Today's Big Stuff 3.21.22

3.21.22

It’s Monday. There are 232 days until the midterm elections. Americans want Judge Jackson confirmed, Clarence Thomas is in the hospital and the president is going to Poland.

Be advised: We’re a little rusty, so the spelling might be good and the cussing might be bed. Well fuck.

Note: Sexy motherflipping Patriots! How the effing heck are you?! How in the hell did you get better looking in five days?! Well whatever you’re doing, it’s working. Us? Well we are feeling rested, recharged and ready to oh what the ever-loving fuck?! For weeks now, we’ve watched as the scum who tried to overthrow our government — the same scum who already packed the Supreme Court — told us that Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s SCOTUS hearings would be respectful. And we watched as gullible reporters believed and repeated that shit.

And now we got talking otter penis Josh Hawley going full on QAnon and Marsha Blackburn demanding that Judge Jackson overturn married couple’s rights to birth control.

Yikes. If you saw that lady behind the wheel of a car, you’d get off the road and scream for the neighborhood kids to do the same. So let us get out our crystal ball here and tell you how this is gonna go. First, Lindsey Graham will whine about how mean Democrats were to Brett Kavanaugh even though Kavanaugh is a credibly accused sexual assaulter who lost his temper so bad during his hearings that he had to apologize to Sen. Amy Kobuchar. Then, Republicans will spend all week making racist and plain fucking weird “soft on crime” attacks, blowing a dog whistle that only Beltway reporters can’t hear.

The press will say Republicans are raising questions when really Hawley will just be raising another fist as he leads another attack on decency and the constitution. And then, after they’ve made a mockery of the whole process and put Judge Jackson through an undeserved hell, she’ll still get in. Because those miserable fuckers can’t stop her. So let’s get to it. Bring on the freaks.

Note two: So we’re back, and we really appreciate y’all letting us take a few days off. We hate being away from y’all, but it’s vital that we recharge from time to time or else we start saying really stupid shit. Like this —

Note three: One of these days we’re gonna learn that if we skip the Sunday shows, our Mondays will be better. So who do you think is worse? Chuck Todd or Marge Brennan? We know your instinct is to probably say Todd, but don’t sleep on what a disaster Brennan is. More: Raw Story

Note four: We’re seeing courage in a lot of places right now. Most notably Ukraine. But there are brave ordinary people fighting for what’s right all over. Even in Kentucky. Where they apparently can’t play basketball for shit.

Note five: How are your brackets? Yeah, fuck that shit.

Note six: Speaking of Ukraine, we continue to see just horrible and unthinkable images and reports coming out of the country as Putin continues his bloody war. The good news, if you can call it that, is that military experts are saying the Russians have stalled out. It’s good news because goddamn Ukrainians are tough.

It’s bad news because the failures will likely lead Putin to double down on his destroy everything strategy. More: Washington Post

Note seven: The New York Times reports that Project Veritas got Ashley Biden’s diary from a Trump donor who passed it around at a fundraiser with Don Junior. Yeah, you know how we know Veritas is gross? They had a woman pretend to be a rape victim in order to clear Roy Moore’s name. And it really doesn’t get much grosser than that. More: New York Times, Business Insider

Note eight: So there were a shitload of shootings this weekend, and that shit just basically isn’t even news anymore. Quite a country we’ve got here. More: CNN, ABC News

Note nine: So we saw a story about how Melania likes Dr. Oz in the Senate primary and we were gonna show it to you and then we remembered that we don’t hate you. NO LINK

Note 10: Hold on to your hats, but that livestock medicine Joe Rogan told everyone to take doesn’t actually do anything against COVID. Yeah we’re shocked too. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 11: Picture Usain Bolt running backwards and you have a pretty good visual image of what America is doing right now. More: CNN

Note 12: RIP to Rep. Don Young. He was the dean of the House, and his death surprised a lot of people. More: ADN

Note 13: It’s pretty astonishing that voting by Democrats is just illegal in Texas now. More: New York Times, Star-Telegram

Note 14: Actually, Texas is doing a lot of fucked up shit. More: Houston Chronicle

Note 15: Wow. This is quite a story. We’re not even gonna say anything snarky. More: Associated Press

Note 16: Mo Brooks was part of the Jan. 6 attack and Trump is STILL thinking about cutting him loose. How does that get funnier? When Brooks decides to try and get back in Trump’s good graces by attacking McConnell. Popcorn please. More: Talking Points Memo

Note 17: The new Disney CEO is a real fucking dunce. More: CNN

Note 18: Thanks to John Harwood for writing up what a success Obamacare has been. More: CNN

Note 19: Glenn Youngkin continues to reveal himself as just another piece of Trump trash. More: Richmond.com

Note 20: Ok, SPs, it’s so damn great to be back with you. The time change and Republicans are really fucking with us, but we’re back and we’re loving it. We hope y’all had an awesome weekend, and we just know you’re gonna spend this week kicking ass and taking names.

2:1

That’s the margin by which Americans want Judge Jackson confirmed to the Supreme Court according to a new Monmouth poll. So can’t we just skip ahead to the confirmation and celebration of this amazing and historic pick? No? Ok fine let’s go through all the horrific and racist shit first. God this is gonna suck. We’re really hoping Senate Democrats are ready to be tougher than they usually are. More: Monmouth, ABC News

Get well?

We’ve been asking Clarence Thomas to get well for years. Now that he’s in the hospital, we’re rethinking it. Yeah, Thomas, the husband of a treanous nutjob, has been hospitalized with flu-like symptoms. We’re sure he’s fine. It’s not like flu-like symptoms are a big deal these days. Oh wait. Yeah, maybe fuckhead shouldn’t have been ruling against common sense public health measures. More: CNN

Let’s go

This week President Biden will travel to Brussels to reaffirm support for NATO in the face of grotesque Russian aggression. But what’s new is that now he will also go to Poland and meet with the president there. While we’re fucking furious seeing the shit in Ukraine that we’re seeing, we continue to be impressed by the way Biden has built and held a strong international coalition. More: CNN

Today’s clips

More than two dozen Senate Republicans are demanding that President Biden do more to aid war-torn Ukraine and arm its forces against Russia’s brutal assault, after voting last week against $13.6 billion in military and humanitarian assistance for Ukraine. More: Washington Post

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