Today's Big Stuff 3.30.22

3.30.22.

It’s Wednesday. There are 223 days until the midterm elections. Susan Collins wants a cookie for doing her job as GOP attacks on Judge Jackson backfire, more good economic news and Trump goes back to open collusion.

Be advised: We cuss and fuck up basic werds becasue we can’t spill for crepe.

Note: Sexy Patriots! It’s so great to be with you today. So this is a bit of a weird (long) one. Even for us. But believe it or not, we have an exclusive interview today with Cocaine the Drug. Yeah, Uncle Sam knows a guy who knows a guy, so Cocaine generously agreed to talk to TBS about all the weird shit that has been happening in Washington lately.

TBS: Cocaine! Thanks for joining us! (via zoom just to be clear)

Cocaine: No problem! How are you?! How’s your family?! You guys watch the Oscars?! Holy shit! What time is it?! You guys been outside today? Is it raining? I hate rain. One time it was raining and…

TBS: We don’t mean to interrupt you, but we better get on with the interview.

C: No problem! You know me. I’ll just talk and talk and did you guys see the new Batman?

TBS: Yeah it was cool. We wanted to ask you about these alleged orgies that you and Madison Cawthorn are getting invited to together.

C: That motherfucker said what?!

TBS: He said he has been invited by older Republicans to you-fueled sexy parties.

C: Well ain’t that some bullshit. These dirty mothefuckers need to stop throwing my name around. They are killing my fucking image.

TBS: You’re worried about your image?

C: Goddamn right. You seen a fucking video of Don Jr. lately? You think people think it’s cool to act like that? To look like that? Fuck no. I was enjoying a bit of a resurgence with everyone trying to recreate the 80s, but Junior’s deranged ass is keeping kids off drugs like Nancy Reagan didn’t.

TBS: You don’t think the image ship has sailed for you?

C: I’ve definitely taken some hits. But people were forgetting about Belushi and Bias and all the other beautiful lives I’ve taken. I could feel disco coming back. Greed is good again. And them Bam! Mad Dog Cawthorn, Venmo Gaetz, Junior. It’s not fucking fair.

TBS: Mad dog?

C: Yeah, it’s a nickname. You know he didn’t do this shit without me along for the ride.

TBS: Yikes.

C: You said it.

TBS: You seem pretty upset about it all.

C: Oh I do? Well you try watching a Gingrich-hosted orgy and tell me how you feel.

TBS: That sounds awful. We’re so sorry.

C: Thank you. It’s been pretty rough. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta get back to Mar-a-Lago. They’re probably tearing that place apart looking for me.

Note two: Ok that was really long. Speaking of coke-fueled freakshows, this probably needs a trigger warning…

Yeah, Son of Rudy is somehow scarier than the dude who slept with his cousin and crapped out of his face.

Note three: So we’ve always known that Zuck Suck and Facebook Metasuck were in bed with the Republican Party. But holy shit we didn’t realize just how much. More: Washington Post

Note four: If you’re looking for any movement from Democratic leadership on Ginni and Clarence Thomas, we have some disappointing news. Schumer finally came out with that weak ass he-should-recuse shit. What would midterm polls look like if Democratic voters thought their party was actually delivering on accountability or fighting for what they promised? The Hill

Note five: Biden is speaking with Zelensky today. Bet he doesn’t try to extort any political favors out of him.

Note six: Thank you to Eric Boehlert for calling out this bullshit. We didn’t hear the word gaffe for four fucking years while dipshit was talking about falling in love with Kim Jong fucking Un, but now we do?! Beltway media is a disaster. More: Press Run Media

Note seven: LOL. Liz Warren is trolling the shit out of billionaires today, and we fucking love it.

Note eight: But the crying loser rich guy can relax. Eternal shit-for-brains Joe Manchin already crapped on Biden’s plans to raise taxes on like a couple hundred super rich people. More: The Hill

Note nine: This is so weird. Trump’s social media site is biting the big one with new sign-ups dropping 93 percent. Who could’ve seen this coming except everybody? More: The Wrap

Note 10: Ron DeSantis keeps attacking Disney like he keeps attacking gay, Black and brown people. We hope Mickey kicks his ass. More: Deadline

Note 11: The Republican Jewish Coalition is backing Marjorie Taylor Gross’s opponent. How many questions will Republican leadership get about this? Yeah, we’re guessing around zero. More: Jewish Insider

Note 12: This is such great work by Fox Lite aka CBS. More: CBS News

Note 13: That’s pretty much the only thing we’re gonna recommend from that channel. Beyond that, we’re joining the CBS boycott. More: LA Times

Note 14: Alex Jones tried to pay off Sandy Hook families with $120,000 a piece. They told him to go fuck himself. More: Vice

Note 15: Rand Paul is doing favors for Russia. That sure seems like a big fucking news story to us. Have you heard about it before now? More: Bloomberg

Note 16: Apparently Jared Kushner is going to appear voluntarily before the Jan. 6 committee this week. We assume the NYT won’t be there to vouch for him. More: NBC News

Note 17: Kevin Kruse spotted this, and it’s freaking us out. Also, why would either of these scumbags think they’re owed a meeting with the president?

Note 18: President Biden made big history yesterday. He signed the Emmett Till anti-lynching bill into law. We want to celebrate this, but we’re having a hard time getting past the shock and shame of this taking decades to get done. More: CNN

Note 19: US officials believe Putin doesn’t have any idea what’s really going on. No wonder he and Trump are so kindred. More: CNN

Note 20: Ok, you gorgeous freedom fighters, to the news! We’re sorry we went so long today. That Cocaine just wouldn’t shut the hell up. If you see him — or Giuliani’s kid — we recommend you run in the other direction. Beyond that, have a great day! Love y’all!

Whatever, Susan

Susan Collins announced this morning that she will vote for Judge Jackson’s confirmation. Well holy shit. Thanks for taking a 10-second break from being the fucking worst. The larger picture is that it sure seems like the grotesque Republican attacks on the judge have backfired. Before the hearings, 59 percent of Americans supported her confirmation. After? That number is up to 66 percent. Nice job, Lindsey. More: CNN, USA Today

Back to work

While we keep hearing how bad of a job Joe Biden is doing on the economy, we keep seeing record-breaking economic accomplishments. Oh look. Just another half a million jobs added this month. Thanks, Brandon! Sure seems like a better story to tell than hey check out our Naz-loving insurrectionists who want to raise taxes on poor people. More: CNBC

Treason

So we mentioned it briefly yesterday and mercifully people took notice throughout the day, but yeah Trump is actually asking a fucking war criminal who is busy bombing kindergartens and threatening nuclear war for political help. And on Russian state TV, they’re saying they want their “partner” Trump back. So is every Republican getting asked about this? Of course not. The press seems eager to normalize this outrage once again. Maggie Haberman literally tweeted this morning that the request “doesn’t even cause a blip at this point.” Well it sure fucking does with us. More: NBC News

Today’s clips

The bond market just flashed a warning sign that has correctly predicted almost every recession over the past 60 years: an inversion of the US Treasury note yield curve.

An inverted yield curve is often seen as a signal that investors are more nervous about the immediate future than the longer term, spurring interest rates on short-term bonds to move higher than those paid on long-term bonds. More: CNN

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.