Today's Big Stuff 12.17.21

12.17.21

Happy Friday. There are 326 days until the midterm elections. Democrats get a whole buttload of bad news, the Trump administration undermined the COVID response and that sure seems like a big deal to us and Roger Stone pleads the filthy fifth.

Be advised: We always cuss a lot and spell shit wrong, but today is Friday, so at least we’re in a good moob about it.

Note: Ho-Ho-Hokay, so things ain’t great. How the heck are you, SPs? Well you smell terrific, and it’s obvious you’re not letting a mixed bag of news out of Washington rob you of your holiday spirit. And we admire the hell out of you for it. We’ll admit that it almost got to us. In fact we damn near burned Whoville to the ground. Yeah, that place the Grinch stole Christmas from? We were gonna straight up torch it. We weren’t messing around either. We had some fantabulous flamethrowers and we were just gonna burn the whole damn place to the fucking ground. Weren’t even gonna sing a cute little song while we did it. But then we remembered it’s the holidays and we’re not the type of newsletter to mass murder fictional Dr. Seuss characters.

So we figured we’d do something else — we’re going to try and capture the spirit of the season by combining some wildly unrealistic optimism with some shameless capitalist self-promotion. Sound good?

First! Remember that a lot of these fights we’re losing on Capitol Hill are far from over. Joe Manchin might keep sticking coal in our stockings, but he’s clearly a reindeer whose nose gets red in the heat. Translation: Let’s see how tough he is when West Virginians start losing those child tax credits. The point is, yeah, shit is a mess on the Hill and it’s hurting our party but when has that ever not been true? It’s why we celebrate like lunatics when we actually pass something. Because it’s hard to do. We did a lot this year. We made some mistakes and we dropped some important balls, but we did a lot and we did the most important thing we could do — not be Trump. So let’s give ourselves a break and get ready for the second half.

Second! If you’re looking for any last-minute gift ideas for your friends or family or just that one dude you met that one time, then please suggest a subscription to Today’s Big Stuff. It’s free, it’s weird, it’s a good way to run off any Trumpers and a great way to identify other really smart, cool and attractive people in your life. We think the TBS community can be a powerful voice next year, and we’re asking you to help us grow it. We’ll be around next week, so we’ll have plenty more holiday-themed notes to share. But for now, please enjoy the weekend and stay sexy.

Note two: “He’s clearly a reindeer whose nose gets red in the heat.” What the fuck does that even mean? How did that make it in the final newsletter? We need a staff meeting.

Note three: Also, if you want to get us a gift, then please get your hot ass boosted asap. Omicron is coming, and boosters aren’t a luxury. So if you’ve been putting it off, please go and get that shit done. We need you here to help us outnumber the dumbfucks. More: Washington Post

Note four: We have been desperate for some good news about women’s reproductive rights. So we’re gonna take this and celebrate it. More: Washington Post

Note five: The Sacklers killed millions of Americans. They just lost their sweetheart deal. When do we get to march them down the street nude while the lady from Ted Lasso rings a bell and says “shame shame shame?” More: New York Times

Note six: Maybe nothing exemplifies the cruel weirdness of this current era more than our ever-growing hatred for Kanye. Seriously we used to love this asshole. More: The Daily Beast

Note seven: Melania is selling NFTs. It’s not a Blockchain thing. It’s just her own currency called Nickels From Trash. More: Washington Post

Note eight: An Alaska mayor shut off the city’s fluoride. We’re a year away from Republicans decrying that only coastal elites use toilet paper and real Americans wipe their asses with their bare hands. More: New York Times

Note nine: Herschel Walker lied about graduating college. We expected more from a dangerous psychopath who points guns at women. More AJC

Note 10: It’s nice to finally read something that appreciates the good job Vice President Harris is doing. More: The Daily Beast

Note 11: DOCTOR Jill Biden is an NFT too — Not the Former Trash. More: CNN

Note 12: It can be damn frustrating being a Democrat. It seems like every day our own party does something to piss us off. But at least they don’t try to fleece us to pay their fucking legal bills. Can you imagine how insulting that would be? More: Washington Post

Note 13: It is nothing short of terrifying what is happening in Wisconsin. Almost as important as the vice president not liking AirPods. More: Washington Post

Note 14: The Jan. 6 committee subpoenaed the power point nutjob. Take your time, y’all. No rush. More: CNN

Note 15: Fox had a bad day in court. Tucker tried to make up for it by killing lots and lots of Americans by lying about COVID last night. More: CNN

Note 16: Sigh. Joe Manchin really sucks. And we need a shortcut key for that. More: Washington Post

Note 17: Is there anything that demonstrates what an absolute loser Trump is than him going full Q? The vote tallies and endless court rulings? Well yeah, but the Q thing too. More: Vice

Note 18: Neil Gorsuch sent an extra fuck you to the women of Texas. More: Washington Post

Note 19: And really everyone in Texas who isn’t a gun-humping lunatic should keep their eyes open. It’s gone totally lawless down there. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 20: Our thanks to Eric Boehlert for tracking down how the MSM got totally played on critical race theory. Disgraceful. More: Press Run

Note 21: Ok, you super sexy patriots, let’s get to the news and then let’s get to this weekend. We hope y’all are enjoying a little holiday cheer even as things continue to be pretty well fucked up. If Omicron and fascism are getting to you, just know that we’re here for you and we ain’t doing shit except getting ready to fight like some maniacs next year. Have a great weekend, and we’ll see you Monday. Love y’all!

Oof

Well, Democrats did not have a good Thursday. We basically shelved BBB, the parliamentarian fucked us on immigration again, our nominees are stuck behind Ted Cruz’s bullshit and voting rights don’t seem to be going anywhere except backwards. But as John Belushi noted in Animal House, it wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor. Yeah, this shit sucks, and yeah we should have accomplished more. But it ain’t over, and we aint’ done. So let’s try to keep our heads up. And keep calling Manchin’s office and shaming the shit out of him. More: Washington Post, Washington Post, CBS News, CNN

This seems bad

Hey you know that pandemic that has killed 800,000 Americans? Well the last president and his administration deliberately undermined the federal government’s response because of fucking politics. That’s according to a new House report that is telling us something that we already know but should still be a giant HOLY SHIT moment. Trump is damn lucky he’s not a Democrat, or the press would be eating his lunch over shit like this. More: The Hill, CNN

Barrell time

Roger Stone, a guy who is sleazy even for the eternal sleaze of Trumpland, is appearing before the Jan. 6 committee today. He is expected to plead the fifth. Now we could talk about how the fifth amendment is an important constitutional protection, but instead we’ll just say that motherfucker is guilty. Oh and Peter Navarro spent yesterday hailing Steve Bannon as the hero of Jan. 6. Did we really need a fucking power point to tell us these sick sonsofbitches tried to overthrow the government? More: Independent, Raw Story

Today’s clips

A majority of Georgia's Republican state senators quietly sent former Sen. David Perdue a letter last month asking him not to run for governor, Axios has learned. Weeks later, Perdue forged ahead and announced his primary challenge to incumbent Gov. Brian Kemp.

More: Axios

President Joe Biden on Thursday awarded the Medal of Honor to three U.S. soldiers for their service during the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, including a posthumous award for Sgt. 1st Class Alwyn Cashe, the first Black service member to receive the military award since the war on terror began on 9/11.

More: USA Today

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