Today's Big Stuff 2.16.22

February 16, 2022

2.16.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 265 days until the midterm elections. A victory against guns, Biden says to turn over Trump docs and the Senate can’t get it together to oppose Russia.

Be advised: We fixed the spelling issues but we’re still cussing like some motherfuckerp.

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots. How y’all livin’ today? That’s what we like to hear. Us? Oh we’re doing what we do — cussing and making fun of assholes to try and make ourselves laugh while the world around us melts like a full diaper on a hot summer sidewalk. Today the asshole we’re making fun of is a special asshole. He might even be the biggest asshole on the planet. And here’s the crazy part — you ready? — he’s not orange.

We’re talking of course about Vlad “Pantload of” Putin. Seriously, what an asshole. Like can you imagine going down in history as the guy who came along when the world was already doubled over and kicked it in the nuts just to be a dick?! Fuck you, man. No seriously, just fuck you. We’re learning to live with a goddamn pandemic. The planet is dying. It’s snowing in Pasadena, you fucking asshole! And you’re gonna go and pull this shit now?! Well fuck that and fuck you, Vlad. What. An. Asshole.

And speaking of assholes, well, we gotta apologize for some of ours. Yeah, WaPo tells us that a bunch of Americans “from Beverly Hills to Austin, Texas to Florida” sent millions of bucks to those bridge-blocking d-bags up North. Not to mention that dude who keeps getting caught with his pants down in the candy aisle.

Abbreviation for Shaking Our Motherfucking Heads. He looks like he’s taking a shit for the first time in his life and he’s completely confused by what’s happening. We know this is ridiculous, but if tyranny is the only thing on the menu, then put us down for Canadian tyranny. Canada, we’re sorry. We don’t like these assholes either. But we still feel bad we got our awful fucking crazy asshole in your awful fucking crazy asshole.

And that is TBS does foreign affairs. Maybe we should start a new newsletter called “Around the Fucking World with TBS.” Or maybe not. More: Washington Post

Note two: Phew. Even for us that was a lot of cussing.

Note three: So good news. You know that goddamn mug that gutless traitor Josh Hawley is selling? Well he says it’s not a “pro-riot mug.” We don’t know about y’all, but we feel much better now. More: Huff Post

Note four: Holy shit do we love Bloom County. Sam even almost got a tattoo of Bill the Cat once. We just wish they were doing this with a different company. More: Variety

Note five: If you’re old enough to remember the pandemic of the 80s and 90s, if you’re old enough to remember the Ryan White story, then this story will blow your mind. More: NBC News

Note six: If you really want to take livestock medicine instead of FDA-approved vaccines, then you can go to South Dakota — The Dumbfuck State. More: Keloland.com

Note seven: HuffPo’s Jen Bendery lays out why Biden would be foolish to pick a centrist for SCOTUS. We couldn’t agree more. If he makes his pick to make Lindsey fucking Graham happy, then we’re registering as independents. More: Huff Post

Note eight: Reasonable people can disagree on who that pick should be, but we’re kinda hoping Biden has Ketanji Brown Jackson’s name written on a post-it like Costner did in Draft Day. More: NPR

Note nine: Wow that was an obscure reference. Did anyone even see that movie?

Note 10: P.J. O’Rourke died. We understand if that makes you sad. We also understand if it doesn’t. More: New York Times

Note 11: The answer to this headline is yes. And it speaks to the eternal weakness of our party that we’re just taking it like some chumps. More: Mother Jones

Note 12: Y’all know we have a rule around here that we always read what Garrett Graff has to say. So we can’t wait to get our hands on his new book about Watergate. More: Axios

Note 13: How much of a miserable fucking scumbag piece of shit do you have to be to side with the miserable fucking scumbag pieces of shit who keep disrupting flights and making filght attendants’ lives hell? Well, apparently there are eight such people in the Republican Senate caucus. You can always count on these fuckers to stand up for the drunken domestic terrorist screaming racial slurs. More: MSN

Note 14: It’s pretty crazy to think we’re watching an existential foot race to see if democracy dies before the planet does. If teevee wasn’t so good right now, we’d be inconsolable. More: KXAN

Note 15: The Jan. 6 committee sent subpoenas to some of the crazies who signed on as Trump’s fake electors. And these are some of the craziest crazies. So expect them to be totally normal in their response. More: New York Times

Note 16: How crooked are Republicans in the Utah state Senate? Apparently crooked enough that they don’t want the people seeing what they’re doing. Fucking cowards. More: Deseret.com

Note 17: Republicans are so concerned about inflation that they’re doing absolutely nothing about it. Joe Manchin, come get your people. More: Reuters

Note 18: Oh and retail sales surged 3.8 percent last month. Looks like an economy that’s doing pretty fucking great to us. More: CNBC

Note 19: WaPo is really all over the place lately, but this is a good look at some of the texts that were flying back and forth between the Hill and the White House on Jan. 6. More: Washington Post

Note 20: Huge congrats to our friend Katie Phang who will be hosting MSNBC on weekends and on streaming. Woohoo! More: Deadline

Note 21: Ok, SPs, let us to the news. We hope this week is treating you well. And if it ain’t, just shoot us a note and we’ll come kick its ass. Love y’all!

Hell yes

They said the gun companies were untouchable. Some determined families who lost loved ones in the Sandy Hook massacre said bullshit. And yesterday those families settled with Remington for $73 million. This is a powerful crack in an evil dam, y’all. Let’s just hope it’s the start of a new beginning. More: CNN

Turn ‘em over

Joe Biden has ordered the National Archives to turn over Trump’s White House visitor logs from on and around Jan. 6 as the new president sent another well-deserved fuck you to the last one. Biden’s reasoning is that his White House discloses visitor logs so why shouldn’t the last one? Makes sense to us. More: CNN

Unreal

With 150,000 troops encircling Ukraine and Belarus, the United States Senate sent a message to Russia and the world — we’re broken as fuck and can’t do anything. Yeah, despite weeks of bipartisan efforts, the Senate has failed to agree on a sanctions package to punish Russia if they invade. So instead they did a joint fucking statement from Schumer and McConnell. What an absolute joke. More: USA Today

Today’s clips

Voters in San Francisco opted overwhelmingly to recall three school board members from their positions Tuesday, fueled by dissatisfaction over what San Franciscans saw as the board’s focus on issues of social justice at the expense of reopening schools.

Prince Andrew and Virginia Giuffre have reached an out-of-court settlement in her sexual abuse lawsuit against him, according to a court document filed by her attorneys Tuesday.

More: CNN

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