Today's Big Stuff 12.7.21

12.7.21

It’s Tuesday. There are 336 days until the midterm elections. One Trump aide starts cooperating and one stops, Devin Nunes makes a run for it and Biden confronts Putin.

Be advised: If you don’t like cuss words or typos, this probably isn’t the newsletter for yop.

Note: Well hey there, SPs. It’s so great to see the seven of you who came back after yesterday’s whole “sex with Christmas” debacle. We hope you’re having a lovely Tuesday, and we promise not to defile any of your favorite holidays today. That meant scrapping a lengthy piece about Flag Day’s origins in the furry underworld and its ties to the endless Republican war on women, but we felt like we’d done enough to this nation’s holidays for the week and so we thought we’d be cool.

Instead we thought we’d talk about the buttbrains over at Politico and their ridiculous absurd ludicrous offensive are-you-fucking-kidding-us piece about Vice President Harris not using AirPods. Yes, they wrote a fucking story about the vice president of the United States not digging Bluetooth. It’s a massive security risk, but they went ahead and called her paranoid anyway. Jesus take the wheel and steer us right into a fucking highway divider. SERIOUSLY?! Now y’all know we’ve been boycotting Politico links here ever since the Ben Shapiro bullshit, so you don’t have to worry about us linking to this latest diaper deposit here. But if you don’t mind, we’d like to go off on that shitty beltway publication for a second and it’s going to be obscene even for us. If you got enough of that yesterday, just go ahead and skip to Note Three. But around here we defend our Vice President from despicable attacks like this, and so we’re gonna work a little blue for a minute.

Ahem. Politico can eat shit. They can eat dog shit, cat shit, horse shit, fish shit, rat shit, hog shit, deer shit, grizzly bear shit, muskrat shit, Devin Nunes's cows shit, leprechaun shit, polar bear shit, unicorn shit, shark shit, koala bear shit, their own shit, Axios’s shit, some random dude named Jeff’s shit, elephant shit, mouse shit, shit’s shit, the cast of Schitt’s Creek shit, a shitzu’s shit, space shit, giraffe shit and really just all the shittiest shit that was ever shat or will ever be shitten.

Note two: Also, they can fuck off. Ok, we feel much better. We’re gonna rehydrate and catch our breaths and be ready to rock in two shakes.

Note three: And we’re back. So did y’all hear about the president of the United States working his ass off to cap the cost of life-saving medications? It wasn’t as big as VP Harris not wearing AirPods, but it still seems kinda important to us. More: NPR, CNN

Note four: RIP to Fred Hiatt. More: Washington Post

Note five: DOJ is suing Texas. Again. This time it’s over the state’s racist voting maps. More: Washington Post

Note six: Let’s check in briefly with Sean Spicer and, yep, still a loser. More: Bloomberg

Note seven: Men spread COVID more than women and children. Damnit, guys, we have got to stop making shit worse. More: CBS News

Note eight: We forgot to mention yesterday just how wonderful it was to see the president and vice president back at the Kennedy Center. Trump would only attend shows at the John F. Kennedy Jr. is Secretly Still Alive Center. More: Washington Post

Note nine: They’re vandalizing Anne Frank statues. America has a sickness, and it is out of control. And we’re not talking about COVID. More: NBC News

Note 10: Wow. Wanna see a Democrat with some guts? Louisiana Gov. John Bel Edwards is going to add the COVID vaccine to the list of required school vaccines. More: The Advocate

Note 11: Today is of course the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Instead of throwing up in your mouth watching the people who attacked us on Jan. 6 put out statements of remembrance, please take a moment to remember the lives that were lost that day.

Note 12: Sadly, we’re still losing the Greatest Generation daily. More: CNN

Note 13: Do you hate yourself? Ok, then here’s your reading on the debt ceiling. More: CNN

Note 14: We’re not saying our own party is weak, but the Durham probe is a joke and we’re just letting it go on like it’s more important than the billions of crimes Trump committed and the hundreds of thousands of Americans he let die. More: New York Times

Note 15: Mitch McConnell was blasting Democratic child-care plans this morning as a “toddler takeover.” Funny. That’s what we called the 2016 election.

Note 16: Congrats to Yamiche Alcindor on joining NBCNews. Yamiche was a bright spot of Washington journalism during the Trump years. And congrats to NBC for getting a real reporter to balance out Chuck Todd’s bullshit.

Note 17: There are important hearings happening as we speak about Jan. 6 and Guantanamo. They are separate hearings, and we’ll aim to recap for you in tomorrow’s TBS.

Note 18: Want to know what it means when Trump’s lawyers plead the Fifth? Yeah, we know what it means too, but this explainer gets to the technical stuff. More: CNN

Note 19: It’s still weird to see a president who is anti-corruption. More: Axios

Note 20: Ok, you sexy patriots, let’s get to the news before we start cussing about that Politico story some more. Goddamn what a mess. We hope your week got off to a great start, and we’re excited to see y’all back here tomorrow. Have a good one!

In and out

Marc Short, Mike Pence’s chief of staff, is cooperating with the Jan. 6 committee, which is nice since Trump sent a mob of terrorists to kill his boss. Mark Meadows, however, has decided to stop cooperating. Yeah, after thoroughly pissing off his daddy Trump, Meadows is now saying he will halt all cooperation. Gosh, it sure seems like some of these fuckers just want to run out the clock. Except Meadows. He just seems dumber than dog shit. More: CNN, CNN II

Bye, D…bag

Congress is about to get slightly smarter. Devin Nunes, the dirtbag who used his chairmanship of House Intelligence to cover up for Trump’s conspiracy with Russia, is resigning to take a job with Trump’s new social media company, a company that is already being investigated by regulators. So yeah, he’s a perfect hire. More: LA Mag, CNN

Helsinkain’t

That might be our favorite word mash-up ever. Our point is that today Joe Biden confronted Putin over his plans to invade Ukraine, and it sure as hell wasn’t Trump kissing Putin’s ass in Helsinki. Biden is readying a raft of sanctions for Putin’s top people in the event of an invasion, and he spent yesterday talking to our allies about it. Russia is gonna do some fucked up shit, and we don’t know what will happen. But we do know Biden will be acting in America’s best interest, and couldn’t say that about that last fucker. More: CNN, CNN II, Bloomberg

Today’s clips

Senate Democrats are aiming to vote and approve a roughly $2 trillion package to overhaul the nation’s health-care, education, climate, immigration and tax laws before Christmas, hoping to muscle through a jam-packed schedule to deliver the remaining piece of President Biden’s economic agenda. More: Washington Post

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy appears to have settled on a strategy to deal with a handful of Republican lawmakers who have stirred outrage with violent, racist and sometimes Islamophobic comments.

If you can’t police them, promote them. More: Associated Press

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