Today's Big Stuff 2.24.22

2.24.22

It’s Thursday. There are 257 days until the midterm elections. Wondering if Ivanka is playing the Jan. 6 committee, wondering what the eff happened in the Manhattan DA’s office and Russia invades Ukraine after successfully taking the Republican Party.

Be advised. The shik has hit the fan. Also we cuss a lot and have a lot of typos. But seriously, there is A LOT of cussing today.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, shit is getting ugly. That doesn’t seem accurate. Shit was ugly and now it’s just straight up fucking gross. Yeah the worst person in the world who shockingly isn’t Donald Trump has decided to drop a porta-potty in the middle of the world pond, and instead of ripples, we’re getting waves of shit and blue stuff that smells weird. And yeah, it sucks whole hog ass, and if you’re scared or anxious or freaked the fuck out, well, that’s a pretty normal way to be feeling right about now.

But… and this is the most important but since the legendary knight Sir Mix-a-Lot told us we should pay attention to buts… we ain’t the type to sulk. No, we cuss and we throw things instead. And since we broke all our throwin’ shit when orange anushead was in office, we’re gonna focus on the cussin’. So with your permission and blessing, we’d like to do an old fashioned TBS cuss out.

(Deep breath)

Fuck Putin. Fuck him with Trump. Fuck him with Trump’s ugly ass kids. Fuck him with Ted Cruz’s ugly ass everything. Fuck him with a submarine, fuck him with an oil tanker and fuck him with a rowboat. Fuck him with Tucker Carlson’s penile implants and white visor (the full hood fucks up his hair). Fuck him with Mike Pompeo’s giant head and tiny, um, brain. Fuck him with the whole cast of Herman’s Head. Fuck him with fake trees and fuck him with real ones. Fuck him with the word fuck, and fuck him with the word shit. Fuck him with shoelaces and velcro and fuck him with flip-flops and casual loafers. Fuck him with glasses and monocles. Fuck him with a firehose and a garden hose. Anything we forgot? Oh yeah, he can eat all the shit too. Fuck that fucking fuck.

Phew. Thanks for indulging us. We needed that. Because once again the goddamn globe is on fire. So let’s do what we did in 2020 — resist, cuss, mock, donate, organize, win and save the whole fucking world.

If we can be serious for a moment, we don’t know what comes next. The images and reports we’re seeing are breaking our hearts into millions of tiny pieces. But we know we’ll get through it the way we get through everything — cussing, laughing and together. We love y’all. Keep your heads up.

Note two: We know it’s weird for us to do a full newsletter with everything that’s going on, but sometimes you gotta keep going no matter how much shit is falling on your head.

Note three: Marco Rubio says he’s boycotting the State of the Union. Makes us wonder why we’re even having it. LOL. What a liddle loser.

Note four: Colin Kapernick walks the walk like his last name was Walker. Don’t look at us like that. They’re not all gold. More: ESPN

Note five: What is happening in Texas is as crazy as what’s happening anywhere in the world. Is that a crazy thing to say? They’re basically covering up a deadly scandal by attacking trans kids while also outlawing abortion and voting. That’s not even an exaggeration. More: NBC News, Houston Chronicle

Note six: Is this a confession? Never change, Rudy. Actually, no. Change. Change everything. More: Twitter

Note seven: Madison Cawthorn is sweating like trees learned to punch back. More: Raw Story

Note eight: Hey Democrats who are running for office — keep your side of the street clean because we don’t have time for this fucking shit. More: NBC News

Note nine: Holy shit some good news. Courts rejected Republican maps in two states yesterday. More: Reuters

Note 10: Do we have to pretend like these loser trucker d-bags are serious people? No, no we don’t. We’re not the New York Times.

Note 11: Sigh. We aim to stay optimistic, but as long as Louis goddamn De goddamn Joy is at work and apparently winning, it can be pretty fucking hard to see how we’re gonna prevail over much bigger and smellier fish. More: Mother Jones

Note 12: Rick Scott stepped in it. He stepped in it bad. And we ain’t letting him walk away. So just sit there and stink, Ricky. More: CBS News

Note 13: LOL. Herman’s Head. Remember that show? No idea why we thought of that.

Note 14: There’s a report this morning that Manchin wants Biden to nominate Michelle Childs. So help us god if Biden gives this pick to Manchin and Lindsey Graham you’ll see us registering as independents. Enough fucking surrender. NO LINK

Note 15: Marjorie Taylor Green went on Alex Jones’s show yesterday and said trans people should be beat “into the ground.” Maybe it’s time the press stopped treating this monster as some kind of fun novelty act at the carnival and more like a dangerous threat to Americans. More: Media Matters

Note 16: George W. Bush put out a statement on Ukraine. So he can speak up but just chooses not to as Texas embraces the American Taliban. Fuck off, Dubya. More: NY Daily News

Note 17: Ohio’s Supreme Court is thinking about holding the state’s redistricting commission in contempt of court. Have to admit we’re popping popcorn for this shit. More: Dispatch.com

Note: Ok, SPs, let’s do it to it and skedaddle on over to the news section. We know how you’re feeling. We’re feeling it too. But we got this. We do. Even if it’s hard to imagine right now. Love y’all.

Ivankalot of bullshit

So word got out yesterday that Ivanka is in voluntary discussions with the Jan. 6 committee about voluntarily talking with them. If the repeated use of the word voluntary makes that shit seem weird to you, well it it did for us too. Because we’re not Beltway media, we haven’t forgotten that Ivanka called the terrorists “patriots” that day. And we’re not gonna fucking forget it either. Do your thing, Jan. 6 committee, but don’t trust that trash for a goddamn minute. More: CNN

AYFKU?!

So you know how one of the cases against Trump was in the Manhattan DA’s office and how Cy Vance should’ve gone after his ass years ago? Well it ain’t happening. Two of the prosecutors on the case abruptly resigned yesterday and yeah it’s fair to wonder if anything is ever gonna happen to the biggest criminal in American history. The good news is that Tish James is still on the case. And don’t forget Fani Willis is still on the case. And Merrick Garland is probably a real person who exists. So yeah basically we’re once again hoping Black women will save our asses and our souls. More: Axios

Absolutely nothin’

That’s what war is good for. Like the song says. But here we are anyway. As you know by now, Russia launched a bloody deadly invasion of Ukraine last night. Children and their parents are sheltering in metro stations as bombs fall. They fought back and are claiming to have killed 100 Russian troops. But the world is different today, and we can’t put it back together. And of course Trump spent the night at Mar-a-Lago cheering on his “genius” dick-tator buddy. President Biden is scheduled to address the nation today as he takes his sweet ass time responding to the horrors the world is watching. Seriously. What is the fucking hold up here? They played this so smartly until the bombs started falling and then just fucking went quiet. We need better. We need strength. And we need to pray and send every positive vibe we’ve got to the people of Ukraine. More: CNN

Today’s clips

Yet when the Republican-controlled legislature redrew the state’s congressional map to account for those population changes, the contorted shapes around the area resulted in no new majority-Latino district. Early voting is underway in the state’s midterm primary ahead of Election Day on March 1. García is not on the ballot. More: Washington Post

While coronavirus shots still provided protection during the omicron wave, the shield of coverage they offered was weaker than during other surges, according to new data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The change resulted in much higher rates of infection, hospitalization and death for fully vaccinated adults and even for people who had received boosters. More: Washington Post

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