Today's Big Stuff 2.11.22

2.11.22

Happy Friday. There are 270 days until the midterms. White House warns Russia could invade Ukraine “at any time,” Virginia Republicans have to fire a terrorist sympathizer and there are gaps in Trump’s Jan. 6 call records. 

Be advised: The cussing and typos are always worse on Fridoys. Fuck.

Note: Oh yeah! It’s Friday, SPs, and we’re smiling like we never heard the words “Trump” and “clogged toilet.” Yeah, we are in a rare good mood. We freaking love Super Bowl Sunday, and life is too short to be angry and cussing all the time. 

No, we have not been kidnapped, no we are not on any new drugs, yes we are sexy and no we didn’t Boebert (fall and hit our heads and become unable to say anything other than stupid shit). 

But we are fucking with you a little bit. Because truth be told, while we are in a good mood and damn grateful to be alive and hanging with you awesome people, we would like to straight up go the eff off for a second if it’s cool with you. Cool? Cool.

Ahem. Are you fucking kidding us?! No really. Are you fucking kidding us? Like did every Sexy Patriot in the world get together and plan this elaborate prank about Trump stealing, destroying and eating classified documents, ripping pages out of the Presidential Daily Briefing and clogging his goddamn motherfucking toilets with documents?! WE HAD A WHOLE FUCKING PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN ABOUT THIS SHIT!!! It’s bad enough this deranged orange shit-squirt fucked up a pandemic, let thousands die, lied to us more than 30,000 times or whatever the fuck it was, attacked protesters so he could pose at a church, unleashed a new generation of horrid racism and misogyny, politicized shit we didn’t know could be politizied, turned the Supreme Court into CPAC, sold us out to multiple countries including the one that helped him steal the 2016 election and TRIED TO OVERTHROW THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING GOVERNMENT.

But now you’re telling us he did the shit that Republicans and the New York Fucking Times were so fucking sure Hillary did but didn’t do?! Nah fuck that. You’re pranking us. You got us good. Well played. And if it’s not a prank, just don’t tell us. Let us live the beautiful goddamn lie. Because the truth is liable to make us straight up burst into fucking flames. Goddamnit! Motherfucker! Sonofabitch! More: Washington Post, Washington Post II

Note two: Phew. Ok, who’s ready for some football?

Note three: Thanks to Eric Boehlert for calling out how Marjorie Taylor Haberman has some explaining to do about this reporting. More: Press Run

Note four: An example needs to be made of this teen. More: Huff Post

Note five: We hope this fills you with laughter and joy the way it did us… More: Twitter

Note six: Republicans are so mad about Democrats fighting fire with fire on gerrymandering, but not mad enough to actually do anything about it or else they’d lose their power. More: NBC News

Note seven: Joe Manchin is so concerned about inflation that he wants to do nothing about it. What a fucking moron. More: Bloomberg

Note eight: That crack pipe stuff is bullshit. The White House needs to be more forceful in saying so. More: The Daily Beast

Note nine: Sigh. Yesterday was another day we were cheering on Liz Cheney. Maybe we need to rewatch Vice to remember how awful she is. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 10: Now maybe the gray wolf can outlive democracy. More: Associated Press

Note 11: So we know we have some Canadian TBSers, and we’re just wondering — why the hell hasn’t this been put down? Seems like these so-called truckers should’ve had their asses trucked to jail by now. (Don’t ever doubt how American we are. On Monday we knew nothing about this issue. By Friday we’re calling for mass arrests and questioning the actions of a foreign government. U-S-A! U-S-A!) More: NBC News

Note 12: We’ve seen some pathetic shit from people spurned by Trump. But this is actually the scene from Say Anything. More: Washington Post

Note 13: Thank you, Sen. Alex Padilla for calling out Republican racism against Biden nominees. It’s a fucking shame he was the only one to step up like this. More: Huff Post

Note 14: People can’t vote in Texas. Maybe the NYT should stop kissing orange asses and their own and start acting like this is a big fucking deal. More: Texas Tribune

Note 15: So Oklahoma hates women. More: Huff Post

Note 16: Herschel Walker is a disaster. And it is nothing short of fucking amazing how many passes McConnell has gotten for supporting this piece of shit. More: Huff Post

Note 17: These scumbags have been pretty clear that they want to shoot us. When is our party gonna start hearing them? More: The Hill

Note 18: Biden is looking at four potential SCOTUS nominees. If he picks someone to make Lindsey Graham happy, this newsletter is gonna become about the weather. Sorry. The fucking weather. More: Talking Points Memo

Note 19: LOL. Ron Johnson hates Wisconsin. Does Wisconsin care? More: WKOW

Note 20: The Senate is actually getting some shit done. Just not nearly enough. More: NBC News

Note 21: Y’all watch any snowboarding last night? That shit is crazy. Crazy awesome. And on that note, let’s get to the news. We’re out of breath and dehydrated from that opening rant. We hope y’all have a super Super Bowl weekend. We love y’all and we’ll see you back here Monday unless the game goes into overtime. And then we’re gonna call in sick. 

Crazy

Both Anthony Blinken and Joe Biden are warning that Russia could invade Ukraine at any time. Biden is begging Americans to get the fuck out and warning them that U.S. troops will not be able to come get them without starting a World War. We know people didn’t listen to this kind of thing when it was said in Afghanistan, so let’s hope they’re hearing it now. More: CNN, CNN II, CNN III

Gross

Things are going great for those moderate Republicans in Virginia we heard so much about. Except there’s nothing moderate about them. Whether it’s Youngkin attacking a teenager or this fucking idiot deputy AG, they are as Trumpy as we said they’d be. And yeah, this moron thinks Jan. 6 was a hoax and so was the election. Oh and she would’ve been in charge of some election issues. JFC. More: Washington Post

BFD

So there are gaps in Trump’s records from Jan. 6. There are calls the committee knows Trump made but no record of them. Yeah, this is a big fucking deal. This is the missing part of the Watergate tapes. We just assume NYT reporters will find a reason why this is not criminal or any reason to stop kissing orange ass. More: CNN, New York Times, ABC News

Today’s clips

President Joe Biden signed an executive order on Friday to create a pathway to split $7 billion in Afghan assets frozen in the U.S. to fund humanitarian relief in Afghanistan and to create a trust fund to compensate Sept. 11 victims. More: Associated Press

Unable to tame inflation that has worsened sharply under his watch, President Joe Biden stressed Thursday that his administration’s policies would cut prescription drug prices and make life more affordable for families. More: Associated Press

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