Today's Big Stuff 10.27.21

10.27.21

It’s Wednesday. There are six days(!!!) until this year’s elections and 377 days until the midterm elections. The American justice system is horribly broken, some great pandemic news and wondering if Democrats are actually gonna tax billionaire a-holes.

Be advised: We’re better at cussin’ than we are at spellin’ so some shet around here looks a little messed up.

Note: Well howdy, sexy patriots! Are you having a sexy day? We knew you were. Us? Same. Always. And it’s Hump Day, so you know what that means. Whoaaaaa. Wow. We were not expecting that response. Goodness. Get your minds out of the gutter! Oh no wait, we forgot. This is America in 2021. Put your minds back in the gutter and then drag them through that same sewer pipe from the end of Shawshank and then you’ll be in the right frame of mind for how we’re all living these days. No, you rascals, we were going to say it’s Hump Day so that means we’re halfway to the weekend. And frankly, we’re ready for it to get here.

There are just some weeks when you just want to scream like that viral screaming goat from a few years ago, take off all your clothes, fling them in the air and just run off down the street leaving your family, civilization and your mind behind you. Spend the rest of your life pretending to be a panda bear or some shit. Just blissfully checked out and fully embracing the madness. And if we’re honest about it, the endless idiotic blatherings of Marjorie Taylor Dumbfuck have just about pushed us there this week. We’ve got both shoes off and one sock, and we’ve been doing that goddamn goat scream involuntarily for the last two hours. Sigh.

The latest blob of gelatinous horseshit to come out of her anusmouth is to say that the Declaration of Independence made the Jan. 6 attack ok. Yeah, she actually tried to tell us she got a note from her forefathers. So just real quick — or slowly for Marjorie and her ilk — no, literally nothing in ANY of the founding documents made that shit ok. Quite the contrary. And no, we don’t care what’s written on your laminated Denny’s menu or your obviously fake “vaccene” card with glitter and stickers and shit on it. It was a terrorist attack on the United States. A violent attempt to overthrow our government, the very government established by a lot of those Declaration folks. And you, Marjorie, will never be allowed to forget that you encouraged it, you welcomed it and you betrayed your country. Also seriously just what the effing fuck is wrong with you?!

Ok. Thanks for letting us vent. We feel better. We’re even putting our shoes back on. Still bleat-screaming though. It’ll probably go away. We hope. Have a Happy Hump Day, everybody! More: Washington Post

Note two: On a semi-serious note, things are really, really fucked up these days. Mental health and taking some time for self-care are super damn important. You’re living through some unprecedented and truly challenging bordering on impossible times. And you’re doing great. But please make sure you’re taking care of you. We recommend cussing as a release. Like lots and lots and lots of cussing.

Note three: Fuck. Shit. Goddamnit. Motherfucker.

Note four: So should we talk about politics today, TBS, or you want to keep acting the fool and being hot as hell? Yes! Let’s get to it. Texas approved a wildly racist gerrymandered redistricting map, and so Democratic super lawyer Marc Elias is suing them. He’s actually having to do this a lot. Godspeed, Marc! More: Washington Post

Note five: Did y’all see Lindsey Graham and Megan McCain are feuding? Like a fart arguing with a turd over which one stinks the most.

Note six: Sorry, but we already knew this shit and we stopped caring about what Birx said a very, very long time ago. More: Washington Post

Note seven: There’s so much talk about what the Biden administration hasn’t done, we sometimes overlook the big shit they have done. A lot of broken glass in Washington these days. More: NPR, CNN

Note eight: It is endlessly crazy to us that the Republican Party as a whole has decided that violence in politics is just fine and dandy and then the press is like hey what do you think of Afghanistan? More: CNN

Note nine: Y’all know us. We are nothing if not romantics. And we freaking love shit like this. Best wishes to the happy couple. More: People

Note 10: So we really, really want to believe that accountability is coming for Trump. But it’s hard to keep that faith when DeJoy still has a job and the Trump tax cuts aren’t going anywhere. More: Bloomberg

Note 11: Lock. Them. Up. More: CNBC

Note 12: This is one of those big if true kinda deals. If Democrats can actually pass this effort to fight climate change, it will be a big goddamn deal. Of course it sucks that coal corrupted dirtbag Joe Manchin is wrecking the clean electricity plan, but let’s not sleep on this. More: Axios

Note 13: That dirtbag lawyer who wanted to overthrow the government and confessed to Laura Windsor last weekend is about to get his treasonous ass hauled before Congress. More: Washington Post

Note 14: NY Mag says Bidenomics is working. It sure as hell seems that way. More: NY Mag

Note 15: And over in LA Mag, Sam wrote something kinda different. If you need a break from reading about politics, this story is about how one woman in LA needed a community. So she used basketball to build her own. More: LA Magazine

Note 16: Mitch McConnell endorses man who likes to get violent with women. Seriously why the fuck is this not a bigger story? More: CNN

Note 17: Piss off the media. Win in Virginia. More: Press Run

Note 18: Ted Cruz was cited by the Jan. 6 terrorists as being “with us.” He has never for one second stopped sabotaging the U.S. government. Maybe someone should fucking as him about it. More: Washington Post

Note 19: We hate the way Meghan Markle is always attacked. Really gives us a sad. All those bots could be attacking Megan McCain goddamnit. More: Buzzfeed News

Note 20: So we have to talk some shit for a minute. You notice how we’re not sponsored by Facebook, the company that helps with genocide and the death of democracies? Well Politico Playbook can’t say the same today. Yes, they are actually sponsored by Facebook today. Like how the eff is this country supposed to work when media organizations are more crooked than the goddamn politicians?! Thank you for making it possible for us to stay clean. Or as clean as we get. And fuck Politico.

Note 21: Ok, you badass mofos, let’s do some news. Didn’t the opening notes used to be way shorter? Oh well. We hope you have a lovely Hump Day, and we can’t wait to see you here tomorrow. Love y’all!

What the eff?

So America is a broken goddamn mess. The judge overseeing the Kyle Rittenhouse case says that the two men Rittenhouse murdered can’t be referred to as victims. They can, however, be referred to as “rioters,” “looters” and “arsonists.” Yeah, the judge clearly favors the pasty-faced killer, and justice damn well may not be on the table for Anthony Huber and Joseph Rosenbaum. More: Washington Post, Esquire, USA Today

Woohoo!

So some good news for a change. New cases of COVID are down about 60 percent since we got smacked with the Delta variant. Yeah, vaccines fucking work and so do vaccine mandates. So yeah, while Fox News, the MSM and Red State assholes try to keep this pandemic going forever, we’re still beating this shit back. Oh and consumer confidence is starting to rise again too. Funny how that works. More: Washington Post, Bloomberg

So are we doing this?

No, no we are not. Despite spending last night at the White House, Joe Manchin this morning once again took a giant shit on Democratic plans. The most recent plan — to tax the 700 billionaire assholes who are getting obscenely richer every fucking day — ran into Manchin today, and now he doesn’t want to punish the people who very clearly own him. Fuuuuuuck. We have no idea what’s going to happen, we have no idea how some watered down bullshit bill is supposed to save democracy and we have no idea why so many fucking assholes in our own party are trying to destroy us. But we do know that the good folks we elected aren’t going to stop trying. And today, that just might have to be enough. More: NBC News

Today’s clips

At least five former Trump administration staffers have voluntarily spoken with the House committee investigating the January 6 attack on the US Capitol, CNN has learned. More: CNN

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