Today's Big Stuff 1.20.22

1.20.22

It’s Thursday. There are 292 days until the midterm elections. Even this SCOTUS doesn’t buy Trump’s Jan. 6 BS, voting rights gets stabbed in the front and looking back on a better year.

Be advised: We cuss and misspell so much shit that you could call it profunity. Get it? Like profanity but fun? Oh fuck it here’s the nuws.

Note: How do you do it, Sexy Patriots?! We gotta know your secret. The charity firefighter calendar hanging at TBS HQ (we buy it for the articles) tells us that it has been a year. Yep, it’s been a year since you and 81 million of your closest friends teamed up with Joe B and the Veep to start rousing this country from its orange nightmare. So how is it possible you sexy mofos look a year younger instead of a year older? It’s the patriotism, isn’t it? Well whatever it is, it’s working.

But yeah, believe it or not since time no longer means anything in this knock-off Dali painting we’re all living in, but it has been a year since we put President Biden and Vice President Harris in the White House and got that other miserable sonofabitch out. Time flies when you’re not terrified the president is gonna nuke L.A. because he prefers McDonald’s to In-N-Out. And what a year it’s been. It’s been a year of hope, recovery, setbacks, more recovery, more setbacks, more hope, jobs, jabs, bridges, roads, judges, more bullshit, less bullshit, normal bullshit and much, much, much more restful sleep. It’s been a year made possible because we resisted, marched, organized, voted, defended that vote, repelled a scumbag terrorist attack and booted the dumbest motherfucker in history out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with his punk ass crying and whining the whole goddamn way.

Has it been all unicorn rides and leprechaun tickles? Of course not. What the fuck even is a leprechaun tickle? But we gotta keep on keepin’ on and kickin’ ass. Because y’all already know what it’s gonna take to have more good years and no more scared shitless years. And y'all already know who and what we’re up against. But today we hope you’ll take a minute or two to celebrate what we’ve done in a year. Last night was rough. There’s no sugarcoating that shit. But think back and remember how far we’ve come. Remember what you did. Remember where we were, and don’t forget how hard we worked to get here. And don’t forget we ain’t done. Keep your sexy heads up. Love y’all.

Note two: So seriously don’t ever try to tickle a leprechaun. They are mean as fuck and they will totally cut you and then go after your whole family. Unicorn rides, however, are quite lovely.

Note three: Ladies and gentlemen, the real Mitch McConnell showed himself yesterday. His legacy is one of racism. Period. More: Washington Post

Note four: We already knew that Republicans were coming at us this year with the biggest army of scum ever assembled. What we didn’t know is that OG scumbag Newt Gingrich is part of leading the charge. We have got to beat these twisted fuckers. More: Washington Post

Note five: This messed up shit in Tennessee is the America the right wants. We hope this poor couple gets a baby soon. We hope the adoption agency burns down. Or at least gets egged or some shit. More: Knox News

Note six: If you watched the president’s marathon press conference yesterday, then you know the press is never going to stop trying to destroy him. And since that’s a fact, then we need to be honest about where we are at the start of a crucial election year. Biden’s numbers are really, really bad. We need to figure out how to get them up. More: Associated Press, Washington Post, Washington Post II

Note seven: Shouldn’t these oathkeeper stories be a bigger deal?! More: Talking Points Memo

Note eight: Fauci with some good news for the kiddos and their exhausted parents. More: CNBC

Note nine: Republicans don’t really try to hide their racism anymore. The thing that makes that scary is knowing America might not give a shit. More: Huff Post

Note 10: You know who we hate more than Sinema and Manchin? Nobody. Nah, we’re just kidding. The answer is scumbag Republicans who voted against the infrastructure bill and now take credit for it. More: Huff Post

Note 11: We have no idea what to make of all this weird shit between Sotomayor and Gorsuch at the Supreme Court. But we still think Gorsuch is a dickhead. More: CNN, Washington Post

Note 12: There are Democrats we’d hate to see get raided by the FBI. This ain’t one of them. More: CNN

Note 13: Oh look. The billionaire piece of shit who owns Ron Johnson also tried to overthrow the government. More: The Daily Beast

Note 14: Can you imagine how the press would be howling today if a Democrat had said that racist shit Mitch McConnell did?!

Note 15: So we know how much the two assface senators from our own party suck. So who are you supporting to cancel them out? We love us some Tim Ryan in Ohio. But there are so many important Senate races this year. Are you going to adopt one? Let us know.

Note 16: Ok, SPs, let’s get our fine asses to the news. Don’t forget to have a little cake or something today. You’ve earned it. Hell, have the whole cake. And we might do the same. We love y’all, and we hope you’re hanging in there. Have a great day!

NOPUS

That was supposed to be a combination of NOPE and SCOTUS, but it just looks weird. Anyway, in the best news we got yesterday, even a corrupt and broken Supreme Court didn’t buy Trump’s bullshit efforts to conceal his Jan. 6 records. The National Archives is now free to start turning shit over to the Jan. 6 committee, which said in a statement last night that it already had a bunch of them. Trump is having a shitty week. It almost makes us feel better about the fact that democracy is too. Oh and can we talk for a second about Clarence Thomas dissenting?! Maybe the press should be talking more about the pro-insurrection Supreme Court justice. More: CNN

Fuuuuuuuuck

Well it’s official. Kyrsten Sinema and Joe Manchin told Americans of color to go fuck themselves, joining with McConnell and the Republican Party to preserve the filibuster and do nothing as states enact new Jim Crow laws. It was a brutal loss for democracy and for the Democratic Party. A big thank you to Democrats like Mark Kelly and Jon Tester who faced the same shit that Sinema and Manchin did but came through as heroes instead of racist scum. We have no idea what comes next, but we have a hunch it will be some bullshit. More: Huff Post, Washington Post, CNN

A good year

While the press is making fools of themselves, let’s talk about what a great year it actually was. The Biden White House got 210 million Americans vaccinated, 5 million Americans got health insurance, they created 6.4 million jobs and saw the unemployment rate drop to 3.9 percent and 96 percent of schools are open (h/t Joe’s twitter account). They even got Tom Hanks to do a thing talking about a year of recovery. It was a good year, and anyone who says different can go spit. More: Axios, CNN

Today’s clips

More than two years after she began investigating the business practices of Donald Trump, New York Attorney General Letitia James (D) submitted a 157-page filing Tuesday detailing much of the evidence her investigators have gathered so far on Trump and his adult children. More: Washington Post

A majority of Supreme Court justices on Wednesday cast doubt on a federal restriction involving candidates who loan large amounts of money to their own political campaigns.

After 90 minutes of courtroom argument, it appeared that the court was inclined to rule in favor of Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, who challenged the law after his last re-election victory. More: NBC News

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.