Today's Big Stuff 11.12.21

11.12.21

Happy Friday! There are 361 days until the midterm elections. Trump defends the would-be Pence killers, Mark Meadows gives the Jan. 6 committee the finger and Lisa Murkowski announces she’s running again. 

Be advised: Hi there! Can we interest you in some cuss words and some typos? Well then you’re in lick. 

Note: We did it, sexy patriots! We got to the weekend, and goddamn it’s just about on time and maybe even a few minutes late. Before we all head off to party or get errands done or just stare at the walls until Monday we wanted to ask y’all a question — Um what the fuck is wrong with us? No, we’re not talking about the people behind this profane and twisted and smoking hot newsletter. We already know the very, very, very long answer to that question. No, we’re talking about the United States of America. Like, didn’t we use to be good and shit?

We’re not total dumbasses. We know America has pretty much always been doing some kind of shady evil shit to go along with all the good. But don’t we seem way more messed up now? Sorry to be bummers. We love our country very much. We do. We love it a lot. We love it like Ted Cruz loves sucking. But this Kyle Rittenhouse trial has us wondering how good America really is right now. Yeah, watching all these evil motherfuckers and this red-hatted, pants-shatted judge openly root for a man who drove to a different state and killed two people has really made us question some shit. Of course so did Jan. 6. And the whole Trump administration. Like all of it. Maybe it’s just a matter of perspective and things aren’t so grim and we’re really not surrounded by bloodthirsty cousin-fucking morons. Or maybe we always have been and they were just taking a coffee break that allowed us to imagine a nicer, kinder, better place. 

Or maybe it’s the America you’re looking at. Maybe it just seems like we’re circling the shitter because of the people we’re watching all the time. After all, the price of eternal vigilance is having to keep up with whatever gross shit Matt fucking Gaetz is up to. How could watching those sick fuckers all the time not warp our view of the country? What if we just spent all our time watching nice people do nice shit instead of these democracy-defiling freaks? Maybe then we’d remember that most of us are pretty fucking decent. We’d remember that most people out there are wonderful and awesome like you sexy patriots. We’d remember that America’s good outweighs her bad. So yeah, despite the really ugly shit we’ve seen this week, we’re choosing to have faith that America is good because there are still so many good Americans. Except Adam. Watch out for that dude. Y’all have a great weekend. More: CNN

Note two: Ok that was harsh. But he was supposed to bring coffee today and he totally fucking bricked it so he’s in timeout. 

Note three: Why the freaking fuck would the Washington Post run an op-ed by Mitch McConnell telling Democrats to not politicize the Supreme Court?! Why not run one from Mitch called “Why Democrats Shouldn’t Sell Their Souls And Bodies to Big Coal?” Or how about one called “Democrats Should Not Look Like Human-Turtle Hybrids?” More: NO GODDAMN LINK

Note four: We saw the new James Bond last night, and all we can say is holy shit. 

Note five: We missed something important yesterday. Thursday wasn’t just Veterans Day. It was, as President Biden pointed out, the first Veterans Day in 20 years that the U.S. isn’t at war. That seems like a really fucking great thing to us. Of course we don't work at Boeing or CNN. More: ABC News

Note six: If the squad was threatening violence and Speaker Pelosi was ignoring it, the press would literally talk about nothing else. So why is Kevin McCarthy getting  pass and why are weak ass stories like this the best we’re seeing? More: Associated Press

Note seven: Don’t call him Mayor Pete. Call him the Godfather. More: Reuters

Note eight: America is really proud of its racism these days and really done pretending to hide it. More: CNN

Note nine: Looks like we’re getting a new FDA commissioner. If Joe Manchin does’t fuck it up. More: CNN

Note 10: Did y’all see that ridiculous shit yesterday about Trump sending Ric Grenell into the world as his envoy ambassador whatever the fuck that means? The White House decided to just make fun of them, but this sure seems like Trump is trying to run a shadow presidency to us. Maybe we should do something about that. More: Yahoo News

Note 11: What a normal political party that threatens death to anyone who votes for roads and bridges. More: Buzzfeed News

Note 12: The Republican in New Jersey is finally conceding today. So congrats to us all. More: New York Times

Note 13: We wonder sometimes if the Trump years made us less human. And when we see someone like this die and realize we’ve run out of sympathy for this shit, we think the answer might be yes. Or maybe we’re just out of patience with stupid motherfuckers. More: Washington Post

Note 14: Republicans are hoping Trump will stay away from some 2022 races. Well now they know how we feel. More: CNN

Note 15: This is nuts. Injured U.S. troops were discouraged from applying for Purple Hearts because it might make Trump look bad. Thank god Biden is correcting this shit. More: MSNBC

Note 16: The president is headed to Detroit Rock City on Wednesday. More: Detroit News

Note 17: Which reminds us — we never thought we’d say this, but Gene Simmons really hit the nail on the head here. More: TMZ

Note 18: This is really smart. Those stories about wasting federal dollars are always brutal. More: Axios

Note 19: Ok, you amazing sexy patriots, let’s get to the news. We hope y’all had an awesome week, and we want to thank you for staying in this fight and keeping us optimistic about the number of good folks out there. Have a great weekend! Love y’all!

Well that’s fucked up

In an interview with Jon Karl, which was kept private so Karl could profit off of it in a book, Trump defended the terrorists he sent to hang Mike Pence. Yeah, there’s even audio and it’s brutal. Karl is like un they were saying Hang Mike Pence and Trump is like yeah they were angry and having a bad day so you can understand it. This isn’t even the worst part. The worst part is gonna be when Pence speaks on Trump’s behalf at the 2024 RNC. More: Axios

More bullshit

Former Trump chief of staff Mark Meadows is supposed to be giving a deposition to the Jan. 6 committee this morning. He is not. He’s claiming all kinds of privilege and confusion, which are the same assets he brought to his White House job. The committee is threatening a contempt vote, which is probably a very scary thing for Meadows considering it hasn’t meant a damn thing for Steve Bannon yet. Oh and an appeals court put a hold on Trump’s Jan. 6 records that were also supposed to be turned over today. The good news is the appeals panel is more friendly than we were hoping. The bad news is this is just more delay. More: CNN, Washington Post

Lisa’s in

Republican Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski announced today that she is running for re-election. Trump has made her one of his top targets after she voted with Democrats following Jan. 6, but she has taken on the Republican establishment and won before and we have a hard time seeing Trump dragging his ass all the way to Alaska. We don’t actually care all that much. Sure she comes around on some shit, but she’s still a Republican. More: Huff Post

Today’s clips

NO CLIPS HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND

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