Today's Big Stuff 10.19.22

10.19.22

It’s Wednesday. There are 20 days until Election Day. John Durham is a freaking loser, a deposition a long time coming and Trump gets a shout-out from a monster.

Be advised: This newsletter collected all the fucks Americans stopped giving, and we redistribute them daily, generally in the direction of Republican politicians.

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! How the hell are you? And yes, we’re really asking. How the hell are you? We know the homestretch is a nightmare of stress, fear and uncertainty mixed with occasional bouts of optimism and inappropriate laughter. Especially when your inbox looks like the Joker got into fundraising. These are just a few of our favorite subject lines from the past few hours —

• Your favorite candidate is running low on money

• James Carville says you’re a chickenshit loser and your mom is a slut

• Your favorite candidate is flat broke and eating ramen noodles

• Nate Silver said democracy is already dead and buried and you killed it

• We had to take your favorite candidate out back and put him down

• Fuck you. No seriously. Just fuck you.

• Abortions don’t pay for themelves goddamnit!

Ok you got us. The first few were fake and the last one came from a Republican Senate campaign in Georgia. The point is this shit is intense, and we totally get it if you feel like your head and/or your ass is gonna explode. But hang in there. This is when your country needs you the most.

You’ve really been through just a shit gauntlet these past few years. A once-in-a-century pandemic, a cruel and idiotic game show host president and of course Kanye becoming a nazi. But you’re still standing. Hell, you’re still standing AND SEXY!!! They might piss you off, they might wear you out and they might get on your last fucking nerve, but there you are, fighting for your country and lookin’ damn good doing it.

So for the next few weeks, please take care of your mental health. If you need to hit pause to take a deep breath or play with a dog or just yell “FUCK” at the wall, make sure you take that time. Saving democracy from dumbshits isn’t a sprint. It’s a gross goddamn marathon that sucks, but there’s nobody we’d rather be running it with than y’all. Have a blessed day.

Note two: Val Demings didn’t need breakfast today. She ate Marco Rubio’s lunch last night.

Note three: And because a. She’s such a badass and b. Marco was easy work, Val also took a second to fuck up Herschel Walker last night.

Note four: Have you early voted yet? How about your friends and family? We’ve been hearing from quite a few of y’all that you already voted, and it’s our new favorite kind of email to get.

Note five: Did you hear that President Obama is hitting the campaign trail? Well he is. Hard. More: ABC News

Note six: Oprah is endorsing Stacey today. We sure love us some Oprah, but maybe when she’s done, she can swing through Pennsylvania and let everyone know Oz is a fucking nutjob. More: AJC

Note seven: Thank you to President Biden for making clear yesterday that Republicans are trying to control women and Democrats will restore choice. More: CNN

Note eight: And just a quick message for the last-minute pundits who think Democrats are talking about abortion too much — please eat shit and then go fuck yourself. Let’s take away some of your basic human rights and then you tell us if we’re talking too much about it. So fucking dumb.

Note nine: Yesterday was Brittney Griner’s birthday, and one of our readers was disappointed we used a photo from the WNBA all-star game tribute to Brittney instead of her actual photo. That seems fair to us, and honestly, we can’t talk about her enough.

Note 10: And here’s a message from Brittney… More: Huff Post

Note 11: At this point, the only purpose of polls is to piss you off and make you crazy. Ignore that shit and focus on the work.

Note 12: Election officials in Georgia are being given a new text alert system in case there’s a threat. What a perfectly normal fucking country we have these days. More: NBC News

Note 13: So the Supreme Court is going to hear that whacky scary as hell independent legislature case in December. Then they’ll decide if a bunch of state legislators get to be gods. Again, perfectly normal fucking country. More: WRAL

Note 14: Kanye is getting sued. Good. More: Huff Post

Note 15: Now this is an ad…

Note 16: Well this is really freaking cool! More: NPR

Note 17: Republicans haven’t won shit, and they’re already threatening a government shutdown. Seems like that should be in the news more.

Note 18: We want to send love and luck to Soledad O’Brien and her team on this new doc about Rosa Parks.

Note 19: Apparently while Biden was in LA, he taped an episode of Smartless. It’s a great podcast. And it seems to have pissed off the beltway media, so it’s a twofer. More: Yahoo

Note 20: Ok, you gorgeous democracy lovers, let’s go do some news and then hump up this hump day. Whatever that means. We love y’all, and we hope you’re doing ok. We know shit is royally fucked up 24/7/365 these days, but we’re damn grateful to you for staying in this fight with us. Give ‘em hell, today.

What a loser

John Durham lost yesterday. Again. So yeah, it turns out that the Russian hoax wasn’t so much a hoax but instead very true and that treasonous tangerine taint sold us out to Russia long ago. But yeah, Durham lost another case in court, and it should be very embarrassing for him and the end of this stupid shit. But we know better than to make an assumption like that these days. More: CNN

Answer time

Today Donald Trump has to sit for a deposition and answer questions about why he defamed E. Jean Carroll. Trump has been running from this for a long time. And now he’s got nowhere left to run. Enormous credit and love to E. Jean for being inexhaustible in her fight for what’s right. Have a lovely Wednesday, Donnie D-bag. More: CNN

GROSS!!!!!

So remember when our super criminal ex-president saw that Jeffrey Epstein’s fixer friend had been arrested and his first though was to “wish her well?” Yeah, we’ll never forget it either. Well now that she’s in prison for being an inhuman monster, she’s returning the favor. Can you imagine the scandal if this was a Democrat? Seriously what the fuck is up with this heinous shit?! More: Insider

Today’s clips

President Biden will announce on Wednesday that he is releasing 15 million more barrels of fuel from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, a move aimed at easing gas prices three weeks before voters anxious over rising costs head to the polls as Democrats have been battered by GOP attacks on the economy. More: Washington Post

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