Today's Big Stuff 1.1.22

1.1.2022

Happy New Year from Today’s Big Stuff!!!

There are 311 days until the midterm elections. 

Hey there, Sexy Patriots! We’ll get back to our regularly scheduled programming on Monday, but we wanted to drop you a line to wish you a Happy New Year in the meantime. 

We wanted to tell y’all that we’ve missed you and that we’re damn grateful to you for joining us this year and helping us keep this crazy sonofabitch newsletter rolling. 

We wanted to tell you how excited we are about the cool shit TBS has coming this year. 

And we wanted to share some good news/bad news with you. 

The good news is that the universe left a little gift on our porch called 2022. The bad news is that it’s a brown paper bag and that motherfucker is on fire. Yep, it’s the same gift we got every year since 2016. So would it be prudent or even just common goddamn sense to assume there’s a big pile of shit in that flaming bag? Of course it would. 

But think of the optimism and resolve it takes to not assume the worst. To instead wonder if there’s candy or money or Trump family indictments inside that flaming bag. We’ve sure been through it these last few years, and it’s hard to blame folks for fearing the worst. We’ve lost so much. Hell, we just lost Betty fucking White! And so yeah we get it if people say there’s really no reason to believe that this year will be better. 

But we’re gonna believe it anyway. 

It’s true that this could be the year that fucking ostrich pox or giraffe flu or some shit kills us all or the year that we lose American democracy forever. But it’s also true that this could be the year that we get our lives back or the year that we elect Stacey and Beto and enough Democrats that we can forget Joe Manchin’s miserable goddamn name. 

Because even though we’ve stepped in shit before, the truth of the matter is we don’t know what’s in that flaming bag. We might think we know what’s inside. We might be so sure we can smell it. We might be so sure that we’re about to chase the damn neighbor kids down the street with a goddamn rake. But we just can’t know for sure until we stomp that fucker out. And that little voice in your head that says “hey good lookin’, maybe it ain’t a bunch of poop in that there bag. Maybe it’s rose petals.” Well that voice is called hope, and it’s about the most important thing there is. So let’s be hopeful as we stomp on that bag. Let’s stomp with all our might and make sure that fucking fire is out. Even if it means we might end up covered in shit, it’s still better than the whole damn house burning down. 

We love y’all, and we hope you’ve had a wonderful holiday break. We’ll see y’all back here Monday, and then we can all get back to work saving the fucking world. 

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