Today's Big Stuff 3.9.22

3.9.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 244 days until the midterm elections. The Republican war on Americans they don’t like goes from 10 to 11, a huge Jan. 6 conviction and a spending bill with a crapload to help Ukraine (as VP Harris heads to the region).

Be advised: Do you like typos? Then we have got the fucking newsletter for you. Oh and we cuss a lot to.

Note: Hey, GAY Sexy GAY Patriots! Do GAY not GAY adjust GAY your GAY phone GAY or GAY tablet GAY screens. There’s GAY nothing GAY wrong GAY with GAY TBS GAY today. Or GAY at GAY least GAY no GAY more GAY than GAY usual. No GAY we GAY were GAY just super GAY angry GAY about GAY this GAY hateful GAY bigoted GAY law GAY in GAY Florida, GAY and GAY we GAY were GAY trying GAY to GAY figure GAY out GAY how GAY to GAY respond.

At GAY first GAY we GAY thought GAY we’d GAY just GAY talk GAY a GAY lot GAY about GAY how GAY they GAY should GAY outlaw GAY the GAY words GAY GATOR GAY FUCKER GAY because GAY we’ve GAY heard GAY that GAY Ron GAY DeSantis GAY likes GAY to GAY fuck GAY dead GAY stuffed GAY alligators. Yeah GAY it’s GAY weird GAY as GAY hell GAY but GAY that’s GAY what GAY we GAY heard. Then GAY we GAY thought GAY we GAY would GAY create GAY a GAY list GAY of GAY profane GAY insults GAY for GAY Florida’s GAY LGBTQ GAY community GAY to GAY hurl GAY at GAY DeSantis GAY and GAY his GAY sick GAY fuck GAY friends GAY in GAY the GAY hate GAY legislature. But GAY it GAY turns GAY out GAY they’ve GAY got GAY that GAY shit GAY covered. Hell, GAY we GAY could GAY even GAY learn GAY a GAY thing GAY or GAY two.

Finally GAY we GAY decided GAY that GAY we GAY would GAY just GAY make GAY sure GAY to GAY say GAY GAY GAY every GAY other GAY word GAY in GAY this GAY opening GAY note GAY to GAY let GAY our GAY friends GAY and GAY enemies GAY in GAY Florida GAY and GAY around GAY the GAY world GAY know GAY that GAY we’re GAY with GAY them GAY and GAY we GAY would GAY happily GAY cuss GAY out GAY and GAY fart GAY on GAY any GAY scumbag GAY freak GAY politician GAY asshole GAY who GAY has GAY a GAY fucking GAY problem GAY with GAY it.

Note two: GAY!

Note three: How many GAYs did we misspell? Oh fuck it, don’t even tell us. DeSantis can’t spell it either.

Note four: Ok, now that we’ve addressed the Florida fuckheads, this note and the next one are gonna be good news. You ready? Ok, here’s a ray of hope for the future:

Note five: And here’s the second one. They were told to go fuck themselves, and apparently that’s just what they did. Or someone did it for them. Later, scum.

Note six: Were you worried one of those was gonne be about the loser piece of shit who got arrested in his Proud Boy Panties? Well here it is. Sorry, but if you can get past the gross that makes you want to take out and eat your own eyeballs, it’s pretty hilarious.

Note seven: Aaron Rogers is returning to Green Bay for another year. Yeah, a lot of people think he’s gonna repeat as MVP, but we don’t think he has a shot. Thank you very much. Don’t forget to tip your servers, and please try the veal.

Note eight: We’re not writing about Ron Johnson, Ted Cruz and their loser trucker friends. See, Beltway media? It can be done.

Note nine: Wisconsin Republicans signed another contract with the lunatic they hired to investigate the 2020 election. Trump is expecting the election to be decertified, which isn’t a thing. This is fucking nuts. More: Wisconsin Rapids Tribune

Note 10: Alito has always been a partisan hack. Nice that it’s finally out in the open. More: Huff Post

Note 11: John Eastman is a traitor and a plotter against the United States. We’re damn glad this judge sounds so skeptical because this is some straight up bullshit. More: CNN

Note 12: It really is infuriating watching Republicans attack Biden for high gas prices while also calling for a ban on oil imports. It’s almost like the people who tried to overthrow the government are fucking scumbags. More: NBC News

Note 13: Well who didn’t see this coming? Yeah, giant fucking spiders are gonna drop out of the air. Sorry, East Coast. More: Axios

Note 14: You know what’s the opposite of giant fucking spiders falling out of the sky? Yo-Yo Ma. More: NPR

Note 15: Hey check it out! Mike Pence isn’t just one of American history’s greatest cowards. He’s also a goddamn liar. More: Washington Post

Note 16: So we kinda can’t believe it, but it looks like Congress and Joe Biden are saving the post office. Now when do they kick DeJoy’s ass out on the street? More: Washington Post

Note 17: Saudi Arabia and UAE won’t return Biden’s calls? Fuck them then. No, seriously fuck them. We’ve been eager for the U.S. to tell them to fuck off for a long time now, and this seems like that’s what they want too. More: The Guardian

Note 18: Susan Collins met with Judge Jackson yesterday. You’re right to feel sorry for Judge Jackson. More: WABI.TV

Note 19: Let’s wrap up the notes section with some cool ass news. Y’all like shipwreck stories? Yeah, us too. More: CNN

Note 20: Ok, you super Sexy Patriots, let’s get to the news! We hope y’all are having a good week. Don’t worry too much about those spiders or Chernobyl or any of the other 5,000 goddamn nightmares we’ll probably hear about today. Just keep calm and stay sexy. Love y’all!

What the fuck?!

So in Missouri, they don’t just want to ban abortion, but they also want to prevent Missouri women from leaving the state to get an abortion. In Idaho, they want to make it a felony if you leave the state to help your trans kid. And in Texas, the government is investigating parents who have trans kids. So yeah, this is America now. And we have Taliban. More: Washington Post, Newsweek, Texas Tribune

Enjoy the clink!

A real piece of shit who attacked the United States on Jan. 6, 2021 was convicted on all counts yesterday by a jury that was in hurry to send a message. Guy Reffitt was carrying a gun when he attacked our Capitol. He wanted a trial. He got one. And now he’s looking at a possible 60 years in prison. You might remember this particular piece of shit as the one who threatened his son to keep quiet. This is a big win for DOJ. Bye, scumbag! More: CNN

Spending time

In the middle of the night, Democrats unveiled a $1.5 trillion spending bill. Among other things, it reauthorizes the Violence Against Women Act, it calls for a plaque on the front of the Capitol with the names of every officer who fought there on it, it creates $15.6 billion in spending on COVID and $13.6 billion for Ukraine. That last one is big and a larger number than we had heard this week. It comes as Vice President Harris is headed to Poland and Romania to meet with our allies and Ukrainian refugees. Godspeed, Madame Vice President. More: CNN, CNN II

Today’s clips

The city council of the southern Ukrainian city of Mariupol has posted video of a devastated maternity hospital in the city and accused Russian forces of dropping several bombs on it from the air. More: CNN

America's worker shortage is far from over: In January, the nation had a record 11.3 million jobs to fill and not enough workers to do so, according to new data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. More: CNN

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