Today's Big Stuff 10.29.21

October 29, 2021

10.29.21

Happy Friday (and Happy early Halloween 🎃 👻 )! There are four freaking days until this year’s elections and 375 days until the midterms. Nobody trusts Manchin or Sinema for shit, scared straight in Virginia and the president meets the Pope. 

EXCLUSIVE: Y’all, this kinda thing never happens to us. We have something huge to share with you. THE Rachel Vindman has written an oped for our website TodaysBigStuff.com and folks, get it while it’s hot. And it is hot! Enormous thanks to Rachel and her family for all they’ve done for this country. 

Be advised: If you find cuss words and typos to be spooky, then you might want to find another newsletter to celebrate Hallowayne with. 

Note: Hey there, sexiest patriots ever! Or should we say scariest patriots ever? You know, because Halloween. Don’t look at us like that. We’re trying to get into the spirit of this shit. We got a fucking jack-o-lantern and everything. Actually it’s a Marjorie Lantern. We just scooped out the brains and integrity and dropped in a piling steam of dog shit with a lit candle and it was good to go. Scared every kid running screaming away from our front door. Yes it’s that magical time of year again when kids go out looking for candy and mischief, Matt Gaetz does the same but for different and unspeakable reasons and dumbasses everywhere think blackface is ok for a night (It most certainly fucking is not). To get in the right frame of mind, we’ve been sitting here wondering what’s scarier this weekend — Terry McAuliffe losing Tuesday or the return of the Not-Great Pumpkin.

Trump’s website flub and looming 2024 announcement (Trump accidentally posted a misspelled site that said an announcement is coming 11/4) certainly freaked us the fudge out to the point that Sam had to change pants, but we’re going with Terry losing as the more terrifying option for now. We’ll talk more in the news section about why we’re soiling ourselves just a smidge, but for now let’s just bring that one on home, shall we? Sound good? Ok cool. 

Oh and one other thing while we’re talking about Halloween and assholes, thank you to Mittens Romney for ruining Ted fucking Lasso. Seriously, Richie Rich, you couldn’t just let us decent peasants have that? You had to go and get Mitt all over it? And the whole Sinema photo-op made us throw up in our silkwood showers. Why are y’all so gross? And who’s the sick serial killer who came up with that idea and how we can blast them into space or lock them away forever? Goddamnit where’s the candy? Better give us the shit that’s been laced. 

We hope y’all have an awesome weekend filled with fun, frights, tricks, treats and working your mothereffing asses off for Democrats. Love y’all! More: Bloomberg

Note two: Also, if you don’t celebrate Halloween, then we hope you just have a great weekend.

Note three: We’re not gonna link to it, but we were laughing to see the Wall Street Journal debunk a bunch of Trump’s lies that they printed and then claim liberals shouldn’t get so worked up that they printed lies. Reminder to the assholes at the WSJ — Trump tried to overthrow the government with those lies and 140 cops were beaten in the attack. Fuckers.

Note four: So Facebook rebranded. Don’t worry, they’re still the same company that tells you when people’s birthdays are and promotes genocide, but now they do it as Meta. We doubt it will take. Like Zuckerberg’s attempts to rebrand himself as a non-virgin. More: Washington Post, Vice

Note five: This article says the Jan. 6 committee is running out of patience with Mark Meadows. Um, why the fuck did they have any patience with that traitor to begin with? More: CNN

Note six: We as a party might not be very good at politics. Republicans have embraced death threats and violence as a strategy and we’re somehow losing the messaging on that. More: Associated Press

Note seven: There is no daylight between the Jan. 6 terrorists and the Republican Party. None. So why don’t we act like it? More: CNN

Note eight: Neil Cavuto is getting death threats for saying he has COVID. We’d send thoughts and prayers, but that asshole can buy his own with that Fox News blood money. More: NPR

Note nine: Andrew Cuomo has been charged with a misdemeanor. That’s all? Oh well, time for this dude to go the eff away. More: Law and Crime

Note 10: Remember when Ohio was kind of a normal place and a battleground state? More: Dispatch

Note 11: We’re not the first to say it, but these vaccine mandates are really helping us as a society weed out the selfish dumbfucks. More: CNN

Note 12: What’s the opposite of breaking news? Ron DeSantis is a dick. More: The Daily Beast

Note 13: It seems like at least once a week a federal judge asks DOJ why they’re doing such a shitty job prosecuting the Jan. 6 terrorists. Seriously why are we so bad at this? More: CNN

Note 14: QAnon Republicans are stealing voting machines. Y’all got to tell us how an infrastructure bill is gonna fix this shit. More: Bridge MI

Note 15: Every once in a while we see something that’s like oh yeah Biden is trying to restore America’s soul and reputation and we’re surprised because it’s nice that he still cares about that stuff. More: Washington Post

Note 16: Best of luck to Nick Kristof, one of the few people at the NYT we don’t cuss out on a regular basis. More: New York Times

Note 17: Are y’all dressing up for Halloween? Are you dressing up your pets? Send us ideas and pictures. We love that shit.

Note 18: Also, can you believe Rachel Vindman wrote something for our website?! How freaking cool is that?!

Note 19: Ok, you sexy ass patriots, let’s get to the news and then let’s get to the candy. We love y’all so much, and we’re so grateful you’ve joined us. Let’s have a kick-ass weekend, shall we?

Oops

So yesterday started with Speaker Pelosi saying they were voting on infrastructure and the White House releasing a framework that all Democrats were supposed to agree to. But all goddamn day long, neither Manchin nor Sinema would agree to vote for the framework. They said people should trust them. And because House progressives are smart people, they most certainly do not trust those corrupt corporate assholes. And so once again, there were no votes, there is no package, there’s nothing to run on in the closing days of the Virginia race and the president left for overseas empty-handed. This has gotten pretty fucking embarrassing. And the people to blame are Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema. More: Washington Post, Yahoo News

Now that’s scary

So Fox News is absolute garbage. But Fox polls are usually pretty sound. So we totally freaking pisssed ourselves yesterday when Fox put out a poll showing Glenn Youngkin winning Virginia by 8 points. Yeah, that’s why we were freaked in the opening note. Now for a bit of good news — WaPo has a new poll out this morning that shows McAuliffe winning 49-48. But y’all, that’s still too close. So let’s really close out strong. Go team! More: Washington Post, NO FOX LINK

Go Joe

So we thought we’d close today on a fun note. President Biden met with the Pope this morning. And when they were done, Biden said “God love ya’.” To the Pope. We don’t know why, but that has been making us laugh for like an hour now. So as Joe would say, God love ya’, sexy patriots. More: Washington Post

Today’s clips

The US Department of Education filed a complaint Thursday against Florida's Education Department for its decision to reduce funding for certain school districts amid an ongoing battle over school mask mandate policies. More: CNN

After Rep. Jeff Fortenberry (R-NE) was indicted last week for lying to the FBI over foreign donations to his campaign, authorities took the rare step Thursday of trying to prevent the nine-term Republican from tampering with witnesses or handling evidence without supervision. More: The Daily Beast

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