Today's Big Stuff 2.28.22

2.28.22

It’s Monday. There are 253 days until the midterm elections. Republicans have another Nazi-love weekend, Bill Barr pretends to have seen the light and Biden and the world isolate Putin.

Be advised: We cuss and misspell shit. It’s just how we role.

Note: Wow, Sexy Patriots! That was fast! One minute it was the beginning of February, and now it’s the end. We haven’t seen something change that fast since Republicans suddenly decided Putin isn’t their lover-god-king-daddy. You know Matt Gaetz cried like a baby he wants to date when he took down those shirtless Pooty posters. It’s ok, Matt. They don’t allow posters in Shawshank anymore anyway.

It really has been something watching the urine-stained cowards of the GOP try to wipe the shit from their noses and try to sound tough on a Russian dictator ass they’ve been french smooching for years. And while we really want to spend some time rubbing their faces in it — and we will — we wanted to talk more today about actual tough people. What we’ve seen from Ukrainians for the past several days has just blown our minds, inspired us, brought us to tears and also, surprisingly, made us laugh.

Why laugh? Well, y’all have to know that TBS loves a resistance that involves so many fuck-yous, fuck-offs and go-fuck-yourselfs!

Ukrainians aren’t just all-time hall-of-fame badass motherfuckers. They’re also badass, hall-of-fame shit-talkers! And good god do we respect that shit. Hell, we’re fucking humbled by it. We had no idea what amateurs we are. Like Adam is Ukrainian and Sam is a fucking lunatic so we do ok, but goddamn these folks are next level.

As Wayne and Garth used to say, “we’re not worthy.” Now we know this isn’t a game or a joke or a movie. This is real shit, and it’s real scary. Some of the bravest people this world has ever known are fighting and dying for freedom, for the right to exist in their own country. We stand in awe of their courage and their resolve. And their amazing cussing.

So from all of us at TBS — Russian warship, go fuck yourself.

Note two: Oh and here’s some good-ish news…

Note three: Some of y’all have asked how you can help because you’re just all kinds of fucking awesome so here’s a link to an NPR story that has some places. The UN is estimating the war has already created more than 500,000 refugees, so this is gonna need to be a team effort. More: NPR, Associated Press

Note four: We’re handing this shit over to the lead singer of Twisted Sister because he said this way better than we can. And yeah, that’s a weird thing to say.

Note five: Tomorrow Texans will do something they’re not legally allowed to do anymore — vote. More: Huff Post

Note six: Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is scheduled to start meeting with senators this week as she gets a big endorsement from a Republican. Let’s fucking do this. More: NBC News, Axios

Note seven: Oof. This is some boneheaded shit. Wait. We mean racist. This is some racist shit. More: Washington Post

Note eight: Big trial of a Jan. 6 scumbag starts today. Pray for justice. And vengeance. Sweet, sweet vengeance. More: Buzzfeed News

Note nine: You know how Tom Cotton is a liar and a piece of shit? Well he’s also a straight up fucking coward. Yeah, Trump’s Arkansas asslick was asked four times if he would condemn Trump for praising Putin and he just couldn’t do it. Pathetic. More: ABC News

Note 10: If you didn’t see the SNL open Saturday night, we highly recommend it. Also, be ready to cry a little bit. More: NPR

Note 11: How do you write a story about George P. Bush without using words like gutless, chickenshit and loser? More: Washington Post

Note 12: Man, Rick Scott really fucked up. Like REALLY fucked up. More: The Hill

Note 13: In some cultures, they put Kirstie Alleys on ice flows and just gently push them out to sea. More: NJ.com

Note 14: You know shit is serious when Americans are giving up Russian vodka. More: The Guardian

Note 15: So the chairman of the Georgia GOP told the Jan. 6 committee that the Trump campaign directed the fake elector racket. Busted cold, fuckers. More: CNN

Note 16: It’s really pretty surprising that Fox hasn’t fired Jennifer Griffin yet for telling the truth. They have a strict policy against that shit, and their viewers heads are probably exploding. More: The Daily Beast

Note 17: Remember that lady who got six years in prison for wanting to vote? Well a judge has mercifully ordered a new trial for her. Still a lot of bullshit here, but that’s a welcome start. More: The Guardian

Note 18: Last week Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey said that having a white supremcaist like Wendy Rogers in the state legislature was still better than having a Democrat. Then Rogers spent the weekend spouting awful Nazi shit at Ukraine while defending Putin. Nice work, Douchey. More: AZ Central

Note 19: Need another reason to be freaked the fuck out? Well don’t forget the planet is quickly dying. More: Washington Post

Note 20: And on that happy note, let’s get our hot asses over to the news section. We hope y’all had a good weekend. We know shit was already fucked up and now it’s even more fucked up than we ever could’ve imagined. If it makes you feel any better, we think you’re doing a great job, and we love you. Keep calm and stay sexy.

Nazi weekend

Republicans are kinda sorta under fire after Marjorie Taylor Gross once again showed up at a white supremacist convention, cheering a crowd that had been cheering for Putin and his Hitlerian ways. She at first refused to talk about why she was hanging out with neoNazi trash, and then she put out a shitload of statements about how she won’t cancel the Nazi youth. She was of course welcomed at CPAC where they did their own Nazi salutes and heard from a twice-impeached loser traitor who said he’s running again and then lied about a bunch of shit. They’re all racist scum, and we hope they choke eating their own shit. The Guardian, The Guardian II

Oh fuck off

Bill Barr finally sees the real Trump now that Barr has a book coming out. Yeah, the man who covered up for Trump at every turn and convinced the mainstream media that Trump’s relationship with Russia and his criminal efforts to conceal that relationship was no big deal has a book coming out about what a bad guy Trump was and how Barr heroically stood up to him. Yeah, it’s all complete fucking bullshit, but Barr still got booked on lots of shows to sell his shit and we expect the beltway press to keep kissing his ass. More: Independent

War

Russia is bombing the shit out of civilians. It is fucking horrifying. Still, after days of bombardment, Kyiv still stands under Ukrainian control. God knows how much longer they can hold out, but the Ukrainian people have inspired and united the free world as few would’ve imagined possible. Things are going so badly for Putin that Germany is going military, Switzerland is saying fuck neutrality and we’re trying to find the Golden Girls episode about the horrors of nuclear war. Enormous credit goes to President Biden for this unified response to Russian terror. We don’t know what’s going to happen, but we are in awe of Ukraine and proud of our president. Also, fuck Russia and motherfuck Putin. More: CNN

Today’s clips

Russia was scrambling to prevent financial meltdown Monday as its economy was slammed by a broadside of crushing Western sanctions imposed over the weekend in response to the invasion of Ukraine. More: CNN

The Ukrainian leader's defiance has inspired and shamed the United States and the European Union into going far further -- and far faster -- in turning Russia into a pariah state than it appeared they were ready to go. By promising weapons and ammunition to Zelensky, 44, the West appears increasingly to be drawn into a possible proxy war with Moscow over Ukraine, even though it is not a NATO member that benefits from the bloc's direct mutual defense agreements. More: CNN

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