Today's Big Stuff 12.13.21

12.13.21

It’s Monday. There are 330 days until the midterm elections. Sick Day edition.

Be advised: We cuss, we spell stuff wrong and we’ve got a bad fucking case of the Mindays.

Note: Hark, sexiest of patriots! How are thee? Wonderful! Why are we talking like this? Beats us. It’s Monday, and we always do weird shit on Mondays. As a matter of fact, we spent quite a bit of time yesterday working on the PowerPoint Republicans passed around to try and figure out how to remove Lindsey Graham’s head from his own ass. Yes, we also had a version where it was Trump’s ass. But then we thought hey just because it’s Monday and we’re super good-looking, it doesn’t mean we have to do something weird or head-in-ass related. So instead we’re going to do something normal. We’re gonna talk about what a miserable little dickhead Rand Paul is.

He is the troll that lives under the Miserable Little Dickhead Bridge in Miserable Little Dickhead-boro in Miserable Little Dickhead-ylvania. He was the first miserable little dickhead to land on the Miserable Little Dickhead Moon of Planet Miserable Little Dickhead. He is Captain Miserable Little Dickhead of the USS Miserable Little Dickhead. Instead of Spaghetti-Os, he eats Miserable Little Dickhead-i-os. Put another way, he is the absolute fucking worse and we’ll chip in for a bronze statue of his neighbor.

So we get there are folks out there who see the leadership of a place like Kentucky, see their views on climate change, their hostility and grandstanding when other states are in trouble, their constant infliction of Mitch McConnell on the rest of the world and say well fuck ‘em. And honestly, if one of us wasn’t a Kentuckian, then maybe we’d be saying that shit too. We like to think not, but last week we said we were going to have sex with Christmas so who knows what we’re capable of?

The thing is it’s easy in the age of Trump to lose all humanity and become the orange you hate and it sucks to see it when it happens or when we’re doing it an hour from now. But it’s worth remembering this — More than 772,000 Kentuckians voted for Joe Biden. In Mayfield, a town that was all but wiped off the map, more than 3,500 voted for Biden. They don’t want to be represented by Rand or Mitch anymore than we want them to. So we’re gonna be better than Rand. And we’re gonna again thank our lucky stars that the bar to be a good person has never been lower than it is right now. We love and care about our fellow Americans in Kentucky. So there. We’re better than Rand Paul. Where do we go to get sainted?

Note two: Well, SPs, we managed to get that written and then we ran into an issue that is messing with our TBS efforts today. We sincerely apologize, and we’ll aim to bring you more cussing and news just as soon as we get everything straightened out. We love y’all and we appreciate your patience. Love you all!

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