Today's Big Stuff 12.2.22

12.2.22

Happy Friday! There are 704 days until the presidential election. Trump gets laughed out of court but still finds time for more treason, Democrats look for a new nominating calendar and another stellar Dark Brandon jobs report.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It comes in handy when we’re telling nazi assholes to eat shit and fuck off.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! The weekend is upon us. It’s been so great being back with y’all after that holiday break, and with more holidays just around the corner, we thought we’d go ahead and break down what TBS has in store for the coming days and weeks.

First, we’re gonna keep cussing out Republican scumbags the way most people breathe — often and because it gives us life. But we are gonna take a few days off here and there over the holidays just so we don’t completely lose our shit when the Gym Jordan Dumbfuck Rodeo gets going next year. We’re gonna stay in the saddle until the Georgia run-off is over, and then we’ll be in and out until the new year gets started.

Second, we don’t know what the fuck is gonna happen to Nazi Shithole Website (formerly known as Twitter), but we do know TBS ain’t going anywhere. As long as we have fingers to type and a brain that knows words like fuck and goddamnit and poop, then this newsletter shall endure.

Third, we’re expanding. Or at least we’re gonna try. Beginning next month, TBS is planning a weekly recap on YouTube hosted by Sam and Adam. Yeah, you’re gonna see our ugly mugs doing some on-camera cussin’. We’re still putting it together, but we’re pretty fucking excited to be doing some new and cool shit with this newsletter we love so much.

Y’all have heard us say this a million times, but TBS was started for six people. We are now well over 100,000 subscribers strong and we’ve saved the country like twice now. We’ve seen how awesome and sexy and caring y’all are, and we want to see just how big a difference we can make.

So that’s the plan. Let us know what you think, and we’ll keep you posted on what’s going on. Thank you for joining us, thank you for being on the right side of all this shit and thank you for all that you do for this country. Love y’all!

Note two: Has there been anything better in the world of politics this year than the Barack Obama Roasting Dumbasses Tour?

Note three: Kanye has gone full nazi. In case you missed it, yesterday his scummy ass went on Alex Jones to talk about how much he likes Hitler and how we need to stop “dissing” Nazis. Then he kept it going on twitter, eventually posting a photo of a swastika inside a Star of David. It was only after Ye posted an unflattering picture of Elon Musk that Elon suspended Kanye’s account. That might be the most fucked up paragraph we’ve ever written for this newsletter, and that is really saying something. More: NBC News

Note four: Remember how Gym Jordan’s House Judiciary Committee twitter account put out a tweet a few months ago that said “Kanye. Elon. Trump?” Well they finally deleted it yesterday. Weird how they were fine with everything right up to “I like Hitler.” More: NBC News

Note five: We’ve got our own version of that tweet. It goes — Fuck Kanye. Fuck Elon. And fuck Trump.

Note six: It looked like a lovely state dinner last night. Macron said all the right things about Ukraine, so we’re gonna continue being nice and polite about this whole thing.

Note seven: Did you see Chris Cilizza lost his job? We don’t ever celebrate someone getting fired, but that shit is long overdue. Remember how many times he basically told us he had a crush on Ivanka? And he lasted for years after that! Chuck Todd must be freaking out now that some people are rejecting mediocrity. More: CNBC

Note eight: Newt Gingrich is the scum of the earth. But he’s right about this. More: Axios

Note nine: Yo, GEORGIA! Today is the last day to vote early. Y’all have been absolutely crushing it, but we can’t let up!

Note 10: President Obama obviously stole the show, but this is a pretty great joke too.

Note 11: Edward Snowden swore an oath of allegiance to Russia and got his passport. Fuck him, and fuck his traitor friends. More: Washington Post

Note 12: For someone who says she’ll never stop fighting for Arizona, Kari Lake sure spends a lot of time in Florida. It’s almost like she’s a deranged goddamn liar. More: Washington Post

Note 13: Btw, yesterday the holdout county in Arizona finally certified the election results after a judge forced them too. They didn’t change the outcome, but they did let everyone know they are dumb and shitty at their jobs. More: Business Insider

Note 14: It needs to be said — Thank you, Marc Elias.

Note 15: Oh and the lawyers representing the Arizona shithouse rats — including Alan Dershowitz — were sanctioned for bringing a bullshit case. So yeah, things are going great for Republicans out in Arizona. More: AZ Central

Note 16: A federal judge ordered Trump’s White House lawyers to talk to a DC grand jury some more about the orange coup attempt. Trump must be a freaked out fucking mess these days. Just bronzer and ketchup everywhere. More: CNN

Note 17: We criticize the press a lot, but it’s honestly fucking crazy how few questions Matt Gaetz, Kevin McCarthy and Skidmarkorie Taylor Greene have gotten about this shit. More:

Note 18: Y’all watching the US in the World Cup tomorrow? We’re pretty fired up about it.

Note 19: And lastly, have you gotten your booster? How about your flu shot? Don’t forget to take a jacket or a sweater if you leave the house today. What? We nag because we care.

Note 20: And on that note, let’s go do some news and then go do some weekending. We love y’all so much, and we are so fucking grateful to you for helping us grow this fucked up little newsletter. We hope y’all have a lovely weekend.

LOLOL

So three conservative judges on the 11th Circuit shut down all that ridiculous Eileen Cannon bullshit, and Trump basically got laughed out of court. He can still appeal to the Supreme Court, but that motherfucker is getting investigated for stealing classified shit and that investigation sure seems to be heating up. But Trump didn’t appear to let it dampen his spirits as he still found time to record a message of support for some of the heinous scum he sent to attack our Capitol on Jan. 6. We wish we were making this up. More: CNN, Washington Post

Who’s on first?

So Democrats are doing something bold and shaking up their presidential nominating calendar. Iowa is no longer going first, and we appear to be done with caucuses altogether. As the head of the party, Joe Biden has asked that South Carolina go first. Then New Hampshire and Nevada on the same day, then Georgia and then Michigan. We like the idea of trying to expand into the South and we recognize the importance of rewarding and seeing our base there, but let’s make sure we don’t piss off Nevada, ok? More: NPR

Jobs, jobs, jobs

Dark Brandon is creating too many jobs. No, seriously, that’s the hot fucking take today. We got a new jobs report and that sonofabitch is so hot there’s smoke coming off of it. Economists predicted the US economy added about 200,000 jobs last month. Instead we added 263,000 jobs. Joe Biden has now created 10.5 million jobs since taking office TWO YEARS AGO. The bad news is the Fed was starting to ease off its interest rate hikes, and this will probably cause them to change course since we can’t have working people doing too well or it’s bad for the economy. Makes sense, right? More: Yahoo Finance

Today’s clips

Infowars host Alex Jones filed for personal bankruptcy in his home state of Texas on Friday after courts ordered him to pay nearly $1.5 billion for capitalizing on falsehoods about the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. More: Huff Post

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