Today's Big Stuff 10.21.22

10.21.22

Happy Friday. There are 18 days until Election Day. A DeSantis victim gets his charge dismissed, Biden’s student loan relief survives two GOP challenges and the US really needs to stop Elon Moscow. 

Be advised: This newsletter cusses a lot. It can do other things too, but that’s kind of our specialty. 

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! We made it to the weekend! Y’all gonna be knocking on doors and making calls and texts and just generally kicking ass to try and save democracy? Awesome! We love the way y’all love America, and besides, there are way worse ways to spend a weekend. Lindsey Graham, for example, is planning to spend the weekend crying and sharting his shorts after the 11th Circuit said he has to appear before a Georgia grand jury. More: ABC News

So last night, we sat down and did something we’ve been wanting to do for a while — we wrote some new lyrics to “Devil Went Down to Georgia.” The guy who originally sang it is a real piece of shit, so that makes this desecration even more fun. So here are the first few verses of “Dingus Went Down to Georgia.”

The dingus went down to Georgia he was lookin’ for an election to steal

He was in a bind because he kissed behind and ate Trump shit like a meal 

When he came across the orange man losing Georgia and said let’s not 

He called the SOS on the phone and said boy lemme tell you what 

I guess you didn’t know it but I’m a crooked shithead too

And I’ll bet a toilet of gold where I flushed my soul 

We can turn the US into poo 

The boy said my name’s Raffensperger and it might be a sin 

But I’m not doing that shit because I bet it’ll land me in the pen 

Lindsey rosin up your lips and kiss that ass real hard 

‘Cause hell’s broke loose in Georgia and Fani holds the cards 

And If you win you’ll throw thousands of votes in the trash

And if you lose you’ll just kiss more ass 

That’s all we’ve got so far, but if we ever find an ounce of musical talent we’ll be sure to keep it going. Oh and here’s the original version if it helps… More: YouTube=

Note two: Btw, we would never have done that if we knew Taylor Swift was putting out new music last night. Now we just look like idiots. 

Note three: What’s your plan for voting? We’re hearing from lots of SPs that they voted early so they could focus their efforts on harassing the fuck out of everyone they know to go vote. That sounds like a pretty awesome goddamn plan to us. 

Note four: There were two separate incidents outside the Supreme Court yesterday where people were taken into custody. The criminals inside were unharmed. More: CBS News

Note five: Kelly Loeffler and Pat Cippolone testified in front of that Georgia grand jury. Thank you to Fani Willis for having the guts way too many other officials don’t. More: CNN

Note six: The president campaign in Pennsylvania yesterday for John Fetterman, who looks pretty good in a suit but we hope doesn’t make a habit of it.

Note seven: Polls are lying scumbags. Ignore them all. Tell them to fuck off. Focus on the work. 

Note eight: Dark Brandon cut the US budget deficit in half. But voters think Republicans are better on the economy? Are we really that dumb? More: Bloomberg

Note nine: BREAKING — Steve Bannon just got sentenced to four months in prison. But the Trump judge is letting him be free on appeal. If he doesn’t appeal — and he will — he has to report to prison on Nov. 15. More: CNN

Note 10: Stacey voted early. Have you?

Note 11: We have got to stop linking to CNN. Did you see the pathetic piece they did this morning about Trump’s fucking plane? What a bunch of goddamn losers. The only reason we use them so much is because there’s no paywall, but we really gotta rethink it. More: NO FUCKING LINK

Note 12: Newsmax has decided Lara Logan is crazier than the shithouse rat, and the shithouse rat was their limit on crazy. More: The Daily Beast

Note 13: WaPo is reporting that some of the documents Trump stole included classified docs about Iran and China. It’s probably fine. We remember a certain NYT reporter telling us he just like to show this stuff off like it was Shaq’s shoe. More: Washington Post

Note 14: It’s criminal the way Washington politicians pretended like they couldn’t see election officials getting harassed and did absolutely nothing to protect them. More: Reuters

Note 15 : This is one of those hilarious but super fucked up things that made us laugh really hard and then almost cry.

Note 16: DOLLY PARTON IS RELEASING A NEW GREATEST HITS ALBUM NEXT MONTH!!!

Note 17: The EPA is investigating why the fuck Jackson, Miss. has such shitty water. We’re guessing a bunch of crooked racist politicians fixed it that way. More: USA Today

Note 18: This is so important. The Pentagon will pay for service members to travel to get abortions if they’re stationed in states where that’s illegal. It’s a big deal. And it’s exactly one change in president away from being rescinded. More: Associated Press

Note 19: How fucked up is America? Fucking slavery is on the ballot in five states. More: Associated Press

Note 20: We don’t want to end on that ugly note so tell us what you’re dressing up as for Halloween? Other than a Sexy Patriot, of course.

Note 21: Alrighty, SPs, it’s news time! And then it’s weekend time! We hope y’all had a good one, and we hope you’re being good to yourself. Just more than two weeks to go. We can do this. Love y’all!

Florida, man

So remember how Ron DeSantis came up with a super fascist election police force and then that super facsist election police force rounded up a bunch of people who were mostly Black even though the state of Florida told them they could vote? Well the first case has already been dismissed because it was always fucking bullshit. The national news media once again dropped the ball here. Weird how that keeps happening. More: ABC News

LOL

So Republicans have been trying to fuck over thousands of Americans by running to court to sue over Joe Biden’s student debt relief. The only problem is they keep getting laughed out of court. Even fucking Amy Coney Scumbag told them to take a hike. This is changing lives. It’s a shame we don’t hear more of the good from it. More: CNN, CNN II

WTF

There was a report yesterday that the US is thinking Elon owning twitter might be a national security risk. OH DO YOU FUCKING THINK SO?! Especially considering Medvedev just fucking tweeted that he would see Elon in Moscow for Victory Day. No fucking shit that Elon is a security risk. Our only question is why the fuck is the U.S. government just now realizing this. The news follows a WaPo report that Musk is planning to cut twitter’s staff by 75 percent, making it an unusable garbage dump loved by nazis and child porn sleazebags. More: Reuters

Today’s clips

Several British lawmakers, including scandal-tarnished former Prime Minister Boris Johnson, jockeyed for support Friday to become the country’s next leader following the implosion of Liz Truss’ historically short-lived government. More: Huff Post

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