Today’s Big Stuff 4.15.22

Today’s Big Stuff 4.15.22

Happy Friday. There are 208 days until the midterm elections. Florida goes medieval, Republicans are afraid of debates and oh yeah Republicans tried to overturn an election.

Be advised: We use a lot of f-bambs and shitty spelling.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Y’all smell like hotness and freedom, and we are so here for it. As we head into the weekend, we wanted to talk about courage in the face of dumbfucks. Grace under firestarters, if you will. If you’re like us, you see the horrifying fascist laws being enacted in places like Florida and Kentucky and you think well fuck those shitholes I’m never even so much as driving through there again.

But if you’re like us (then you cuss a lot), you also remember that people like this exist…

Wow. “Gentlemen, I’m not afraid of you anymore because you’re going to lose. You may win this today, but you are going to lose.” Fucking-a right, bubba.

Look, we get that things look pretty goddamn bleak right now. We wish Rep. Mack had some allies with courage in Washington who were willing to fight for him. But goddamnit there are Sexy Patriots everywhere fighting for what’s right. And as long as they are, we’re gonna be standing beside them giving the finger to everyone who so much as looks at them funny.

The stakes are just too high to look away in disgust. It’s like watching a box of rats doing it. You know you should look away but you can’t. What? Why are you looking at us like that? It’s an expression! Yes it is! Ok fine. Agree to disagree. But the point is we can’t afford to lose this fight (that was the point of the rats thing?!). It’s our destiny to be in this moment. We were born into an era that has the potential to witness the death of the young American experiment. And we’re the gorgeous motherfuckers standing there and declaring it won’t happen on our watch.

We got your back, Rep. Mack. And we’re ready to put the lid back on that box of rats and throw that sonofabitch in the ocean.

Note two: We don’t have any good explanation for the rat thing so let’s just quickly move on.

Note three: If you didn’t see it yesterday, District Court Judge Reggie Walton, a Bush 43 appointee, read Trump to hell and back. More: ABC News

Note four: Biden is nominating a new Fed Vice Chair. We have to wait and see if Joe Manchin tanks this one too so he can then turn around and blame Biden for inflation. More: NY Times

Note five: Sabotaging the U.S. economy for politics seems like it should be illegal. Or at the very least something the White House should be willing to call out.

Note six: Sen. Feinstein says she’s not stepping down. We don’t really know what to say except this whole thing is sad as hell and the Democratic Party seems as self-destructive as Uncle Sam was when he was in his early 20s. More: SF Chronicle

Note seven: So yesterday we told you that Ukrainans had sunk the ship that shelled Snake Island. Then a few hours later we got confirmation. LOLOL. Y’all know we instantly made a million Texas Trump boater jokes. This guy had his own jokes.

Note eight: Russia is very angry we’re sending weapons to Ukraine. Fuck Russia’s feelings. More: Washington Post

Note nine: Shocker. A Trump-endorsed sleazebag has been accused of multiple cases of sexual assault in Nebraska. Even Republicans say this piece of shit isn’t fit to serve. So he’ll probably win in a landslide. More: The Hill

Note 10: Oh and this is how one of the women — a Republican — was forced to respond to one of her colleagues doubting her story.

Note 11: New Jersey is about to get cooler than a polar bear’s toenails (h/t Outkast). More: The Hill

Note 12: What Republicans are willing to do to fuck their own people out of representation is really pretty stunning. We can’t even get Schumer to call out McConnell for participating in a coup attempt. More: WBNS 10tv

Note 13: Just because you’re a Democrat, doesn’t automatically mean you’re a good person. We really wish this fucking monster was working for the other side. More: NPR

Note 14: Charlie Rose is back? Not in our world. Fuck that asshole.

Note 15: Trump is gonna endorse JD Vance. Man, that guy sure loves con-artists. More: NBC News

Note 16: Devin Nunes loses more than the Washington Generals. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Happy Jackie Robinson Day!

Note 18: Btw that new HBO doc on Tony Hawk is awesome. We’re also digging The Invisible Pilot, if you like mysteries and shit.

Note 19: We’re all still waiting to see if Twitter will let Elon finish off the world, and to be honest, we might have signed up for an account on CounterSocial last night. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

Note 20: Ok, you shockingly Sexy Patriots, it’s news time and then it’s weekend time. Hopefully by Monday you’ll have forgotten about that box of rats thing. We love y’all, and we hope you have a great weekend.

Florida, man

So yeah, the Sunshine State is really more of the Dick-tator State these days as Ron DeSantis and the GOP go full on fascism. Yesterday they outlawed abortion. They all know Roe is going down and when it does they want to be ready. We know what they are. But who are we? Are our people ready to fight back against this shit? More: Yahoo! News

Cowards

If you follow the trail of pee, you’ll find Republicans running away from debates because they are gutless chickenshits. Yeah, the RNC yesterday voted to bar its presidential nominee from participating in any debates hosted by the Presidential Debate Commission. Yeah, we’re wondering if there are any parts of America they do like and don’t want to destroy. If Democrats play this right, this could be big for us. More: CNN

What the fuck?!

So Sen. Mike Lee and Rep. Chip Roy were up to their eyeballs in the effort to overturn a presidential election. Lee was trying to get the alternate slate of electors set up and literally begging Mark Meadows for bullshit to claim as fraud. Seriously where the fuck is Chuck Schumer on this shit? We’ve got pretty ironclad evidence that elected Republicans were part of a coup attempt but these same fuckers were giving Judge Jackson shit?! More: CNN

Today’s clips

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