Today's Big Stuff 2.14.22

2.14.22

It’s Monday. There are 267 days until the midterm elections. Trump’s trade war was dumb, Rudy is (kinda sorta) talking to the Jan. 6 committee and Biden commemorates a terrible anniversary. 

Be advised: We cuss a lot, we misspell a lot and we’re moving pretty goddamn slew today. 

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re sorry we’re draggin’ ass today. But let’s be honest — the day after the Super Bowl should be a holiday. It’s like the thing we’re best at. If our national priorities are gonna be this totally fucked and entertaining, then we should just say fuck it and indugle it all the way. Right? Anyway, that’s not what we wanted to talk about on this special day and we’re sorry to kick things off like that. 

We wanted to ask…um…well we thought we might… you know…. well, gosh, Sexy Patriots, will you be our Valentines? What can we say? We love the way you love this country. We love the way you love democracy. We love the way you love everybody. We love the way you love everybody except for super creepy super creeps from the right. Like seriously what the effing fuck is wrong with these people? 

And what the hell did sexual anarchy ever do to this asshole? We had some for breakfast, and it was fantastic. Clears up your sinuses, good for the ticker and the brain. Seriously bro get out of the Footloose town and join us in the cool world. We’re talking about crepes right? What were you talking about? Oh gosh. Well anyway, we just think your super duper sexypatriotic and we wanted to give you a little candy heart that said “Be fucking ours please,” but they don’t make candy hearts that say that shit so we just wrote a cussing newsletter instead. We hope you like it. Happy Valentine’s Day. 

Note two: Don’t sweat it if you’re alone today because Sam is too.

Note three: What the fuck, man? That seemed really unnecessary. But yeah it’s true and there’s not a goddamn thing wrong with it.

Note four: My bad. I didn’t mean anything by it.

Note five: Oh bullshit. Anyway, let’s just get to the news. 

Note six: How freaking awesome was that game? And how about that halftime show? That second question was a racism test, and y’all passed. 

Note seven: Isn’t this newsletter supposed to be about politics? How about we start off the week with some good news?

Note eight: We see that Gov. Youngkin hasn’t gotten any smarter. God this shit is painful to watch. More: Associated Press

Note nine: It really is hard to remember a time when we thought Mueller was a tough guy who was gonna defend the rule of law. More: Buzzfeed News

Note 10: The NYT has an ass-kissing McConnell story today about how Mitch is beating back the crazies. We’re not gonna link to it, but here’s Larry Hogan saying the same shit. Spoiler — it’s Trump’s party now and there’s now going back. More: The Daily Beast

Note 11: As you read the Mitch-isn’t-like-Trump pieces, please remember who and what he has endorsed in Georgia. More: Associated Press

Note 12: If your party is seeking out the endorsement of the Jewish Space Lasers Gazpacho lady, then your party is trash and cannot be saved. More: The Daily Best

Note 13: In the mood for a great read? More: Washington Post

Note 14: Belichick went to kiss Trump’s ring, and Trump called him a chicken. So much for that tough guy image. More: The Hill

Note 15: Good for Eminem. More: CNN

Note 16: This link comes with a warning. WARNING — Reading this shit might make you throw something at the wall. More: Associated Press

Note 17: LOLOL. Melania is being investigated for some bullshit charity shit. Sounds about right. More: Salon

Note 18: Glad to see the president call out the NFL’s shitty racist hiring practices. More: NBC News

Note 19: It’s a good time to remember that abortion is now basically illegal in Texas. More: Washington Post

Note 20: If Biden can end a war and stop one from ever happening, it will be hard to deny him a peace prize, right? More: Washington Post

Note 21: Ok, SP valentines, let’s get our hot asses to the news. We hope y’all have an awesome day, and we’ll see you back here tomorrow. Love y’all!

Oops

Remember Trump’s trade war against China? Well you’ll be shocked to learn it was stupid and didn’t win us anything. The WaPo editorial board has the facts and lays out how much of a “flop” Trump’s misguided war was. More: Washington Post

Oh Rudy

The cousin-fucking face-shitter is apparently in talks with the Jan. 6 committee about whether he’ll talk. We think it’s all a ruse for him to try and pressure Trump to pay his legal bills, but we like the idea that it’s making both of these fucking assholes sweat more than usual. More: CNN

Parkland

It’s hard to believe it has been four years since that terrible day. It’s even harder to believe we haven’t done jack shit to stop it from happening again and again and again. Today the president of the United States remembered that awful shooting and called for Congress to pass some gun safety measures. It probably won’t happen. More: CBS News

Today’s clips

Black activists and women’s groups that banded together to protect Kamala D. Harris from racist and sexist attacks before and after the 2020 election are remobilizing for the battle over President Biden’s upcoming Supreme Court nomination, concerned that the president’s pledge to pick a Black woman has sparked racially charged challenges that are already impacting potential candidates. More: Washington Post

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