Today's Big Stuff 2.2.22

2.2.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 279 days until the midterm elections. Senate Democrats go down a member, Biden sends troops closer to Ukraine and yes the Supreme Court is broken as hell. 

Be advised: This is a cussin’ newsletter and we don’t fuckin’ spell to gud neither. 

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots. Anybody else a little freaked out by that date? Last time we saw that many number twos in the same place, we were at Mar-a-Lago. Hey-yo! We’re just kidding. We would never fucking go to Mar-a-Lago. Y’all doing ok today? Got the Hump Day blues? Well maybe we can help a little. Sorry. Maybe we can help a fucking little.

Yesterday Mitch McConnell appeared a bit stumped when asked how many Black women work in his Senate office. He responded that he doesn’t have a “racial quota.” How nice for him. McConnell and other Republicans seem very offended at the suggestion that they are racist pieces of shit. So we thought we’d help them out. Below is a quiz we came up with called “Am I a Racist Piece of Shit Politician?” McConnell’s not real answers are included. Let’s begin, shall we? 

TBS: Have you or any member of your party ever tried to throw out thousands of valid Black votes?

MM: How did you get in here? (turtle noises) 

TBS: Have you or any member of your party served as chief obstructionist to the nation’s first Black president even going as far as to deny him a Supreme Court appointment?

MM: I think that was somebody else. You want Mitch McConnnum. Happens all the time. 

TBS: Have you or any member of your party ever changed laws to make it harder for Black people to vote?

MM: I might actually be the devil. Do you smell that? Smells like sulfur, right? 

TBS: Have you ever prevented a woman from reading the words of Coretta Scott King on the Senate floor?

MM: Oh shit I forgot about that one. God I’m the worst. 

TBS: Have you or anyone in your party ever supported or enabled or covered up for Donald Trump?

MM: Fuck. Welp, you got me. I’m a racist piece of shit politician. 

Hey it worked! Well now you know. But we’re guessing you already did. 

Note two: Major props to journalist Pablo Manriquez with the Latino Rebels for asking Mitch about his hiring practices. He also asked the question last month that resulted in McConnell telling us he doesn’t think African-Americans are Americans. Throw them a follow if you’re on twitter @PabloReports and @latinorebels. 

Note three: Why are you looking at us like that? We sometimes say nice things about reporters too. Yeah we do. Ok fine. We’ll just agree to disagree. We still think you’re sexy as all hell. 

Note four: LOLOL. Oh lord. Need a laugh? Lindsey Graham has done everything but cut off his own tiny genitals and presented them to Trump as tribute. And now he might have to do that too. Because Lindsey said it would be “inappropriate” to pardon the Jan. 6 terrorists, Trump went on Newsmax and called him a RINO. Just kiss that ass a little harder, Lindsey, and it’ll all probably work out for you. What a fucking loser. More: The Daily Beast

Note five: Well someone finally paid a price for saying something stupid and of course it was a Black woman. Look, what Whoopi said was dumb, but she apologized and and she made Sister Act. We’re kidding. It’s obviously a damn serious subject, and we were disappointed but we love us some Whoopi and nobody is doing shit to the Fox assholes who have killed hundreds of thousands of Americans. More: CNN

Note six: Well it’s Groundhog Day, and that miserable little rat saw its fucking shadow. One of the few perks of global warming is gonna be the day that furry little fucker burst into flames. Sorry. We’re just really sick of winter. More: Washington Post

Note seven: President Biden is relaunching the cancer moonshot today. We know how personal this is to him, and it means a lot to us too. More: NBC News

Note eight: Washington’s NFL team has a new name. And we couldn’t care less. We want to hear more about the league’s racist hiring policies. More: Axios, Rolling Stone

Note nine: Good luck to our friend Alex Vindman as he sues the Trump posse. He stood up for this country, and they done him wrong. More: USA Today

Note 10: Also, we are so proud of our friend Mary Trump for removing her podcast from Spotify. What a certified badass. More: The Hill

Note 11: We need to be talking more about the bomb threats against HBCUs. This is some truly terrifying shit. Both that it’s happening and that the mainstream media doesn’t seem to care are upsetting reflections of where we are as a country right now. More: The Grio, Washington Post

Note 12: A couple of good news fundraising nuggets. We’re doing pretty well in important Senate races, and Trump’s favorite candidates aren’t doing that great. More: Bloomberg, Vice

Note 13: So this probably should have gone in the news section, but it sure as fuck looks like Trump bribed Mark Meadows to keep his mouth shut after Jan. 6. The craziest part? That cheap fuck sold out for $1 million. More: NBC News

Note 14: Yesterday Joe Manchin declared the Build Back Better plan “dead.” What a fucking asshole. More: Rolling Stone

Note 15: Other Democrats say it’s only “somewhat dead.” More: Huff Post

Note 16: Kyrsten Sinema was seen on CSPAN complaining to Schumer about how long it takes to vote in the Senate. REALLY?!!!! More: The Guardian

Note 17: Who’s the bigger disaster? Matt Gaetz or Madison Cawthorn? More: News Observer, The Daily Beast

Note 18: It’s kind of adorable to watch NYT reporters slowly figure out that their sugar daddy Trump did in fact try to overthrow the government. More: New York Times

Note 19: Just a heads up from the White House that Friday’s jobs report might look all fucked up. More: Yahoo Finance

Note 20: So as we were putting the finishing touches on today’s TBS, we learned that CNN’s Jeff Zucker shocked CNN by announcing he is suddenly resigning. We say he helped us get Trump. So we say good riddance, shitstain.

Note 21: Ok, on that note, let’s shake our tail feathers on over to the news section. We love you, Sexy Patriots, and we hope you’re having a great week. 

Yikes!

Sen. Ben Ray Lujan (New Mexico) suffered a stroke and as a result our Senate majority isn’t a majority anymore Yeah, it’s scary as fuck. He’s expected to make a full recovery thank goodness, but until he’s back, there’s just some shit we can’t pass. So maybe we should be moving a little faster on our SCOTUS nominee. More: CNN

No puppet

The Pentagon announced this morning that President Biden has approved sending an additional 3,000 troops closer to Ukraine as Russia continues to debate an invasion. Putin might invade, but Biden has sent one show of strength after another and that’s what we wanted in a president. And if Putin does go in, it’s gonna hurt him and it’s gonna hurt Russia. Oh and as this is happening, insurrectionist Josh Hawley is calling for us to give in to Russia’s demands. Seems like par for that treasonous course. More: CNBC, Axios

So gross

Neil Gorsuch, of the not at all politicized Supreme Court, is giving a speech to the Federalist Society. It is closed to the press. Mike Pence, Ron DeSantis and Kayleigh McAbullshit will also be there. But please, Republicans, lecture us more on picking a Black woman for the court. What a fucking joke. More: The Daily Beast

Today’s clips

Total public debt outstanding is now above $30 trillion, according to Treasury Department data published Tuesday. More: CNN

New York Attorney General Letitia James (D) subpoenaed the General Services Administration for information about how the agency selected former president Donald Trump’s business to lease the historic post office where he developed his D.C. hotel, according to two people familiar with the request. More: Washington Post

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