Today's Big Stuff 1.19.22

1.19.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 293 days until the midterm elections. The Empire State is coming for the Trump family, Biden goes big on COVID and Democrats go on the record on voting rights. 

Be advised: The cussing and typoes might be out of hand today as we’re pretty fucking fured up. 

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! Who’s in the mood for a pep talk from a smokin’ hot newsletter? Yep, that’s what’s burning your fingertips. Your ears are burning because we’re talking about you. Yeah you. The person who’s gonna save this fucked up country once again. 

It’s a lot for us to ask and we’d understand if you were like goddamnit TBS you’re super attractive and I want to help you out and save America but I just did that shit last year and then I got kicked in the soul junk by a couple of corrupt Democrats and a shitload of treasonous Republicans. Well, we hear you. Especially that first part about us being super attractive. It’s really nice of you, and we’re grateful. But the second part is where we gotta quibble. Even if we totally get it.

One of the many harsh realities of living in Orange Hell is that we don’t have the luxury of disappointment anymore. Is our own party often a timid dysfunctional clown car colliding with an overflowing port-a-potty? Of course it is. But it ain’t Matt Gaetz. And it ain’t Mitch McConnell. And it ain’t Jan. 6, and it ain’t Donald fucking Trump. So as long as it ain’t all those things — and as long as those are the other guys — then we gotta keep fighting to fix the shit that’s broke. And if that includes our own party, then we’ll fix that shit too. Even if it takes a little while. 

So we’re counting on you to keep working your ass off to save this wayward nation. It pays like shit, nobody ever says thank you and there’s a good chance you’ll lose to the dumbest most evil motherfuckers on the planet. But the America we dream of was never gonna be easy, and we eat dumb evil motherfuckers for breakfast. Y’all want some?  

Note two: Fired up? Well give it a few minutes. Sometimes those first notes are like pot brownies. You’re gonna want to give it like 45 minutes before you get impatient and take another one. 

Note three: It’s Dolly Parton’s birthday! One of the greatest Americans to ever live is 76 years young today, and we literally swoon just saying her name. If you’re due for a rewatch of 9 to 5, today is a good day for it. More: YouTube

Note four: Holy shit. Did y’all see Emily’s List tell Sinema that she’s about to lose their endorsement because she sucks on voting rights? Yeah, NARAL followed suit. Sinema thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. Everyone else seems to disagree. More: Axios

Note five: At least Arizona has one awesome senator. Sen. Mark Kelly announced this morning that he will support changing the filibuster if it means protecting voting rights. Thanks for being an actual Democrat, senator. Please either talk some sense into your colleague or take her with you the next time you go to space and leave her ass there. More: AZ Central

Note six: Dan Crenshaw does not seem like a cool guy. Or someone you’d want around kids. More: Rolling Stone

Note seven: The freaks at OANN seem to be handling their impending doom well. LOL. More: The Daily Beast

Note eight: Anybody buying this shit from these hand-wringing former Trumpers? Yeah, we aren’t either. More: CNN

Note nine: This is huge news and we probably should’ve put it in the news section, but Obamacare has now seen a record number of sign-ups under Joe Biden. Nice work, Mr. President. More: CNBC

Note 10: Maybe the mainstream media should take a look at a Supreme Court justice whose wife really seems to dig coup attempts. More: Raw Story

Note 11: Glenn Youngkin has been governor like 15 minutes and he’s already getting sued by some parents. More: Richmond.com

Note 12: Anybody else totally freaked out by the idea that 5G can fuck up our airplanes so badly? More: CNN

Note 13: How the hell have we never seen this video of Ted Lasso singing GNR’s Patience?! More: YouTube

Note 14: All these retiring Democrats make you nervous? Us too. But the good news is it clears the way to build a deeper bench. More: Washington Post

Note 15: George Romney did a lot for civil rights. Unfortunately he fathered a coward. More: Esquire

Note 16: This is the best ad we’ve seen all week. Also, who rolls this guy’s blunts and can you give them Sam’s number? More: Newsweek

Note 17: LOLOL. They subpoenaed the Four Seasons Fuck-Ups. Yeah, Rudy probably pooped out of his face again all over Jenna Ellis after they saw this shit. Sidney Powell has already said through an attorney that she’ll cooperate, but that she still believes there was fraud. Fuck off, Sidney. More: CNN

Note 18: LOLOLOL. And they got Don Jr. and Kim Guilfoyle’s phone records?! Oh this just keeps getting more hilarious. More: CNN

Note 19: Florida used to be for snowbirds. Now it’s for snowflakes. More: Associated Press

Note 20: Look, here’s a real simple rule for life — if Stevie Wonder asks you to do something, then you fucking do it. More: CNN

Note 21: Ok you super sexy rock star heroes of democracy, let’s get to the news! We hope y’all are having a great week, and we’re damn excited to see you tomorrow. Love y’all!

We heart New York

New York AG Letitia James is coming for the Trump family. In a court filing yesterday, James accused Donald, Junior and Ivanka of overstating valuations on financial statements. Yeah, these are felonies. And yeah, the Trumps are freaking out. Why are they freaking out? Well Eric plead the fifth more than 500 times. So yeah, they’re freaking out because they’re guilty as sin. More: ABC News, Washington Post, Huff Post

Go Joe

A year into his presidency, Biden is still fighting COVID and a Republican Party that wants Americans to get sick and die. So Joe is going big. Yesterday the website to get free tests went live a day early and did well. We’ve included the link below. Today the White House is announcing that Biden will be sending out 400 million free N95 masks. They’re throwing everything they’ve got at this shit, and we’re on board. They’re saying this wave has peaked. We say protect yourself and your family. More: New York Times, CNN, USPS

Show your cards

Despite the knives in our backs courtesy of Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema, the Senate is proceeding today with a vote on voting rights. Mitch McConnell is fucking furious. Manchin appears nervous. He’s now begging his colleagues to stay on the bill and not have a vote. It sure seems like the cowardly hillbilly doesn’t want to go on record as the piece of shit that he is. Oh and Sinema is basically missing so far today after skipping yesterday’s Senate Democratic luncheon. It’s gonna be an ugly day for democracy, but the people will know who is fighting for their rights and who is fighting to take them away. More: NPR

Today’s clips

The Wisconsin Supreme Court was scheduled to hear arguments Wednesday in a redistricting case that could determine political boundary lines in the battleground state for the next decade. More: Associated Press

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.