a place of intense rage. We’re sorry to say the spelling does too.

Note: FUUUUUUCCKKKK!!!!! Hi! Welcome to America! We’re the psycho shithole country that shoots babies in schools because our national soul is rotted and worm-infested with greed and toxic male sexual inadequacy. Have you died yet from something preventable in the year 2022? Well just wait a few minutes until some millionaire television Nazi radicalizes some loser scumbag to the point that he buys a machine gun from a vending machine and kills your innocent ass for absolutely no fucking reason. Greatest country on Earth, folks! FUUUUCKKKK!!! Thank god they banned all those fucking books, right?! Kids can’t learn Critical Race Theory if they’re dead, right?! FUUUUUCKKKK!!!

Seriously. What kind of buttcrack lint country lives like this?! We’re sorry, Sexy Patriots, but we just don’t have any jokes today. Just rage and sadness. And honestly the rage is winning. And maybe it’s about fucking time it did. We don’t know about y’all, but we are ready to see the fury of the Democratic Party. No more going high. No more talking about “my good friend across the aisle.” No more of that rotten fucking Washington club. We want to feel the anger. We need to feel the rage. We want to see it. And if they want our votes, they damn well better make us fucking believe it. Shit like this is a damn good start…

Thank you, Congressman! Americans are fucking furious. It’s time our leaders were too. There is a war being waged against innocent people in this country. It’s about goddamn time someone started fighting back. So Washington, show us your rage or get ready for us to show you the fucking door.

Note two: Hey, btw, these deranged bloodthirsty cousin-fuckers keep telling us they want to kill us. Maybe our people could start fuckin acting like it.

Note three: Matthew McConaughey put out a statement that didn’t mention guns one time. It’s like he’s already in office. More: CNN

Note four: This is just a random PSA — Texas is a shithole that hates kids, and kids aren’t safe there.

Note five: We’re still waiting to find out who won between Henry Cuellar and Jessica Cisneros. Cuellar is an NRA-backed anti-choice “Democrat” and the whole Democratic leadership campaigned for him. Seriously what the fuck are we doing? More: NPR

Note six: If you need to hear from a real leader, this superstar NBA coach is about all we could find this morning…

Note seven: That led to a great columny by Nancy Armour about how America needs more Steve Kerrs and not more Herschel Walkers. More: USA Today

Note eight: LOL. Trump is such a fucking loser. When he endorsed demented lunatic Mo Brooks, Brooks sank like a stone. When Trump cut him loose, he surged. More: NBC News

Note nine: Republicans are going after Hunter Biden. Jared meanwhile will continue to get a free pass. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 10: Congrats to Rep. Lucy McBath who won her primary last night. Rep. McBath knows the pain of gun violence more than most. She’s an important voice in Congress, and we wish her the best this fall. More: The Hill

Note 11: So we don’t put much stock in these court rulings since we have a corrupt and broken Supreme Court that fucks everything up, but no, insurrectionists should not be allowed to run for office. More: Washington Post

Note 12: George P. Bush lost last night. It’s mostly because he’s a loser who came from a loser daddy who only knows how to be a loser. That whole family can kiss our asses, but Trump beat us to it. More: CNN

Note 13: Oh look, we found a scumbag fucking criminal committing voting fraud. Wanna guess which party he’s in? More: Florida Politics

Note 14: The View had Kellyanne Conway on yesterday and when the crowd booed her, Whoopi admonished them. So go ahead and consider this the day we dropped out of the Whoopi fanclub. If that show is that desperate to kiss Republican ass, then it can do so without our viewership and without our respect.

Note 15: This feels like a good time to tell Joe Manchin to eat our shit. What kind of fucking asshole says he’d do anyting to stop gun violence but he won’t get rid of the filibuster? Fuck him. More: The Hill

Note 16: Well, SPs, we’re gonna go ahead and get to the news section. We’re guessing y’all are about as fed up and fucked up as we are. All we can say is hang in there. We have each other, and we know we’re on the good side because we’re not defending instruments of war used to kill children. We love y’all, and we’ll see you back here tomorrow to do some more cussing.

LOLoser

Trump loses in Georgia like it’s his fucking job. After making a huge deal about how he was going to take out Brian Kemp and Brad Raffensberger because they wouldn’t cheat for him, the orange assbreath lost both races. Badly. And so yeah David Perdue is a giant fucking loser again too. Like the man said in Spaceballs, “keep firing, assholes.” The bad news is that Herschel Walker did win, and we need to defeat him because he’s dumber than dog shit and dangerous as hell. More: CNN

No action; just excuses

Senate Democrats aren’t planning any votes on gun reform. They talked about it last night and then gave up. Dick Durbin, who is gutless and worthless, said they might try something after the Memorial Day recess. Yeah, their fucking vacations are more important. But that doesn’t matter. Schumer suggested today that Americans already know where everybody stands so we just have to win more in November. Inspiring isn’t it? More: CNN

Yikes

We’re gonna close with something fucked up today (unlike the rest of today’s newsletter). Remember the president of the Philippines? Remember how he made his whole schtick being the lunatic who just straight up murders people if he thinks they’re involved in drugs? Well even that sick mothefucker is calling out Putin. More: CBS News

Today’s clips

A majority of Americans -- 54% -- now say they disapprove of the job the Supreme Court is doing following the leak of the draft opinion showing the justices are poised to overturn Roe v. Wade, according to a new poll released Wednesday More: CNN

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