Today's Big Stuff 10.18.21

10.18.21

It’s Monday. There are 15 days until this year's elections and 386 days until the midterm elections. Colin Powell dies and Fox immediately gets gross about it, Manchin releases more details of the way he’s screwing us all and Biden says prosecute anyone hiding from a Jan. 6 subpoena.

Advisory: We’re gonna do a lot of cussin’ in this here newsletter, and we’re probably gonna spell some shot wrong. It’s just who we are, and we hope you can love us anyway. 

Note: Hey gang! Anybody want to talk about pee tapes today? Well urine luck. We’re not sorry for that. Below is a link to a story about Christopher Steele, the guy who wrote the Steele Dossier which took what was left of our national innocence and, well, pissed all over it. Yeah, we used to be the most powerful country in the history of the world and now we’re the country that’s been talking about our powerful idiot gameshow host and his fucking pee tape for the past five years! Seriously what the hell happened to us? They used to think of us as the badass peeps who saved the world from fascism. Now if you’re a 5 year old from an underdeveloped nation you probably think of Americans as the pee people. Is that ok with you sexy patriots? Does it maybe anger you just a little? Do y’all want to be the fucking pee people? Well we don’t either! Goddamn this is embarrassing. And look it needs to be said that we’re a cool as hell swinging progressive groovy newsletter so we don’t judge or kink shame around here. You wanna get pissed on or some shit like that, you go right ahead. It’s not how this particular newsletter gets down but to each their own. But you can’t be president. Sorry. That’s shitty and we’re sorry but hear us out. Our feeling is this — you can get pissed on, but America can’t. And for the past five goddamn years that’s what has happened — because of Trump, we’re all in a Russian sex worker Truman Show and the whole fuckin world is pissing on us. Hope y’all have a good Monday. More: CNN

Note two: Lol. Ok. Looks like we’re coming out hot to start the week. Let’s effing go!

Note three: Huge congrats to Candace Parker (GOAT) and the Chicago Sky on winning the WNBA title. Woohoo! More: Washington Post

Note four: The trial of the pieces of shit who (allegedly) murdered Ahmaud Arbery starts today with jury selection. It’s too late for justice, so we’re praying for a reckoning. More: Washington Post

Note five: So here’s some good news — Senate Democrats are outraising the scum who are trying to defeat them. Will it matter if we don’t pass shit and keep some campaign promises? Let’s hope so. Because the other side is trying to kill us all. More: Wall Street Journal

Note six: Republicans and the New York Times are worried that Trump’s constant falsheoods — wait… what the fuck is a falshehood? Why can’t these egghead assholes just say he’s a fucking liar? — anyway they’re worried his bullshit is gonna cost Republicans future elections. And here we are worried that it’s going to get more people killed and finish off American democracy. Maybe our priorities are just a goddamn mess. More: New York Times

Note seven: Here’s some great news — Politico is taking its right-wing clickbait bullshit behind a paywall. We have no idea if this will stop the sick freaks at Playbook from continuing to operate their brutal dog-fighting circuit. Yeah, those people have some real problems. More: Wall Street Journal

Note eight: Marjorie Taylor Shitforbrains and Matt “Statutory” Gaetz aren’t making any money with their Dumb and Dumber tour. Is it possible even Trump-loving COVID-carrying shit eaters have standards too? LOL. No, it’s not. More: Mother Jones

Note nine: Sen. Bill Cassady says he won’t vote for Trump because Trump lost the House, the Senate and the White House. See, for us it’s the whole fascism and hundreds of thousands of dead Americans thing. But whatever gets you there, bro. More: Huff Post

Note 10: If you shop at Publix, today is a good day to stop. More: Washington Post

Note 11: LOL. Trump can’t get it up. And it we mean the fundraising totals for the scumbags he has enlisted to take on his enemies within the Republican Party. Sorry if you thought we meant something else. But y’all know he can’t get that little leprechaun peen up either. More: CNN

Note 12: Fuck. That was a shitty image to put on y’all. We’re deeply sorry.

Note 13: Thank you to Jackie Calmes at the LATimes for this important column about how both sides journalism is failing us right now. More: LA Times

Note 14: So members of Congress are now taking their dangerous Fox News lies to fucking high school students now. Any angry parents out there who aren’t planted by the Koch Brothers? More: Rappahannock News

Note 15: So WinRed is raising money for terrorists. That seems problematic to us and something Democrats and the media should probably talk about. More: Huff Post

Note 16: This weekend, Joe Biden honored the cops who saved democracy. His predecessor sent terrorists to beat them with the American flag. More: Axios, Associated Press

Note 17: Maybe we shouldn’t honor this guy though. Yikes! More: CNN

Note 18: Should we do a long screed about how much Chuck Todd sucks or is that like doing a long screed about how much excessive genital itching sucks? 

Note 19: Are y’all surprised we haven’t mentioned Succession? 

Note 20: Ok, you beautiful rock stars, let’s get to the news. We hope y’all had a lovely weekend, and even more, we hope you stayed with us past that opening note. Have an awesome weekend, sexy patriots, and don’t get any on ya!

RIP

Colin Powell died at 84 of COVID complications. He was vaccinated, but he had blood cancer. It’s very sad. Aside from the whole horrible Iraq shit (oh is that all?), we always thought he seemed like a kinda good dude. We were sorry to hear he died. We were even more sorry to see Fox News’s John Roberts say his death raises questions about the safety of the vaccine. Oh fuck off, dude. More: CNBC

The Shitty Joe

That would be Manchin. We found out Friday night that Manchin is going to royally fuck us and the planet by killing our clean electricity plan, and then we found out last night he’s going to fuck us on the child tax credit. He’s a really really awful person. Oh and we found out that he and Sinema are getting all their fundraising dollars from oil and gas and pharmaceutical companies now because America is broken as hell. Goddamn this shit is depressing. More: New York Times, New York Times II, Axios, CNN

Go git ‘em

Joe Biden said over the weekend that he believes the Justice Department should prosecute the scumbag Trumpers who are ignoring Jan. 6 committee subpoenas. It was pretty much Biden’s toughest talk on it yet, and a DOJ spokesman immediately dismissed it and said DOJ would follow the law where it leads. So it’s nice to see the president get a little tougher on this, but we’re still waiting on Merrick Garland to stop sucking. More: CNN 

Today’s clips

In the nine months since Biden took office, GOP officials throughout the country have baselessly challenged the 2020 results, conducting elaborate and clumsy audits. States have restricted voting, often in ways activists say will hurt disadvantaged communities, and have changed their procedures to allow political influence over future elections. More: Washington Post

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