Today's Big Stuff 12.22.21

12.22.21

It’s Wednesday. There are 321 days until the midterm elections. Some good healthcare news, some good economic news and Brandon Claus saves Christmas.  

Be advised: This is our last issue this year, so we’re cussing and misspelling stuff even more than fucking usuak. 

Note: Ho-Ho-Holy freaking shit it’s finally here! The last TBS of the year! We can’t believe it, and we’ve learned to believe a lot of crazy shit since America went dumbfuck back in ‘16. But it sure is hard to fathom that this wraps up YEAR THREE of this foul-mouthed little newsletter. What started as a clip service for six people before mutating into a profane daily tipsheet is now a community of almost 90,000 of the sexiest damn patriots you ever saw. It’s been quite a journey, and we’re really damn glad you’ve joined us for it. 

Sorry. We’re really fucking glad you’ve joined us for it. 

We know we get all sappy like this all the time, and we’re not sorry about it. We love y’all, we love America, we love cussing and we love cussing with y’all to save America. And if any of those things is wrong, well, we don’t want to be right or sexy. Hey, let’s not sugarcoat shit — these last five or six years have been a melting dirty diaper in a midsummer heat big city dumpster dropped onto a bonfire of human hair. But in the middle of that endless and smelly crap cake, there is a candy cane, cotton candy and eternal goodness center. And to us, that’s you. 

No, we guess you’re right. That doesn’t sound like a compliment at all. Like even a little bit. Sorry about that. What we’re trying to say is y’all have been a beautiful goddamn light in the endless orange darkness, and we love you for it. The crazier shit gets, the more obvious it becomes that we need each other. And if this time of year ain’t for remembering that, then we don’t know what it is for. Except maybe getting a new PlayStation and eating until you pass out. 

So from the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Thank you for joining us, thank you for inspiring us, thank you for making us laugh, thank you for giving us hope and thank you for fighting this important fight alongside us. Y’all are seriously the fucking best, and we fucking love you. 

Stay safe and sexy out there, and we’ll see you after a nice holiday break.

Note two: Well, SPs, it finally happened. They labeled us “dangerous.” Yeah, dangerous like a fox. But not nearly as dangerous as Fox. If your issue of TBS arrived yesterday with a big red warning on it, please don’t worry. We promise we didn’t do anything crazy that would leave most people repulsed and make us stars in the Republican Party. The folks who help us distribute this newsletter told us they had some other issues yesterday and it wasn’t us. We were damn relieved to hear that. Thanks to all of you who reached out to tell us about it. Sorry if we freaked you out. Tbh, we kinda liked being called “dangerous.” It almost made us buy cool leather jackets and start smoking again. 

Note three: Just one more bit of housekeeping before we start talking shit about politicians. This time of year can be a brutal kick to the soul-nuts for a lot of folks, and if that’s you, we want you to know we see you. If you’re having a hard time, the number to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.

Note four: Ok, y’all wanna talk about politics? Trump’s FBI, which is for some reason Biden’s FBI too, sent surveillance teams to the Portland protests. Gosh. Is that why they missed a an attack on the goddamn Capitol? More: New York Times

Note five: In case you missed it yesterday, Joe Biden brought the light and the heat as he addressed the nation about Omicron. More: Washington Post, Washington Post II

Note six: Ok, let’s just get all the unpleasant Manchin bullshit out of the way in one note. Republicans are trying hard to flip him, Joe Biden said he and Manchin are “gonna get something done” and the coal-eating coward had the actual goddamn nerve to show up on the Democratic caucus call last night and say he’s been consistent all along. Yeah, whatever, asshole. Democrats are hopeful they can get him on a compromise bill early in the new year. We just hope he’s not still wasting our motherfucking time. More: Associated Press, CNN, CNBC, NBC News, Huff Post

Note seven: Want to see the worst goddamn Christmas movie ever? It’s about a bunch of assholes who attacked the Capitol but were allowed to travel for the holidays. It’s called “It’s a Wonderful Life, Especially if You’re a Piece of Shit White Domestic Terrorist in America.” The other title is Elfuckyourself. More: Bloomberg

Note eight: David Frum writes that Biden won big with a shitty hand. We tend to agree. More: The Atlantic

Note nine: It sure seems like the Senate is going to finally get serious about voting rights next month. We have no idea what that means or looks like, but it’s about goddamn time. More: New York Times

Note 10: Stacey is asking for it, and the whole damn party should be listening to her. More: NBC News

Note 11: And fucked up shit like this is why she’s asking for it and why we need it. More: Augusta Chronicle, Raw Story

Note 12: Speaking of Georgia, why aren’t these sonsofbitches sitting in a jail cell right now? More: Reuters

Note 13: Mike Flynn is a fucking traitor. That’s all. More: CNN

Note 14: A booster mandate is coming for California health workers. Get that shot, folks. Hell, we got ours and now we kinda want another one. Especially if it’s the miracle shot that Walter Reed has been working on. More: Associated Press, Defense One

Note 15: To us, this might be the best scene of any Christmas movie ever made. More: YouTube

Note 16: Scott Perry seems like a really, really bad dude. More: CNN

Note 17: People aren’t having babies anymore. Probably because it’s too expensive and both the world and democracy are dying. More: Associated Press

Note 18: Madison Cawthorn wants to fight a civil war against us. He knows we’re not trees and we punch back, right? More: Raw Story

Note 19: The Biden administration is considering extending the pause on student loan repayment. Ugh. Just fucking cancel it already. Republicans will burn down the country for their base. Seems like we can burn down some loans for ours. More: NBC News

Note 20: Ooh, this slipped past our radar screen. Some continued ugly shit in Texas. We’re beginning to wonder if they have any other kind. More: Texas Tribune

Note 21: Ok, this was a good job by Merrick Garland. Now please go fucking arrest Trump. More: CNN

Note 22: We’re so proud of these Brandons. And we’d like to introduce them to some of our friends named Karen. More: Buzzfeed News

Note 23: Oh goodness we’ve gone note crazy. We just couldn’t stop talking knowing we won’t see y’all for a little while. We want to leave you with this thought before we get to the news — yesterday was the Winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. So as of today, there is already more light in the world. Or at least that’s how we think it works. Y’all have a wonderful holiday season, and please be good to yourself. We’ll meet you back here in the new year, and then we really gotta go to work defending this country and its democracy. From all of us here at TBS, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Sexy Happy New Year to all of you! 

Yay healthcare! 

Wow! The move to keep the Obamacare exchanges open during a crisis was, duh, a smart one. With a month to go until open enrollment, a record 13.6 million people have signed up. All told, this means about 5 million more Americans have health insurance than before Biden took office. You can still go to Healthcare.gov until Jan. 15 to sign up or renew your plan. More: CNN

Yay economy!

So despite the best efforts of COVID and Joe Manchin, the U.S. economy is straight up humming. We just had a 7 percent growth rate in the last quarter (up from 2 percent in the quarter before). Even the Wall Street Journal is calling it a “booming U.S. economy.” Thanks, Brandon. More: Wall Street Journal

Yay Brandon!

In an effort to piss off the Beltway, Joe Biden has won the war on Christmas by saving the holiday from empty shelves. Yeah, remember all those supply chain stories? Well, the guy we elected got to work and made a big damn difference. It’s partly why the economy is on fire.

So big thanks to the Biden administration and everyone out there making sure packages are getting where they’re supposed to on time. You could just feel the anger of the NYT reporters as they wrote this. More: New York Times

Today’s clips

“He said he’s gotten phone calls from one grandmother specifically talking about her crackhead daughter ― he used the word crackhead three times ― talking about her crackhead daughter running around using the child tax credit to buy drugs and get high instead of it going where it needs to go,” Vance told HuffPost. More: Huff Post

Without the enhanced credit, nearly 10 million children are at risk of falling back below the poverty line or slipping even deeper into poverty, according to an analysis from the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a progressive think tank. More: CNBC

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