Today's Big Stuff 11.11.21

11.11.21

It’s Thursday. There are 362 days until the midterm elections. A judge just keeps smacking down Trump over his Jan. 6 records, House Democrats want to censure Gosar and Biden will sign the infrastructure bill on Monday.

Be advised: If cussing and misspelling shit is wrong, then we don’t wunt to be right.

Note: Whoa! You know those times in your life when you’ve been awakened by the sun shining right in your eyes and you’re like holy shit that’s freaking bright?! Well that’s us right now but with your sexy patriotism as the sun. We’ll be right back. Gonna go put on some shades.

Ok, that’s much better. It’s Veterans Day, SPs! It’s a day when we recognize and applaud the sacrifices of those who put on the uniform to defend this country, its people and this democracy that we all cherish so much. Sure, we have disagreements, but on days like today we take a step back and remember the big picture. So let’s check in on how the other side is doing today and oh holy fucking shit!!! Murder and book-burning?! What the eff?! Ok so fuck everything we said about the big picture. ‘Cause the only picture we see right now is the one that shows Republicans embracing murder and book-burning. You know what? We’re gonna put that shit in caps because we want to make sure God can see it from her golf cart — REPUBLICANS ARE EMBRACING MURDER AND BOOK-BURNING.

Yeah, in Virginia, they’re doing what we warned they would do and building a bonfire for books that aren’t about white Jesus or orange Jesus, and all over the country, the lunatic right is cheering for Kyle Rittenhouse, the white supremacist Cabbage Patch Doll known as Annie Mae Double-Murderer. And when we say the lunatic right is cheering for that little shit, we’re of course talking about the judge in the trial. Seriously what the hell is happening?! We will say this — we were pretty sure that Rittenhouse was a racist right-winger all along. But then we saw him sobbing in public and that confirmed it. For a bunch of tough guys, they sure do cry a lot.

Anyhoo, so this Veterans Day things are suuuuuuuper fucked up. But we’re still grateful to everyone who served who helped us build this country that we’re trying so hard to save. Except for Tim McVeigh. Or Oswald. Or Ashli Babbit. Or Mike Flynn. You know what? We’re not gonna do this. We love our vets, and we’re damn grateful they loved America. Y’all have a great day. And watch out for people who endorse MURDER AND BOOK-BURNING. JFC. More: Washington Post, Washington Post II, Washington Post III, Associated Press

Note two: Probably our favorite part about doing this newsletter — other than jokes about Rudy Giuliani shitting out of his forehead — is the emails we get from y’all. And to the person who wrote to tell us that they love TBS but they don’t like the cussing, we just want to say bless you. We’re so darn grateful you’ve stayed with us. We’re not sure how you get through an issue because man there is a lot of cussing in this thang but we sure appreciate it.

Note three: It’s been a ho-hum week and it’s been a long time since we broke this out. But it always puts a smile on our faces and longtime subscribers know we’ve been dropping it here since the beginning. Ladies and gentlemen, the Peanuts dancing to Outkast. More: YouTube

Note four: So hey, Virginians, just curious but did y’all just forget this shit happened in your front goddamn yard? More: Washington Post

Note five: Need a bright spot when looking ahead to next year’s Senate races? Well the good news is that Republicans are struggling to find moderate or even normal candidates. The bad news is that deranged pieces of shit are getting elected a lot these days. More: NBC News

Note six: Trump is openly endorsing the craziest people in his party. Remember when the NYT wrote a story about Biden’s watch being too nice? More: Vice

Note seven: Ok so this is an important one. We finally got a real sentence in a Jan. 6 case. This Jersey d-bag who assaulted Capitol cops got 41 months yesterday. We were gonna send him a cake with a file in it then we remembered he can fuck off. More: CNN, Raw Story

Note eight: Chris Christie is shit-talking Trump. We know how this movie ends — with Christie rubbing Trump’s feet at Mar-a-Lago and Trump screaming at Christie because he keeps tickling him. More: Axios

Note nine: Madison Cawthorn is changing districts. Say a prayer for all the trees there that are about to get punched. More: News Observer

Note 10: If the Jan. 6 committee ever gets tough, it’s gonna be delicious to watch Pence and his team squirm. More: CNN

Note 11: For some reason Sam got a blue checkmark on twitter yesterday. And of course he won’t shut the fuck up about it. He told the barista! Can you imagine what that poor kid must’ve been thinking? Like cool bro so do you want that iced or hot and do you need a hug or some shit? Anyway, if you want to follow him he’s @samyoungman

Note 12: We don’t want to say it, but COVID ain’t gone. Ain’t even pretending to be gone. Get your shots. Get your booster. Wear your mask. And stay the fuck away from dumbasses who don’t do any of the above. More: Washington Post

Note 13: We really don’t talk enough about how violence against women is really a common theme among Trumpers at the highest levels. Do we think it’s because women are always treated like shit and marginalized or because Trumpers want to be violent with everyone? More: TPM

Note 14: Is Kyle Rittenhouse still crying?

Note 15: This is a story about how the media missed a Republican candidate’s racism. Um, because they’ve been practicing at it for years? More: Washington Post

Note 16: Congrats to the children of Texas who can now be protected from COVID and their governor. More: Washington Post

Note 17: So we are skeptical by nature, but it does seem like a good thing that China is saying this stuff with us. Of course it’s always risky to believe a communist country that’s engaged in genocide. More: Washington Post

Note 18: We know y’all know this, but please don’t forget that there is another very, very important trial happening down in Georgia right now. More: CNN

Note 19: We did that thing yesterday where we spent the whole day thinking it was Thursday. Did the time change make anyone else a depressed maniac? Yeah, us neither.

Note 20: Ok, sexy patriots, let’s get to the news. But before we do, we want to apologize for today’s edition. We accidentally sent it out without any jokes in it. This happens occasionally, and we regret the mistake. We will aim to do better tomorrow. Love y’all!

No soup

Trump keeps begging a judge to stop his Jan. 6 records from being turned over to the committee and the judge keeps telling him to fuck off. They are due to be turned over by tomorrow. However, it sure looks like the appeal is about to land in front of some of Trump’s friendlier judges on the DC Circuit. Hell, they could’ve saved his bullshit delay strategy by the time this hits your inbox. More: CNN

Censure his ass

A group of House Democrats are going to introduce a resolution to censure Rep. Paul Gosar, the domestic terrorist who put out a video of him killing AOC and President Biden. We’re not real sure if this thing will get legs or not, but we’re glad they’re not letting it go. More: NBC News

Infrastructure Monday

Joe Biden hit the road to Baltimore yesterday to talk about what his agenda is doing for Americans, but the big show comes on Monday. That’s when Biden will sign his infrastructure bill into law. He’s doing it with a bipartisan crowd to show he can work with Republicans to get stuff done. That part doesn’t mean shit to us, but we know it makes him happy. Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll throw in a dig about how it’s nice to see them building bridges instead of rubbing their shit on the walls of the Capitol. More: ABC News

Today’s clips

The number of people who became naturalized US citizens rebounded in fiscal year 2021 after the Covid-19 pandemic previously had prompted office closures and service disruptions for US Citizenship and Immigration Services. More: CNN

US Secretary of State Antony Blinken said Wednesday that the United States is "concerned by reports of unusual Russian military activity" and the possibility that Russia may be "attempting to rehash" its 2014 invasion of Ukraine. More: CNN

Domestic extremists continue to exploit false narratives to promote violence online, calling for attacks on members of Congress and public health and school officials, even as they share information about how to build bombs, according to a new intelligence bulletin by the Department of Homeland Security that paints a picture of persistent danger. More: NBC News

The U.S. is now part of an international agreement on cybersecurity that the Trump administration declined to sign up for, Vice President Kamala Harris announced in Paris Wednesday. More: Axios

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