Today’s Big Stuff 10.3.22

Today’s Big Stuff 10.3.22

It’s Monday. There are 36 days until the midterm elections (and early voting is like right freaking here!). Mitch McConnell takes marital advice from Ted Cruz, a broken and corrupt SCOTUS returns to eff up our lives some more and Texas really needs a new AG. 

Be advised: This newsletter would stop using obscene language if shit would stop being all fucked up.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We missed y’all! Now we’re back and we’ve got just a matter of weeks to save this sinking country from Ted Cruz and his merry band of Trump-humping treason weasels. You can tell the fate of the free world is once again hanging in the balance because everyone seems to be losing their shit more than normal. Or is that just us?

Either way, we were gonna make this morning’s note a long and horrifying reminder of every anti-American pig-fucking shit-eating ass-for-brains scumbag who wants to destroy our democracy. But then we remembered we do that pretty much every day and we decided to go another route. We know who and what is on the other side. But don’t forget who and what is on your side…

And here’s Willie Nelson campaigning with Beto who got love from Harry Styles last night…

Goddamn we love that man. Getting real dusty in here. Anyway, we just wanted to remind you that you’re not alone in your fight for what’s right and good. In fact, you’re on a pretty fucking awesome team of Sexy Patriots and other super cool people. And in five weeks, we’re all gonna save this country. 

Note two: Can you imagine being on the same side of something as Ted Cruz and enemies with Willie fucking Nelson? Like how is that not the warning sign of all warning signs that you’ve fucked up and fallen in with a bad crowd?

Note three: As we speak President Biden and the First Lady are on their way to Puerto Rico. Even as Florida goes through hell, Biden has made clear he won’t forget about Puerto Rico and we’re guessing he also won’t pelt them with paper towels. More: Yahoo

Note four: Do you have a voting plan yet? Do you know when early voting starts in your state? Do you have a plan to help others make their plan? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Just making sure you’re still paying attention.

Note five: Did you see CPAC tweet and then delete Russian talking points about annexing Ukrainian territory? Yeah, Putin has taken over the Republican Party. Fortunately for us, Putin is a giant fucking loser. More: Washington Post

Note six: RIP to Sacheen Littlefeather, the Native American who turned down Marlon Brando’s Academy Award for him. More: NPR

Note seven: Rolling Stone talked to Michael Fanone, and it is a must-read.

Note eight: Holy freaking shit! Brett Favre hired an attorney. And it’s a Trump lawyer from the Jan. 6 hearings. More: Axios

Note nine: LOLOL! Even this super fucking broken Supreme Court told Mike Lindell to go smoke some crack and shut the fuck up. More: NBC News

Note 10: The Jan. 6 terrorists want to be transferred to Gitmo. Works for us. More: Vice

Note 11: The New York Times found Ron DeSantis’s coyote “Perla.” She’s former Army medic and counter-intel agent who apparently didn’t learn to not use her real fucking name. We’d ask if people are going to jail for this but Roger Stone is still free so we assume there is no jail anymore. More: NY Times

Note 12: It probably won’t come as a surprise to y’all that we love us some Weird Al. Especially when he’s making fun of the racist assfaces who came for Lizzo. 

Note 13: Looks like Brazil is dealing with some bullshit too. Bolsonaro and Lula are headed to a run-off. It’s really fucking scary how many people around the world are way into dumbshit dictators. More: NPR

Note 14: This is what’s at stake in these midterm elections. We have to protect kids like this from the Republican Party. More: KOLD

Note 15: Remember Cory Lewandowski? He was Trump’s campaign manager who assaulted a female reporter while most of the political press pretended he didn’t. Well he just took a plea deal after he had stalked and made fucked up sexual comments to a donor’s wife. More: HuffPost

Note 16: A great big happy birthday to former President Jimmy Carter. We listened to a shitload of Allman Brothers this weekend in his honor.

Note 17: Isn’t it weird how Republicans keep hanging out with white nationalists? Or is that like saying isn’t it weird how fish hang out with water? More: CNN

Note 18: Ok, well this is just the perfect goddamn cure for the Mondays…

Note 19: The SEC is going after Kim Kardashian. She should’ve just attacked the Capitol. She wouldn’t have to worry about this shit. More: CNN

Note 20: Alrighty, you gorgeous SPs, let’s go do some news. We’re so glad to be back with you, and we just know this is gonna be a kick-ass week. Love y’all!

Marriage counseling

On Friday, Trump fired his most intense shot yet at Mitch McConnell, attacking him in all manner of ways and then going full racist as he attacked McConnell’s wife “Coco Chow.” Yikes. Yeah, Trump hates McConnell like we hate McConnell, which is a weird place to be. Mitch of course just took it like the spineless gutless turtle shit that he is. Rick Scott wouldn’t even condemn it on the Sunday shows. This is what the GOP is now — a gameshow host insults your spouse in front of the whole world and you prove you’re a good American by just taking it. Losers.

More: NBC News

GROSS-US

So that wasn’t really that clever, but this court is super fucking gross. Yeah, SCOTUS is back hearing oral arguments, and while we’re damn excited to see Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson on the bench, we’re also bracing for the rest of those corrupt fuckers to finish off American democracy. Buckle up, everybody! 

More: CNN

Yikes

We’re really hoping Texans are tired of the lights going out and all the other shit that comes with electing shithead criminals who use culture wars to distract from their incompetence. Nobody personifies this more than Texas AG Ken Paxton who the AP reports can’t even prosecute human-trafficking and child sexual assault cases because he keeps fucking up. He even lost track of one of the victims! Come on, Texas. Let’s get it together. 

More: AP News

Today’s clips

The Supreme Court said Monday it will hear two cases seeking to hold social media companies financially responsible for terrorist attacks. More: HuffPost

Iran’s supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei responded publicly on Monday to the biggest protests in Iran in years, breaking weeks of silence to condemn what he called “rioting” and accuse the United States and Israel of planning the protests. More: AP News

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