Today's Big Stuff 1.3.22

1.3.22

It’s Monday. There are 309 days until the midterm elections. Twitter says Marjorie Taylor Gone, we’re gonna do that Joe Manchin shit again and getting ready for the anniversary of a Republican terrorist attack on the U.S. Capitol.   

Be advised: Our spelling only got worse over the break, and our dirty mouths got straight up folthy. We mean filthy. Fuck. 

Note: Sexy Patriots!!! How the eff are you?! Goddamnit we missed y’all the way Ronna McDaniel misses her name and dignity! It’s so freaking good to be back with you. We are rested, recharged and re-fucking ready to cuss, laugh and save American democracy. Y’all ready to get nuts? Yeah, we’re already there too, but we figured we’d ask anyway. 

And really, if you’re gonna take on 2022, it’ll help to be a little nuts. Why? Well, because we’ve got a country to save, we’ve gotta save it from some truly demented lunatic turds who already violently attacked us once and there’s no guarantee that everything is going to turn out ok. Hell, we might upgrade this shit from nuts to straight up motherflipping bonkers. 

The good news is we’re ready for the fight. We’re ready for straight up motherflipping bonkers. 

You ever hear the old expression about how you shouldn’t wrestle a pig in the mud because you’ll both get dirty but the pig likes it? Well we say fuck that. Bring on the mud and bring on that fucking pig. We were born in the mud, we eat that shit for breakfast and we speak pig latin like a first anguage-lay. We’re kidding of course. We actually know the pig from that expression. His name is Stan, and he’s cool as fuck. He parties. And Stan the Pig never attacked the Capitol, he never beat any cops with the American flag and he didn’t spend the last year telling us none of that shit ever happened. Hell, Stan is still allowed to have a twitter account for pete’s sake. 

So as you plan to play your damn important part in saving the country and the world this year, remember that what we’re up against is dirtier than a pig in the mud and not nearly as smart, cool or as good of a dancer. Y’all ready to put your work boots on and save America again? Cool. So are we. Stan says he’s down too. Let’s do this. Let’s get bonkers. 

Note two: How much did you miss that sexy patriotic gibberish? It’s good to be back! 

Note three: We lost some big names over the break. Harry Reid, Betty White, John Madden, Joan Didion. And we’re probably forgetting a few others. If you’re gonna die, do it during a holiday break when people can stop and appreciate you and do a Golden Girls marathon. 

Note four: How’s about we try some good news to start out today? First, a lot of Americans are getting a raise this year because the minimum wage is increasing in a lot of places. More: Axios

Note five: Good news continued — that racist trash judge who said sedatives made her racist trash has resigned. Buh-bye. More: Yahoo News

Note six: Still rolling — Biden finished the year by nominating more judges than any president since Reagan. More: Reuters

Note seven: Can’t stop won’t stop — Biden is on board with a filibuster carve-out for voting rights. More: Axios

Note eight: Oh and holiday sales sure did pretty fucking great considering how many days of Did-Joe-Biden-fuck-up-Christmas stories we had to endure last year. More: Axios

Note nine: And surprise medical bills are about to go bye-bye. Seriously, this seems like a lot of good news. More: Axios

Note 10: Now as we transition to some less than good news, let us take a moment to point and laugh at Ted Cruz who believes he is next in line to be the GOP presidential nominee. Doesn’t he have an ugly wife or murderer dad to tell him the truth about how much he’s despised? More: Washington Post

Note 11: Don Jr. ain’t down with Jesus no more. Imagine what a huge story this would be if a Democrat or a woman of color said it. More: New York Mag

Note 12: Speaking of shitty media coverage, there were two right-wing mass shooters over the break. One of them called Kyle Rittenhouse a hero. Why aren’t we hearing more about this shit? More: The Daily Beast, The Courier-Journal

Note 13: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution put together an impressive package looking at the assault on Georgia’s 2020 election results. More: AJC

Note 14: And here’s a story about how Senate Democrats have basically given the coup plotters a free pass. More: Huff Post

Note 15: Here’s a great column about how the media needs to step up and defend democracy. More: Washington Post

Note 16: We don’t talk enough about what a bad motherfucker Jamie Raskin is. More: CBS News

Note 17: We’re sending well wishes to Sec. Lloyd Austin who has COVID. More: CNN

Note 18: These Capitol police officers deserve a helluva lot better than what this country has given them. More: Huff Post

Note 19: Remember that idiot member of Congress who said Hitler was right about one thing? Trump just endorsed her. He also just endorsed Viktor Orban so maybe he’s going for a Nazi theme this year. More: CNN

Note 20: As we were writing today, Schumer announced plans to to hold a vote on filibuster rules for voting rights bills. We’ll see just how badly Manchin and Sinema fuck this up.

Note 21: Ok, you super sexy patriots, let’s get our hot asses to the news! We missed y’all so much, and we’re so fucking happy to be back and cussing about the news. We love y’all, and we hope you missed us too. Have an awesome fucking week!

Marjorie who?

That super gross Jewish Space Lasers lady is permanently suspended from twitter for constantly lying about COVID. So if it seemed like twitter got more pleasant and less dumb, that’s why. Unfortunately, Miss Human Garbage USA still has her official account and she’s still just awful. Still, thanks to twitter for doing something about this shit unlike Facebook which probably put Marge on the old payroll. More: NBC News

Goddamnit

Well, here we go again. Joe Manchin says he’s ready to start negotiating over BBB again. We just wasted a whole fucking year on this shit, but sure, bro, let’s do it. Get ready for Groundhog Day because this shit is never ever gonna end. What an asshole. More: Axios

J6

Well, it’s here. This week we will mark the one-year anniversary of the Republican attack on the U.S. Capitol. It was the first transfer of power in American history that wasn’t peaceful, 140 cops were injured, the vice president was almost hanged and the man who started it all is having a fucking press conference in Florida to brag about getting away with it. The actual president and vice president will be speaking from the Capitol that day. The good news is that a big majority of the country thinks Trump is to blame and he shouldn’t run again. The bad news is that a big majority of Republicans don’t feel that way. More: ABC News, CNN, CNN II, CNN III, Huff Post

Today’s clips

In the weeks leading up to the deadly insurrection at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, a handful of Americans — well-known politicians, obscure local bureaucrats — stood up to block then-President Donald Trump’s unprecedented attempt to overturn a free and fair vote of the American people. 

In the year since, Trump-aligned Republicans have worked to clear the path for next time. More: Associated Press

The House select committee investigating the Jan. 6 Capitol Riot has received “firsthand testimony” that President Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, twice asked him to intervene, Rep. Liz Cheney said. Trump was watching the riot unfold on television while sitting in the dining room next to the Oval Office at the time. “We have firsthand testimony that his daughter Ivanka went in at least twice to ask him to please stop this violence,” Cheney, the vice chair of the committee and one of two Republican members on the panel, said on ABC’s This Week. More: Slate

One member will kick off a yearlong democracy initiative this week. One is introducing a bill commemorating Jan. 6 as "Democracy Day." Several are coordinating plans to deliver "gratitude food" to Capitol Police officers who risked their lives to protect them. More: Axios

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