Today’s Big Stuff 11.4.22

November 04, 2022

Today’s Big Stuff 11.4.22

Happy Friday. There are four goddamn days until Election Day! The orange nightmare is coming back, Oprah comes through and another stellar jobs report from Dark Brandon.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like we’re four days from an election in a country where one party gets violent after they lose.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are you?! We are down to our last weekend before E-Day, and we are totally not coming apart! Ok, maybe not totally. Look, shit is really and truly fucked up, and being totally stressed out and scared shitless and mad as a goddamn hornet are all really damn appropriate things to feel right now.

And whatever you’re feeling, we can promise you you’re not alone. There are millions of us going through the same shit. But we’ve gone through other shit together too. After all, we’re the same people who brought hope and change in 2008, we’re the same people who brought a Blue Wave to the orange shitshow in 2018 and we’re the same people who put Joe Biden in the White House and flushed Trump down the outhouse. We’ve been here before. Sure we’re scared. But those dumb motherfuckers should be too.

So please give it your all this last weekend. Make the calls, knock on the doors, kiss the asses, do whatever the fuck it takes to bring this shit home. You know how to win. You’ve done it before. So let’s kick some ass and make some pundits cry. Y’all have a blessed day and fuck the haters.

Note two: This is Tim. Tim is a longtime Sexy Patriot. Tim is what gives fascist assholes nightmares. Thanks, Tim. And happy birthday!

Note three: If you haven’t seen, the judge in the case against the Trump Organization in New York appointed a monitor to oversee the business so Trump can’t fuck with it while Letitia James sues his ass to hell and back. He’s not taking it well, and it’s fucking hilarious. More: CNN

Note four: Speaking of judges being done with right-wing crackhead bullshit, Mike Lindell had a bad day yesterday. More: CBS

Note five: The Republican closing argument is all about how they’re going to go after the FBI and Hunter Biden. SO WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH INFLATION?! NO LINK BECAUSE NO REPORTER IS ASKING THIS

Note six: Want to see something absolutely fucking hilarious?

Note seven: Dude was tweeting with his Judicial Watch buddy this morning, he’s been trolling AOC and he spread a vicious anti-LGBTQ rumor about Speaker Pelosi’s husband and now he’s like how come nobody wants to play with me? We’re gonna miss twitter, but it sure is gonna be fun helping this shithead set his money on fire.

Note eight: To everyone who has been laid off at twitter, we want to say thanks for the good times. Y’all fucked up a lot of shit, but you also did a lot of good and you didn’t deserve to be treated like some rich kid asshole’s toys. More: CNN

Note nine: For those who have been asking, we don’t know where we’re headed when twitter dies. We’ve reserved Mastodon and Counter.Social accounts, we have an IG account and *BIG NEWS!!!* we’re working on a YouTube channel. If things go south with the blue bird, just find us here and we’ll let you know where we’re headed.

Note 10: This world is not good enough for Megan Rapinoe.

Note 11: A Miami Trump supporter was convicted of firing a gun at a Biden supporter on a jet ski, and that’s probably the most Florida shit we’ll write today. More: The Derrick

Note 12: Kyrie Irving has been suspended for being an antisemitic piece of shit. He finally apologized last night, but we’ll let you guess how sincere that is. More: ESPN

Note 13: Marjorie Taylor Gross got the crowd at an Iowa Trump rally to boo Paul Pelosi last night. The reason you’re not seeing it everywhere today is because the press simply doesn’t care. NO LINK

Note 14: Speaking of Paul Pelosi, he was released from the hospital yesterday and is recovering with his family. We’re sending lots of love to the Pelosi family. And lots of fuck yous to the scumbags delighting in their pain. More: The Guardian

Note 15: Which kid do we think Trump is talking about here? All of them except his daughter-crush, right?

Note 16: If you’ve seen those super racist ads Major League Baseball is apparently fine with, then you should know they came from eater-of-rat-carcasses Stephen Miller. We can see you’re very surprised by this. More: MSNBC

Note 17: Michigan Republicans damn near got the governor there kidnapped and killed. So naturally they’re handing out the personal cell phone numbers of Democratic candidates. Fucking terrorist scum. More: Detroit News

Note 18: Speaking of Michigan, Republicans there have a Herschel Walker too. More: NBC

Note 19: Put on your shocked faces because it turns out Joe Rogan was lying about that kitty-litter bullshit. Yeah, it’s stunning because he’s usually such a reputable newsman. More: Insider

Note 20: State Department officials were able to meet with Brittney Griner this week. We haven’t forgotten her. And we never will. More: NBC

Note 21: Ok SPs, let’s go do some news. We hope y’all are holding up ok. We know how tense this shit is. We’re feeling it too. But we’re all feeling it together, and there is both comfort and power in that. We love y’all, and we are endlessly fucking grateful for all that you do. Including reading this fucked up newsletter :)

Note 22: Don’t forget to set your clocks back this weekend! And here’s the Peanuts gang dancing to Outkast.

It’s real

So there are multiple reports this morning that Trump is planning to announce his bid for reelection a couple weeks after the midterms. It’s real, and we need to deal with it. We can’t hope for Merrick Garland to save us because that is clearly not going to fucking happen. So let’s start wrapping our brains around this awful shit, and let’s make sure the resistance is twice as fucking loud as it was the first time.

More: CNN

A Harpo Production

We love Oprah. Who doesn’t? We don’t love the assholes like Dr. Phil and “Dr.” Oz she introduced to the world. So we’ve been waiting and hoping like hell for this. Thanks, O!

Boom!

Dark Brandon is the greatest jobs president of all time. The October jobs report came out this morning and it once again beat expectations. The economy added 261,000 jobs last month, and wages are up 4.7 percent over the last year. The unemployment rate ticked up to 3.7 percent, but that’s not a bad thing. We’ve got a great fucking story to tell. And we’ve got four more fucking days to tell it.

Today’s clips

Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-Texas) revealed what election deniers actually say behind closed doors as a slew of reality-defying candidates run as Republicans in next week’s 2022 midterms.

“It was always a lie. The whole thing was always a lie. And it was a lie meant to rile people up,” the Texas Republican said of the lie that Donald Trump was cheated by widespread voter fraud in the 2020 election during the latest episode of his “Hold These Truths” podcast. More: HuffPost

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