Today’s Big Stuff 10.25.22

Today’s Big Stuff 10.25.22

It’s Tuesday. There are two weeks until Election Day. Clarence Thomas does a favor for his friend Lindsey, Kanye is having a bad day and crappy news out of Russia.

Be advised: This newsletter contains profanity, but only in the parts with words.

Note: Well howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the eff are you today? LOL. Yeah, we’re nervous wrecks too. But that’s ok because we’ve got y’all to help us through it. That's right — it’s a cheesy sentimental day here at TBS.

Y’all know our origin story — we started this for six people to share the big news of the day, vent some anger and fear and make ourselves laugh. It was a coping newsletter. Then, in early 2020, we got an email from a reader who told us that our jokes and obscenities were helping her get through Trumpland. It changed everything. Suddenly our newsletter had purpose — to help folks through the bullshit nightmare. As those emails kept coming and democracy kept teetering and Trump kept sucking goat balls, we realized that y’all were helping us get through the shit too. Now we are well more than 100,000 strong, and we’ve all totally gotten better looking.

So today’s opening note is just a giant fucking THANK YOU to the sexiest goddamn patriots who ever walked this sexy goddamn earth. We’ve done big things these last couple of years thanks to y’all, and we’re not done by a damn stretch. So thanks for keeping us going, thanks for keeping us fighting and thanks for keeping us cussing. We love y’all.

Note two: Ok, that’s enough mushy shit. Did y’all see Charlie Crist break Ron DeSantis? Dude’s little brain just stopped working. Kinda like his little…

Note three: Joe Biden is getting his new COVID shot today. Did you get yours?

Note four: Lindsey Graham keeps campaigning with Herschel Walker in Georgia. That’s because a gutless ass-kissing out-of-touch press corps genuinely doesn’t give a shit that Lindsey tried to have thousands of Black voters thrown out in Georgia. What a fucking disgrace. NO LINK

Note five: The thing about fascism is it creates brave heroes out of everyday folks. Look at how frightened those cowards are. They’re lucky she didn’t kick their asses.

Note six: Did anyone watch President Obama with the Mannings on Monday Night Football last night? The story about him giving Peyton a mulligan on the golf course was pretty funny. More: Sports Illustrated

Note seven: We’ll talk more about this in a second, but fuck Kanye.

Note eight: So the last fucking thing we want to do two weeks out from a critical election is fight with our own party. But that’s exactly what we had to do yesterday after 30 House Progressives signed a letter asking President Biden to negotiate with Russia over Ukraine. We honestly can’t imagine what fucking genius thought it was smart to send such an easily muddled and counterproducting message this close to an election, but we were heartened to see them walk it back and reaffirm their support for Ukrainians who are fighting for their freedom against the forces of evil. More: The Week

Note nine: Republicans are very openly threatening to crash the economy if they don’t get to wreck social security and medicare. President Biden is sounding the warning, but a press corps that said Roe would never be overturned just doesn’t seem to think Republicans are serious. More: Washington Post

Note 10: The Proud Boys came to Penn State. The students sent them home. We are not afraid of Proud Boys.

Note 11: We want to take a second to remember Jean Kuczka, a St. Louis teacher who was shot and killed protecting her students yesterday. We’d also like to take a second to tell everyone who values their fucking gun over this brave woman’s life to eat shit, go fuck themselves and then drive off a fucking bridge. More: St. Louis Today

Note 12: We’re still laughing that Tucker Carlson’s weasel kid is named Buckley.

Note 13: Remember Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman? We forgot too. They were too con artists who thrived during the Trump years, luring a gullible D.C. press to their cheap stunts. And yesterday they pleaded guilty to felonies because they are fucking scumbags. And now we remember them. More: Cleveland.com

Note 14: Yesterday Marco Rubio was crying about his staffer being assaulted for no other reason than he was a Republican. Then we found out that the dude is actually a well-known racist asshole and the cops didn’t see any political motivation. No surprise that Liddle Marco is a big liar. More: The Daily Beast

Note 15: Dave Matthews and Tim Ryan sounds like a pretty awesome combination.

Note 16: Ron Johnson is a tax cheat too? Gosh. He seemed like such a honest piece of shit. More: WKOW

Note 17: A couple of RIPs today. First, Obama defense secretary Ash Carter. And of course we were crushed to hear of Leslie Jordan’s death. Fellas has had us cracking up since Designing Women.

Note 18: Not funny — Mitch McConnell has spent $219 million in eight states, and $110 million of that has gone to Georgia, Pennsylvania and Ohio. More: Idea Stream

Note 19: Funny — His own party still hates him almost as much as we do. More: Washington Post

Note 20: Ok, SPs, let’s go do some freaking news. We know shit is fucking insane right now, but fucking insane has been our new home address since 2016. You got this. Hang in there, and we'll be right here with you. Being sexy as all hell. Have a blessed day.

Absolute bullshit

Yesterday Clarence Thomas issued an administrative stay that saved Lindsey Graham from having to testify in Georgia. Now all the SCOTUS experts rushed to twitter to tell us that this is perfectly normal and just routine before the whole court decides. We say bullshit. Nothing about this crap is normal. Maybe all those experts forgot that CLARENCE IS MARRIED TO A FUCKING INSURRECTIONIST! Hard to imagine why so many Americans have lost all faith in this broken and corrupt court.

More: CNN

About fucking time

This morning Adidas announced that it is cutting ties with Kanye. It took them two fucking weeks to make this decision, during which time their stock got wrecked and millions learned about their Nazi origins. If you’re in crisis communications, this was a textbook on what not to do. Also, why was everyone fine with him saying centuries of slavery was a choice? Anyway, fuck Ye and fuck Adidas.

More: CNN

Goddamnit

Today the joke Russian judicial system upheld Brittney Griner’s 9-year sentence in a labor camp. This was always going to happen because she is a political prisoner and Russia doesn’t have real trials. The president immediately reiterated his call for Griners’ release, and we do believe they are working their asses off to get her home if for no other reason then they know the WNBA is the same political force that took out Kelly Loeffler’s sorry ass. We’re sending love to Brittney and her family. Let’s get her home.

More: ESPN

Today’s clips

The Justice Department on Monday defended the legality of President Joe Biden’s student loan forgiveness plan, while a court weighs in on an effort by six Republican-led states to block the action. More: HuffPost

Fox News’ Tucker Carlson flirted with QAnon conspiracies on Monday, suggesting that the Democratic Party was a “child sacrifice cult” because its donors were trying to protect women’s reproductive rights. More: HuffPost

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